A mask can't hide this pain
by Doespring
Summary: Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Here is the first chapter of my new story. I hope everyone will like the idea for this story, but of course it's up to everyone to decide what they think about it. Please enjoy reading the first chapter!

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Having a headache was definitely not something that Izaya liked. Especially when it was keeping him from his work. He just couldn't focus because of the pounding headache and the worst thing was that it had been happening more often lately. Almost constant if he was honest.

A groan escaped his lips and he laid his head on his hands and closed his eyes. Why couldn't the headache just go away?

"If you're having a headache, you should take some medicine and then go back to work." His assistant yelled at him, which made Izaya flinch.

"Not so loud." Was all he said, but it wasn't such a bad idea to get some medicine. Especially if he wanted to get any work done today.

Slowly standing up from his chair he started walking towards the stairs. Once there he looked up before sighing. Why did he keep his medicine upstairs?

Stepping on the first step, he started walking up a few of them before he felt his foot slip. He tried to correct himself, but somehow his body wasn't working like he wanted and before he even realized it he was tumbling down the stairs he had just gone up.

Once he hit the floor a pained yelp left his mouth and he kept laying there for a bit. What had just happened? Had he really just fallen down the stairs? Had he lost his balance? Orihara Izaya never loses his balance, let alone falling down the stairs.

"That hurts!" He groaned while slowly sitting up.

"Are you alright? That was quite a fall." Namie asked him faking concern. There was no way she would really be concerned about him.

"I'm fine!" He yelled and groaned when it only made his headache worse.

"Maybe you should stop working for today and just rest?" Izaya glared at the woman for saying that.

"You just want to have the rest of the day free." Izaya grumbled and pushed himself from the floor, before holding himself up at the railing of the stairs. His legs were shaking, trying to keep him standing, which made the informant frown.

What was wrong with him? Why did he suddenly feel so weak? Maybe it was better for him to rest, even though he didn't really like the idea.

"Fine. Just take the rest of the day off." Izaya growled and frustratedly tried to take the first step up the stairs, but when he tried to go up the first step, his legs collapsed under him.

"Are you sure you're fine?" He heard Namie ask him, this time a lot closer. Suddenly he felt himself get lifted of the ground by the arm and then he was suddenly leaning on something.

"I would honestly just let you lie here, but since I don't want you to get sick, I will help you to bedroom." Before he could even say anything and protest, the woman was already dragging him up the stairs.

Once upstairs and into his bedroom he was dropped on the bed, before Namie turned to leave, but she thought of something.

"Do you need me to call Kishitani-sensei?" Izaya shook his head at that.

"Don't, whatever is happening will probably be alright tomorrow, but just to be sure come back here the day after tomorrow." Izaya said and then closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. The headache and the tumble down the stairs had tired him out mentally and physically, so it didn't take long before he fell asleep.

xxx

Waking up, Izaya looked over at the clock on his bedside table to see that it was 2 in the afternoon. This made him frown, hadn't he gone to sleep in the afternoon? Did this mean he had slept for almost a whole day? He got up from the bed and headed down the stairs. Even though he had slept so long he definitely felt better, so maybe he just needed it.

Yawning he went over to his fridge and grabbed something to eat before heading over to his desk. He might as well get some work done now that he felt fine.

Starting up his computer he ate his food and when he was finished eating he grabbed the glass of water he had also taken, but somehow when he brought it to his lips, the glass fell from his hand and shattered on the ground. Izaya looked surprised at his hand for a moment to see that it was shaking. What was happening? This couldn't be normal right? But calling Shinra because of this didn't really seem like a good idea. Maybe he should go to the hospital? He really wasn't fond of hospitals, so maybe waiting it out was a better idea.

His door opened and Izaya looked up in surprise to see his assistant walking in. What was she doing here? Hadn't he told her to stay away till tomorrow?

"Oh, you're finally awake?" At that Izaya frowned.

"What do you mean?" It couldn't be that two days had passed right?

"You weren't awake when I came in, so I thought I would just let you sleep and am just coming back from my break." Came the answer and Izaya looked at her shocked.

"You mean to say I slept for two days?" At that Namie frowned.

"You haven't woken up since I brought you upstairs? Then it has indeed been two days." She said and looked at the floor beside the informant to see the broken glass and the spilled water. "Maybe you should go and see a doctor. Preferably one at the hospital." She advised him and at that Izaya glared at her.

"I don't need to go to the hospital." Izaya grumbled and stood up from the chair to start picking up the glass shards, but when he tried to grab one his hand completely missed the piece and a frustrated growl left his lips.

"You're only going to cut yourself like that, let me take care of it and get your ass to the hospital." Another glare came from the informant but he made his way over to his door anyway.

"Fine, even if it is just to prove you wrong!" He said and then left the apartment.

xxx

Now that he was at the hospital, he honestly just wanted to turn around and go back to his apartment, tell Namie nothing was wrong and then go on like nothing had happened, but he knew that something might be wrong with him. The headaches had gotten worse lately and on his way to the hospital another one had come. He blamed the cold weather for it, since it was the end of november, but maybe there was something else. And then there was the losing his balance and somehow his vision wasn't right either.

Walking up to the front desk he smiled at the woman who sat behind it. "I'm here since I haven't been feeling well." Izaya said and the woman looked at him before giving him a paper.

"Fill this in and then wait here till someone comes to get you." The woman said and Izaya accepted the paper and a pen and started writing down the things that were asked at the paper. Lastly he looked at the symptoms. What should he put in there? Maybe only headaches would be enough? Then he would probably be out faster.

In the end he decided to put down headaches and balance problems. He knew hiding it wouldn't help him, they would probably find out anyway. Izaya gave the paper back to the woman and went to sit down on a chair.

After a while a nurse came and called his name. "Orihara Izaya!" Why he had chosen his own name, he didn't really know, but normally he would have chosen an alias.

Standing up he followed the nurse to a room where a man said with a white doctors coat. Izaya said down on the only other chair in the room and waited for the man to turn around to face him.

Once the man turned around, Izaya could see that it was a man in his forties and he had a friendly look on his face. "Orihara-san was it?" At that Izaya nodded and waited for the man to say anything more. "You wrote that you are having headaches and balance problems, is that all?" Should he tell the doctor about the rest? What had happened the past few days.

"Can you tell me the reason why you came here?" The doctor asked and Izaya could see that he was trying to stay friendly, but was clearly getting irritated.

"Do you really want to know?" Izaya said with a smirk and he could see the doctor getting more irritated.

"You know, we're doing this for you, if you don't want help you can just walk out that door." The doctor said and pointed to the door Izaya had come through.

"And what if I die, you will be at fault then~" Izaya said and the doctor sighed at that.

"Just tell me your symptoms and what happened to you to be coming here." Izaya glared at that, but sighed giving in.

"Fine." Izaya gave in. "My headaches have been becoming worse and more often lately, two days ago it was really bad and I went up the stairs at home to get some pain medicine, but when I had gone up a few steps I suddenly lost my balance and fell to the ground." Izaya looked at the doctor, who only nodded to continue. "When I tried to stand up I suddenly felt very weak, but I managed to stand by holding myself up at the railing, even though my legs were shaking. I tried to step on the stairs once more, but this time my legs collapsed and I fell to ground." Izaya said and took a deep breath before releasing it. Did he really need to tell that his assistant had helped him get to his bed and that he had slept for two days?

"Go on." The doctor said and Izaya sighed.

"My assistant helped me get to bed, to which I fell asleep almost immediately. Then I woke up this afternoon having slept for two days. I got myself something to eat and a glass of water. Once I had eaten, I was going to drink the water, but when I lifted the glass it suddenly slipped through my fingers and shattered on the ground. Then my assistant came in and I tried to pick up the shards, but I couldn't seem to grab them. When my assistant found out what was happening she told me to go to a hospital and so I'm here." Izaya finished, but wanted to add one last thing. "So tell me I'm fine and I will be on my way."

The doctor didn't react to the last part and seemed to be deep in thought. "I want to do some tests to see what is wrong with you." Izaya's eyes widened at that. Tests? They weren't going to find anything right? "It can be nothing, so don't get too worried just yet." But Izaya didn't believe him. If they were going to do tests, then something was definitely wrong.

xxx

Izaya was now waiting for the doctor to come with the results. He had had to do a variety of tests. Some for balance, some for his vision and others, but what caught his attention the most was when he had to do a MRI-scan. Those scans were used to look into your body, so the doctor must suspect that there was something wrong inside him.

He had honestly hoped that nothing would be wrong, but now he wasn't so sure. What would he do if something was wrong? No that couldn't be possible. There was no way something was wrong with him.

He got taken out of his thoughts when the doctor entered the room and from the seriousness on his face Izaya knew something was wrong.

"I have the results." The doctor started and Izaya gulped at the seriousness in the doctor's tone. "We have found a tumor in the occipital lobe and cerebellum of the brain." Izaya's mind went blank at that. They had found a tumor? In his brain? "This might be hard to accept, but I'm going to speak with other doctors to see what we can do against the tumor." Izaya couldn't believe the doctor. There was no way this was happening. "I would like to speak to you in a week to discuss what we're going to do. I'm also going to prescribe you some medicine to help against the seizures and headaches." Izaya could hear what the doctor said, but he was honestly not believing it.

"There's no way that can be true." Izaya said and glared at the doctor. "You're wrong!" He started yelling and suddenly felt the need to escape, there was no way he was going to accept this.

"I'm sorry, but this is the truth." Somewhere he knew the doctor was speaking the truth, but he didn't want to believe it. Suddenly some receipts were given to him and the doctor pointed at them. "These are prescriptions for your medicine. Corticosteroids are used to lower the swelling in your brain and make you headaches more bearable. The antiseizure medicine is to help control the uncontrolled movements you make and lastly I'm prescribing you some pain medication, but you should only take those when the pain is unbearable, otherwise just use normal pain medicine." The doctor said and stared at the receipts. "I hope to see you in a week so that we can discuss what to do further with the tumor." Izaya slowly nodded.

"Fine, I will be there." He said and then stood up before walking out the room. He didn't want to believe it, but the doctor had been way too serious for it to not be true. Was he going to die from this? Was one of the questions that went through his mind when he walked home after getting his medication.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Here is chapter two, I had already written two chapters, so I decided to place this one too. Enjoy reading and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Opening the door to his apartment he walked inside, to see that Namie was still there. "I thought you would have left already." Izaya commented.

"I thought I would hear what's wrong with you first before going home." Was his assistant's answer. Izaya took of his jacket and walked over to his desk before placing the bag of medicine on top of it and taking place in his chair.

"Not much, nothing that can't be cured with some medicine." Izaya said and turned around in his chair to look out the window to the people below. They didn't have a care in the world and here he was with a tumor in his brain, which he didn't even know if it was deadly or not. It was at least affecting him, so he just hoped that Namie wouldn't notice anything if it wasn't getting any better, but worse for that matter.

He heard some rustling behind him and he turned around to see Namie holding his bag with medicine. "What kind of medicine did you get?" Izaya stood up and grabbed the bag from her.

"That's none of you business. We're done for today, so can you just leave?" He really didn't want her to find out. Nobody needed to find out, he would handle this on his own.

"Fine, but if something happens to you, don't expect any help from me." With that Namie grabbed her stuff and headed out the apartment.

Izaya closed his eyes for a moment. He honestly didn't want anyone to know, but hearing that someone didn't care if something happened to him was still not a great thing to hear. Here he was worrying about the fact if something might happen to him and honestly he didn't want to think about dying, but he knew it was possible with a brain tumor.

Opening the bag of medicine he grabbed the bottles for the corticosteroids and the antiseizure medicine and grabbed the pills he would need to take and took them together with some water.

Izaya hoped the medicine would work, but who knows, maybe they wouldn't be enough to help. He felt quite tired and didn't really feel like eating, so he went upstairs and to his bedroom to sleep for as long as he would need.

xxx

A week had gone by way too fast for him. The symptoms had become a bit less noticeable thanks to the medication, but if he forgot to take them they still came back. Not to mention that he still had a headache most of the time and was more irritable. He had already lost count how many times he had snapped at Namie.

Now he was on his way to the hospital and he honestly dreaded the talk that he would need to have with the doctor. If it wasn't necessary then he wouldn't have come back, but even he realized that this was serious and that there was no way he was getting out of this without help, even though he hated admitting that he even needed help.

Orihara Izaya saw himself as a god, who stood above the humans, but now reality has come to take him down. Why couldn't he be immune for things like this? Why did it have to happen to him? Had he already waited too long before going to a hospital? Was he going to die? The last question was the one he most dreaded. He really didn't want to die. He was afraid of dying, but he was never going to let anyone see that weakness. He would keep on hiding behind a mask and pretend that everything is alright. Nobody needed to know about this. He could do this on his own.

Izaya was brought out of his thoughts when he arrived at the hospital. He had purposefully chosen to go to one in Shinjuku and not in Ikebukuro, since it would be a hassle to walk into the protozoan while he was there.

Calming his nerves for a bit he put on a fake smile and walked into the hospital. Nobody needed to see what he really felt inside and how nervous he really was. "I'm here for the appointment of Orihara Izaya." Izaya said once he was at the desk.

"Ah right, if you can wait for a bit then the doctor will come to get you." The woman behind the desk said to which Izaya nodded and went over to a chair before sitting down on it. He had honestly hoped that he wouldn't have to wait, but it seems like he didn't have that much luck.

After a while his name was finally called. "Orihara Izaya." It was a nurse who had come to get him and Izaya slowly stood up to follow her, but he suddenly lost his balance while standing up and had to grab the chair he had been sitting on to stay upright. Cursing under his breath he stabilized himself before making his way over to the nurse.

"Are you alright, sir?" Izaya just ignored her and walked behind her to the room where the doctor was, once there the nurse went in before him and over to the doctor before leaving. Izaya said down on the other chair and waited for the doctor to pay attention to him.

"Orihara-san, how have you been doing?" Asked the doctor when he turned around to face his patient.

"I have been fine." Izaya lied, of course he hadn't been completely fine, but there was no way he was going to tell the doctor that.

"Are the medicine helping?" The doctor asked and Izaya sighed.

"Yeah, they have, it's just that when I didn't take one for a while the symptoms came back." Izaya decided to answer truthfully.

"The nurse told me that you lost your balance just now in the waiting room. Is that true?" Izaya wanted to glare at the nurse for telling the doctor, but she was no longer there.

"Yes." Was all he answered.

"Alright, let's talk about the treatment then, that is if you want to go into treatment. If you don't you will definitely die, it's just not clear how long that will take." The doctor said very seriously and Izaya stared at him for a moment.

"I have decided to try the treatment." Izaya said. He hoped that everything would be done with as soon as the treatment was over. He just hoped that it wouldn't take too much time.

"I have discussed with a team what we think would be the best course of action. We won't do anything you don't want to, but you must realize that all this is necessary. There is one thing I need to tell you though. There is better treatment for you at the hospital in Ikebukuro, so I would advise you to go there for the treatment." Izaya's eyes opened wide at this.

"I can't do that, I will get killed if I do that." Izaya said to which the doctor looked at him surprised.

"It shouldn't be that bad right? Even though you might want someone to take you to and from the hospital while you're in treatment." Izaya sighed at that. He really didn't have anyone like that. Who would want to help him? No one right? He didn't want other people's pity either, so there was no way he was going to ask for help.

"I have no one to help me." He said and he noticed the doctor's sad look.

"I had hoped you would have someone to help you through this." Izaya glared at the doctor at that.

"I don't have anyone, but I might have someone who could take me to and from the hospital, even though she will do it as a job instead." Izaya said.

"Alright, if you could ask her to help you, then I'm fine with that. Maybe you could contact her right now if possible?" The doctor proposed and Izaya sighed.

"She doesn't talk, so it will have to be by text, she might not reply immediately." Izaya said, but grabbed his phone anyway and started sending a text.

[Hey Celty! I have a new job for you and I want to discuss the details with you. Could you please come to the hospital in Shinjuku?] Izaya send the text and he got one back almost immediately.

[If it's a job then it's fine, but why the hospital?]

[I will tell you when you get here, so could you please come right now?]

[Alright, I'm on my way, I will text you when I'm there.]

"She's coming." Izaya said to the doctor.

"Do you want me to explain our treatment right now or when she is here?" Izaya shook his head at that.

"You can tell me right now." Izaya answered.

"Alright, we want to start with removing the tumor surgically. We will try to take away as much as possible without damaging your brain. The recovery period is different per person, but at the very least it will take two weeks. We will also take a biopsy, so that we can determine what kind of tumor it is." Izaya nodded. This was something he could still understand.

"After the recovery we will start with radio therapy, which will consist of a treatment for seven weeks from monday till friday, the treatment will take a few hours. After the radio therapy we will finish your treatment with chemotherapy, to make sure that the last of the tumor cells will die. This will happen in cycles of four weeks. You will receive treatment on the first three days and then you will have time to recover till the new cycle starts. This will be happening for as long as it will be deemed necessary. Of course you will also need to take medication for the side effects, since there are some of them. I will give you a folder where you can read all about them." The doctor finished and Izaya wanted to ask him a question when he got a text.

[I'm at the hospital, at the main entrance.] Izaya looked to the doctor.

"The courier is here, can I go and pick her up to come in here before we go any further in this discussion?" The doctor nodded and Izaya left the room to find Celty.

Once he had found the woman he made his way over to her. [Izaya, what do you need me to do?] Was all she asked.

"I will tell you, but can you follow me first?" The raven asked, but didn't wait for an answer before he walked back to the room followed by Celty.

Once inside the room Izaya sat down again and then pointed from Celty to the doctor. "This is Celty, the one I was talking about." Izaya said.

[What do you mean with that?] The woman asked, but Izaya ignored her.

"Could you please explain to her why she is here?" Izaya asked the doctor to which he nodded.

"We have found a tumor in the brain of Orihara-san. He will be receiving treatment, but in the hospital in Ikebukuro. But to be able to do that he will need someone to take him to and from the hospital especially when he is weak after treatment." The doctor explained and Izaya could see how shocked the woman beside him was.

[What do you mean? Izaya has a brain tumor?] Celty was clearly shocked and Izaya let out a sigh.

"Yeah, it's pretty shocking isn't it, but I really need your help, I can't afford to run into Shizu-chan when I'm weak from treatment." Izaya said and saw the woman hesitate for a moment. "I will pay you, but in return I expect you not to tell anyone about this. Just tell Shinra that you're doing a job for me."

The dullahan seemed to think this over but then nodded her helmet. [Fine, I will help you.] Izaya could hear the doctor sigh in relieve.

"Alright, now that is settled, I wanted to ask you when the surgery will take place." Izaya said and looked at the doctor.

"We want to move fast, so you can be helped before it might be too late." Izaya shuddered at that thought, he really didn't want for it to be too late. "We will keep you in the hospital for at least two weeks after the surgery, so in that time Celty won't be needed, but as soon as you start radio therapy, she will be needed." The doctor explained and the dullahan nodded her head.

"Do you need to tell me anything more?" Izaya asked, but the doctor shook his head.

"I will call you to give you the exact time and day that the surgery will take place." With that Izaya thanked the doctor and walked out with Celty.

[Are you alright?] Izaya smiled a fake smile at that question.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He was lying, he knew it himself, but there was no way he was going to show weakness.

[If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.] At that the raven looked to the woman in surprise.

"I never thought I would hear that from you." Izaya said, but kept his smile. "But I might take you up on your offer when I need it."

[Shall I take you home?] The dullahan asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"I will be fine on my own." Izaya said and then separated his way with the dullahan.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here is chapter three, please enjoy readimg it!

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya had been having doubts for the past week. He honestly felt nervous and didn't really know if he wanted to go on with this, but he knew he wouldn't really have a choice. Today was the day of his surgery and there was no way he was going to avoid that.

He had already given Namie a two weeks vacation, which might become longer, but he hadn't told her that yet. He even had to take his hair off, since they needed access for the surgery. Izaya realized that it might take a while before he would have hair again, since he knew that hairloss was possible with radio therapy and chemotherapy. He had bought a hat, which he was currently wearing, this way it wouldn't be that obvious to people that he had taken his hair off. He might even take a wig once he started the other therapies, but that was something he still had to think about.

Currently he was waiting for Celty to arrive at his home to take him to the hospital. The dullahan had agreed to help him with the transportation, which he was thankful for, but he wouldn't tell her that. He had to be at the hospital at 9am and his surgery would be at 2pm, so he would have to wait for a while. He had already packed a bag too, since he would be staying at the hospital for at least a week.

A knock at the door took him out of his thoughts and Izaya grabbed the back before walking towards the door. Once he opened it he saw the dullahan and nodded at her as a greeting. [Are you ready to go.] Celty asked, to which Izaya put up a fake smile.

"As ready as I'll ever be." He answered and then followed the dullahan downstairs to where her motorcycle was. A helmet was formed on him, before they went on the bike and left for the hospital together.

xxx

Once at the hospital he got of the bike and faced the dullahan once the helmet disappeared. [Good luck!] Celty said and Izaya smiled at that.

"I will be fine." He said, but he knew he might be lying. He could die, that was something he realized very well. He might end up in a coma or paralyzed. Those were all possibilities when you were undergoing a surgery in your brain. There were a lot of possibilities and he had thought of all of them the past week. That's why he was probably nervous right now, since he couldn't be scared. Orihara Izaya was never scared.

[Make sure to send me a text how it went.] Celty said and Izaya knew what she meant by that. He had decided that a text message would be sent to Celty if everything went alright, but if something went wrong, they would call Shinra, since that was only fair and easier to explain than to do it by text.

"Sure, surgery might take a few hours, so don't go and wait for my text the whole day, it might even come tomorrow you know? If I'm too tired I mean." When he received a nod from the dullahan he sighed. "I will be fine, so I'm going inside." Izaya said and then turned around and walked into the hospital. He had decided to not have the dullahan in the hospital with him, she would have to wait for quite a while and Shinra would definitely get suspicious if she did that, so they had decided that Celty would only bring him today.

Izaya walked over to the desk and waited till the woman behind the desk looked at him. "Orihara Izaya, I'm here for treatment." He said and waited till the woman had found where he would need to go.

"Orihara-san, you may go to room 209." The woman said to which Izaya thanked her, before heading over to the room. It would be the room he would be staying in for at least the next two weeks. He hoped that it was a spacious room and he had already made sure to get a room for him alone, since he didn't need other people to see him like this.

Once he opened the door to his room and walked inside, his doctor was already there, setting up different machines, which would probably be necessary for after the surgery. He honestly already dreaded how many wires he would have if he should guess from the machines.

"Ah, Orihara-san, you're here!" The doctor said and then walked over to the male. "I just set everything up, so make yourself comfortable and I will be back in about an hour to talk to you about what we're going to do and make sure that everything is done that needs to be done before the surgery." The doctor said and then left the room, leaving Izaya alone.

Izaya looked around the room, it was quite spacious, but it was still too white and clean. There was a bed, with various machines beside it and there was a closet, which he went towards and placed his bag in. The doctor would be coming back after an hour, so what could he do? He had brought one of his phones and his laptop, so he could always go and look at the chatroom, some people might have something interesting to say. He hadn't really been focussing on the chats for the last two weeks, so he hadn't been following what happened.

Opening his phone he logged in on the chatroom.

xxx

 **-Kanra entered the chatroom-**

 **Kanra:** Good morning everyone~!

 **Bakyura** : You're early for once.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Everyone is early, but it might be because it's a holiday.

 **Saika** : Yeah, I wouldn't be here normally on a weekday.

 **Setton** : I'm surprised to see all of you here.

 **Kanra** : I just woke up early for once and was bored.

 **Bakyura** : That's quite surprising, that you're bored, I mean.

 **Kanra** : I can get bored too, since I'm waiting for something.

 **Tanaka Taro:** I think all of us are probably bored, since we're here on a holiday.

 **Saika** : I guess that might be true

 **Kanra** : Have there been any interesting rumors lately?

 **Saika** : Not that I have heard of.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Nothing, besides that it has been quiet in Ikebukuro for a while now.

 **Kanra** : Why's that?

 **Bakyura** : There haven't been any fights between Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya, that's why it's quiet.

 **Setton** : Now that you mention it, that's true

 **Kanra** : There isn't always a reason for that, maybe one of them was too busy.

 **Bakyura** : I doubt that, normally Izaya would find the time to come to Ikebukuro to find Shizuo, but he hasn't been there for at least the past two weeks.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Yeah, I wonder what happened?

 **Kanra** : I have no idea, maybe he was just busy with work.

 **Setton** : That's right, he was probably just busy with work.

 **-Private chat with Setton-**

 **Setton** : Are you sure you should be chatting right now Izaya?

 **Kanra** : I'm fine Celty, just didn't expect them to start talking about my absence.

 **Setton** : Yeah, but you know it will go on for longer than this and the rumors will start spreading.

 **Kanra** : I know, but I was prepared for that.

 **Setton** : I will try my best to help you.

 **Kanra** : That's fine, but my doctor is here now, so I need to go.

 **-End Private chat-**

 **Setton** : Alright, good luck.

 **Kanra** : I need to go, the person I have been waiting for is here, byebye~!

 **Setton** : Ah sorry, that wasn't meant to be put there, but bye Kanra

 **Tanaka Taro:** Goodbye!

 **Saika** : Bye

 **Bakyura** : You're just fleeing.

 **-Kanra has left the chatroom-**

xxx

Izaya ignored the last comment and put his phone away when the doctor came in. "You were not working on your phone right?" The doctor asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"Just chatting to pass the time." The doctor nodded at that and then came over to him.

"You haven't eaten anything right?" Izaya shook his head at that. "Good, how are the symptoms?"

"Just a slight headache, but that's all for now." Izaya answered, to which the doctor wrote something down.

"Alright, the surgery will be at two, but we want to get you ready at one, so then I will be coming back, before that you may do whatever you want inside this hospital, just make sure you're back by one." The doctor said and Izaya nodded.

"That's fine, I will probably leave my room, since it's boring here or I might do something on my laptop, but since I have a headache I might leave it alone." Izaya said a bit thoughtful. "I will not eat anything, so don't worry about that, should I already wear the hospital clothes or am I fine with walking around in my own for now?"

"You're fine to stay in your own clothes right now, but you will need to change when we're getting ready." The doctor said. "Anymore questions? Or do you want to know anything more about the surgery?"

Izaya already knew a lot about what would happen during the surgery, so that wasn't what he really wanted to ask about, it was more the time it would take him to wake up. "How long will it take for me to be awake after surgery?"

"That differs per person, so I can't say for sure. I know about the calling and texting, so if you really want to I can also send the text." But to that Izaya shook his head.

"I will be sending the text myself." Izaya said and then stood up from the bed he had been sitting on. "I'm going to walk around for a bit now and I know, I will be back by one." Izaya said before leaving the room.

xxx

Izaya found himself at the rooftop of the hospital once he had left the room. Going to the roof and looking down on people felt familiar, so that's why he could enjoy this for as long as he didn't think about the fact that he was in the hospital currently.

There were all kinds of people down there, just like there were if he sat on top of another building, but this was kind of different. These people had all kinds of reasons to be here, while people normally wouldn't even have a reason if it was in the middle of the city.

"Is it that interesting to watch people below?" A voice suddenly said from beside him and Izaya turned to see a teenage boy beside him in hospital clothes.

"It can be interesting, but I must say that it might be more interesting if you do it from a higher building." Izaya answered and watched the boys reaction.

"That might be a great sight, but sadly enough I won't be able to do that for some time." At that Izaya took in the boys looks. He had brown hair and brown eyes. He was a bit smaller than he was, but the boy would probably grow to get taller than him. On the outside nothing seemed to be wrong with the boy, but Izaya got curious.

"Why is that?" Izaya asked and watched the boy.

"I have a weak heart, I'm in need of a heart transplant, but there is a long waiting list." He said and even though the boy smiled, Izaya could see it was sad. "Why are you here? Or are you not a patient?"

"I'm here for surgery." Izaya said with a sigh. "I found out two weeks ago that I have brain cancer and they're going to try and remove the tumor, but they aren't sure if they will be able to take everything away." He didn't know why he was talking to the boy about all this. Wh he was telling a complete stranger about his worries. "I guess I'm scared for what can happen."

"Knowing you could die is indeed a scary thing." The boy answered and Izaya noticed that the boy was definitely acting more mature than he really was.

"My surgery is at two, so I planned on staying here till I had to be back at one, but don't you need to go back to your room?" At that the boy shook his head.

"I'm free to go where I want, shall I come visit you tomorrow after you are out of surgery, since I don't know how long it will take before they're finished." Izaya thought about it for a moment. It might be nice to talk to someone sometimes, but before that he needed to know that the boy was fine with who he was.

"I'm Orihara Izaya." He saw the boy's eyes widen for a moment and knew the boy had heard of the name.

"Mizuki Haru, you can call me Haru, Orihara-san." The boy introduced himself.

"Then you can call me Izaya, Haru-kun" There was no way he was going to call the boy by only his name.

"Alright, Izaya-san." Seemed like Haru thought the same.

"May I ask you how old you are, you look young." Izaya didn't know if the boy would answer that.

"I became fifteen in June. How old are you?"

"That's really young. I became 24 in May." Izaya said, it was now september, so it would take time for the both of them before the aged again.

"You're really young too for having brain cancer." The boy commented, which made Izaya smile sadly.

"Yeah, but I hope that the treatment will work." Izaya mumbled and then looked at his phone. "Seems I would better head back, otherwise the doctor would probably nag at me for not being on time." Izaya said and turned around before waving at the boy. "It was nice meeting you and I hope to see you tomorrow in room 209." Izaya added before leaving to head back to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Chapter four is here. I'm still thinking a bit about what to write in the next chapter, so it might take a bit longer to place the next chapter. Anyway please enjoy reading this chapter

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

It was one when Izaya came back to his room, where his doctor already was along with two nurses. "Ah there you are! Just right on time." The doctor said, but Izaya could tell that he had expected him to be too late.

"I make sure to be right on time, I just went to the rooftop." Izaya said and then made his way over to the bed. "What do I need to do?" He decided to ask the doctor.

"You will change in the gown that is for surgery and then I will explain what will happen." The doctor said and gave Izaya the gown. "And take everything of." He said and Izaya ignored it and went into the bathroom to change.

Once changed he made his way over to the bed and lay down in it, with the headside moved a bit upwards. There was no way he was getting out of that bed again while all of them were here.

"Alright, let me explain." The doctor started. "Once it's time to go, you will be brought under anaesthesia by the anaesthetist. Then we will start the surgery. After the surgery we will be waiting for you to wake up. After you have woken up, you will have a catheter, since you won't be moving out of bed today, but if everything is alright, it will be removed tomorrow morning." The doctor said and Izaya slowly nodded taking everything in. "We will start with sitting on the edge of the bed today if everything goes alright and this will be build up in the next days. Same for food and fluids and pain medication. We will be improving everything by day." That was really a lot to take in, so it would take time before he would be able to do everything he wanted once again.

"So that means, I will need to get stronger after the surgery, so that I can do everything I could before?" Izaya asked, to which the doctor nodded.

"That's about it, now let's get you to the operation room." The doctor said and then the two nurses who had been in the room too, started rolling the bed out of the room and towards the operating room.

xxx

The operation had taken five hours and another two before Izaya was waking up.

Izaya felt groggy when he slowly opened his eyes. It took a bit of time before he started adjusting to the light in the room, but luckily it wasn't that bright. A slight throbbing in his head reminded him of the fact that he has been in surgery. It had probably taken a while, since it seemed like it was dark outside.

"I see you're awake." Someone said and Izaya slowly turned his head to the person who was talking. "You might feel a bit slow and sluggish, but don't worry about it." Izaya gave a slight nod at that. It seemed like speaking was still taking up too much energy.

"I'm going to check a few things, alright?" Another slight nod and then the doctor grabbed some light and shined it first in one eye and then in the other. Izaya squinted a bit because of the light, but relaxed when the light was gone. "Normal reaction, which is a good sign." The doctor said and wrote something down. "Can you move your fingers for a bit?"

Izaya did as he was asked and slowly tried to move his fingers, which he succeeded in, albeit a bit slow. "Great, can you move your toes too? The doctor asked while lifting the blanket of Izaya's feet. Just like with his fingers, Izaya was able to move them, but a bit slow. "Alright, are you ready to hear how the surgery went?" A nod was all the doctor got. "The surgery took five hours and it took another two for you to wake up. We didn't succeed in removing the tumor completely, we were afraid of damaging your brain if we removed any more. We did take a biopsy, so that we can find out about what kind of tumor it is. As you know from now on we will be making sure you recover from the surgery before starting with radiation therapy followed by chemotherapy. We will try to get the whole tumor away with those two, but you might need another surgery." Izaya looked at the doctor when he said this. They hadn't been able to remove the tumor completely? That meant that he was still having a tumor in his brain.

"Wha…" But his voice failed him, since his throat felt dry. The doctor got a glass of water and helped Izaya sit up a bit, but this made him nauseous. The doctor saw this and laid him down again.

"You will be getting fluids through an iv drip for now, since it seems that drinking will not work for now. I will leave you alone for today, but tomorrow morning is when we will start with moving around a bit. First we will try sitting on the edge of the bed and then we will try walking a bit later at the day. That is of course if you're able to, but that's something for tomorrow, please rest for now." Izaya felt too tired to object, he honestly wanted to ask the doctor questions, but he just couldn't muster the strength or energy. It didn't take long before Izaya had fallen back asleep.

xxx

The next time Izaya woke up it was a lot brighter in his room and it took a bit of time to let his eyes adjust to the brightness, but when they did, he could make out the form of a nurse. Trying to swallow, to speak to the nurse he noticed how dry his throat was.

"Wa…" It was a sound so soft that he hadn't expected the nurse to hear him, but she turned around anyway.

"Are you thirsty?" She asked with a smile and then filled a glass with water before putting the bed into a more sitting position and then holding the glass before Izaya's lips. The raven drank the water gratefully, but carefully, since he didn't want to choke. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah." Izaya answered once he found his voice again after drinking the liquid.

"We already removed the catheter, but that means that we need to try and move a bit alright? We will start slowly, but I hope that you will be able to go to the toilet with help at the end of the day." The woman explained, to which Izaya frowned a bit.

"Are you sure that isn't too much?" Izaya didn't really know what he would be capable of right now, so he hoped that the nurse could tell him about it.

"We will try, so let's get you to sit on the edge first, alright? You need to tell me if you feel nauseous like last night." The woman said and then came over to him. "Alright, let's sit you up a bit higher." The woman said and Izaya noticed the head of the bed getting higher.

Slowly a nauseous feeling started to settle in. "I'm starting to feel nauseous." Izaya warned the nurse, to which she nodded.

"That's fine, please take this medicine and then we will try again. It's a medicine to help with the nausea." She explained and Izaya nodded before taking the medicine. He waited for a bit and nodded once the nausea had settled a bit. "Alright, now we're going to try and turn, so that your legs will be over the edge, alright?"

"Seems fine with me." Izaya said and with the help from the nurse he turned and found himself sitting on the edge not much later. He noticed that he felt weak while doing this and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep sitting here for very long, but he would at least try it.

"Alright let's sit here for a bit, but when you get tired you need to tell me, I don't want you passing out." The nurse told him and Izaya smirked at that for a bit.

"But you would catch me right? If I passed out I mean." Izaya taunted her for a bit.

"That's my job." She answered flatly and Izaya's smirk disappeared. The nurse couldn't even react like he wanted.

After ten minutes of sitting Izaya felt his body become too tired to keep him up for much longer. He really wanted to keep this going, but he knew that that wouldn't go right. "I'm tired." He ended up saying and the nurse helped him get in bed again.

"Alright, I will be back later. If you need anything, you just need to push the call button." The nurse said before leaving the room.

Izaya sighed and closed his eyes for a bit, but then remembered that he still had to text the dullahan.

Grabbing his phone he started typing a text.

[The surgery is done and I'm awake and back in my room. They weren't able to remove the tumor completely]

It didn't take long before there was a reply.

[It's great that you're back from surgery, but they weren't able to remove the tumor completely?] Celty answered.

[No, they said they were afraid of damaging my brain, so they will try it with the radio therapy and chemotherapy. The doctor even said I might need a second surgery.]

[I'm sorry to hear that, but you're doing alright right now?]

[Yeah, just feeling a bit weak and tired, but fine besides that.]

[That's great, but I need to go now, Shinra is calling for me.]

[That's fine, just go to him, I don't want him to get suspicious.] Izaya sighed, he didn't want Shinra to know, not ever if possible, but he knew it was only a matter of time before the doctor would find out probably.

"You were quite focussed while texting." Izaya jumped at the voice beside him and saw Haru sitting there.

"Don't scare me like that." Izaya hissed and glared at the boy. "You should at least have told me you were here."

"You were just too focussed to have noticed." The boy smiled. "We were you texting with by the way?"

"Just a courier who works for me." Izaya said. "She's also the one who takes me to and from the hospital."

"Ah, I see." Haru said and then smiled. "Looks like you made it out of surgery safely."

"They weren't able to remove the complete tumor." Izaya mumbled and closed his eyes for a bit.

"Oh, that's too bad, but they will try and get rid of the rest right?" Izaya could tell that the boy tried to cheer him up, but he was honestly feeling a bit helpless.

"They will try, but that doesn't mean they will succeed, I might even need another surgery." Izaya felt discouraged by the thought of another surgery. He had hoped that this one surgery would be enough.

"It will be fine." The boy said, to which he received a glare from Izaya.

"How can you know that? I might die, you know? And what then? What will be left of me? I tell myself every single time that I don't get scared, I make other people believe that, but honestly I'm scared. I'm scared of dying. I'm more scared of dying all alone. No one cares about me and I don't want their pity once they find out, because that's all I will get. This is also the reason I won't tell anyone and I wouldn't have told the courier if I didn't need anyone to take me to and from the hospital." Izaya rattled on, but then realized what he was doing. "I'm just tired." He said and saw the boy nod before he stood up.

"I don't mind, I know how you feel. I will leave for today, but I will be back tomorrow." Haru said and turned around. "You need support Izaya-san, even if you don't think so, you need someone whom you can tell what you're feeling like you did just now. I might be a good person for that, but you might want to think about someone else." The boy said before leaving the room.

Another person than him he says? He wasn't going to use Celty like that, since she wouldn't be able to handle him like that. Who would be able to handle him when he was like that? Was the last thing he wondered before he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Here is chapter 5! I have made the decision of what to do in this chapter, so here it is. Please enjoy reading this chapter.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

The nurse had come back the same day and had helped him walk slowly to the toilet. Afterwards he had been really tired and every day for the past week he had been improving on walking around.

Haru hadn't been leaving Izaya alone either, the boy had come every single day and talked to him. Izaya had no idea why the boy would want to talk with him, but somewhere he enjoyed the company, not that he was going to admit that.

Celty had also come two times in the past week for a short visit, to see if he was still alright, but left soon, since Shinra might find out and that was something Izaya absolutely didn't want.

Izaya heard the room to his door opening and he looked to see a nurse once again walking in, which meant that he would probably need to go for a walk again. They had been making sure that he got as much movement as he was able to, but he still noticed that he was weak. He hadn't expected a surgery to be able to do this much to him. The doctor had even told him that the recovering was going slower than he had expected, so it would probably take more than two weeks. This made him frustrated, since he had only given Namie two weeks of vacation and he had planned to start working again once he was recovered, but it seemed like he would have to take a longer absence.

"Orihara-san, are you ready to go for a walk?" The nurse was smiling, but Izaya knew she was either doing it because it was her job or she felt attracted to him. He didn't believe the last right now, so it was probably the first.

"It something that needs to be done." He said with a sigh, before throwing the blankets of and sitting on the edge of the bed. The nurse came over to help him, which only frustrated him and he tried to stand up fast enough so that she would be too late. This ended up not being a good choice, since once he stood straight he felt himself getting unsteady and he had to grab the bed behind him to keep his balance.

"What did I tell you about standing up too quickly?" The woman asked and Izaya only growled at that.

"I know, but I don't need help." He said and slowly began moving towards the door. He knew that if he moved too fast there was a risk of him losing his balance, so he was taking it slowly. Once outside his room he turned left to walk through the hall. The nurse was quickly at his side, which made Izaya want to walk faster, but he knew that that would only end up in the nurse helping him more.

"You're doing great." The nurse said and Izaya ignored her.

"How far do you want me to go today?" He decided to ask her.

"As far as you feel you can go, if you get tired, I can always help you back to your room." Izaya didn't talk to her any further. He was definitely not planning on letting her help him back, so he would better make sure that that wasn't necessary.

"Izaya?" Izaya stopped and stiffened when he heard that voice. He _knew_ who that voice belonged to and he really didn't want to turn around, but he knew that there would be no choice. His room was back there and there was no way he could get away from the man with how fast he could walk right now.

Deciding that he had no other choice, he turned around to face Shizuo who stood there together with Tom. "Shizu-chan, never thought I would see you here." Izaya said with a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Never thought I would see you here either." Shizuo commented. "Why are you even here and dressed in hospital clothes no less and what's with the bandage around your head?" Sometimes Shizuo really was too observant and this was one of the times Izaya didn't really like it.

"That's none of your business. Why are you here anyway?" Izaya asked and narrowed his eyes for a bit.

"I could say that's none of you business either, but I have nothing to _hide_." Izaya flinched a bit at the tone of the blonde. "Tom-san and I were just visiting a colleague who is in the hospital and were on our way out. So now it's your turn to tell me what you're doing here."

"I don't want to tell you." Izaya said and looked beside himself to see the nurse look in fear at the blonde. Oh great, seems like his nurse was scared of Shizuo. So far for doing her job right.

"You know this is a hospital in Ikebukuro right?" Shizuo grinned and Izaya sighed at that.

"I know, but they had the best treatment here." Izaya mumbled and then turned to the nurse beside him. "I'm tired, can you take me back to my room?" Izaya really didn't want to talk to Shizuo any longer.

"S-Sure." The nurse looked once more to Shizuo before she helped Izaya get back to his room.

xxx

Shizuo looked after them and was about to go after the raven, but was stopped by Tom. "He said he didn't want to tell you, so just leave him alone alright?" Tom tried, but he could see that Shizuo still wanted to go after Izaya.

"But I want to know what he meant by treatment." Shizuo said, but before he could go after Izaya he saw Celty walking through the hall. "Celty!" Shizuo called and the dullahan looked up frantically.

[Shizuo, what are you doing here?] She typed on her pda and showed the two men.

"I was visiting a colleague together with Tom, but what are you doing here?" Shizuo noticed that Celty was nervous and she was trying to type something, but then deleted it again. Shizuo sighed, it was clear why she was here. "Are you here for Izaya? We just met him here before he went back in his room." Shizuo said and noticed the dullahan stiffen. He had guessed it right.

[You didn't do anything to him right?] This made Shizuo a bit confused, since when was Celty concerned about Izaya.

"No I didn't we just exchanged words and then he suddenly left. Do you know what he is doing here?" He saw Celty hesitating for a while before she typed something.

[I'm sorry, but he told me not to tell anyone, not even Shinra.]

"Shinra doesn't even know? That's a surprise, but could you please tell me? I won't do anything to him." Shizuo said and he saw that the dullahan was doubting him.

[What will you do once you find out?] That was a good question, he didn't even know that himself. [I can at least tell you that you won't be able to chase him for quite some time.] Shizuo frowned at that.

"I don't know what I will do, but I do want to know." He answered and noticed that the dullahan felt defeated.

[Fine, but if you go to him after this, make sure not to tell him that I told you.] Celty shuddered at the thought of what Izaya would do to her if he found out that she told Shizuo. [Three weeks ago, Izaya found out that he has brain cancer and he had surgery for it a week ago.] Was all the dullahan typed. [That's all I'm going to tell you, if you want to know more you need to ask him yourself.] The dullahan said before walking away to leave the hospital again, there was no way she could go to Izaya now, he would definitely suspect something.

Shizuo stood stunned for a moment. Izaya had brain cancer and had been in surgery a week ago? "Tom, can you go back alone? I'm going to visit Izaya." Tom nodded and left the blonde to go see the raven.

xxx

The nurse had left him after helping him get back and didn't question his actions. She probably just wanted to get away as fast as possible before Shizuo would come here, which Izaya knew wouldn't be long.

Just as he was thinking that the door opened and the blonde walked inside. "So now you're following me to the room too?" Izaya said a bit annoyed, but what surprised him was that the blonde kept silent and just sat down on the chair. He wouldn't even meet his eyes. It couldn't be that someone told him what was wrong right? There was no way that could have happened, but the way the blonde acted, he had to know. "Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked trying to get a reaction from the blonde.

"Is it true?" Shizuo asked his voice soft and if Izaya hadn't been listening he might have missed it.

"Is what true, Shizu-chan?" Izaya knew what the blonde meant, but he had to hear it from him himself.

"That you have brain cancer." This time Shizuo did meet his eyes and he knew Shizuo could see the sad look on his face. He didn't have the time to cover it up with a mask.

"Yeah, it's true, but just like I said before it has nothing to do with you." Izaya mumbled and looked away from the blonde.

"How bad is it? Did the surgery go alright?" Izaya turned his head back to look at the blonde. Had he even been told that?

"Why should I tell you?" He wasn't ready to tell the blonde. What if Shizuo knew? What would the blonde do? There was no way he could make this better.

"I don't know, but you can tell me." Izaya laughed at that.

"Are you serious? You don't know? And you expect me to tell you?" Izaya started, but then felt like he couldn't stop. "Do you really want to know how much it sucks to know you have brain cancer? To know that you might lose your balance if you walk too fast or stand up too fast? To have a possibility of dying, even though they tell you they will do everything about it that they can? To hear that they weren't able to remove the whole tumor with the surgery, since they were afraid of damaging your brain? Do you know how that feels Shizu-chan? Have you ever been scared of dying? Of not knowing what is to come? And then the radio therapy and chemotherapy that are coming with possibly another surgery. How do you think I deal with all that?" Izaya was panting by the time he was finished and he could feel his head pounding with a headache.

"I don't know how that feels and no I have never been afraid of dying, but Izaya, you need to talk about this you know? Keeping this inside is not going to work." Izaya hated that this was coming from Shizuo, but he could not help but to cling to the words the blonde said. Haru had said the same afterall. He needed someone to listen to him, who would be able to handle his outbursts and weirdly enough, it seemed like Shizuo was just the one for that.

"I know, I know Shizu-chan." Izaya said softly and then turned his gaze down. "Can you please leave, I'm having a headache." Izaya pleaded with the blonde this time.

"Ah, sorry, I will leave." Shizuo said and then stood up and left the room. Izaya closed his eyes and he honestly wanted to go to sleep, but he heard someone else walking into his room.

Opening his eyes, he saw Haru. "Sorry, I'm having a headache, so could you please skip today?" Izaya said and closed his eyes again waiting for the boy to leave, but he didn't.

"Seems like you found someone to talk to." The boy commented and Izaya opened one eye to look at him.

"You mean Shizu-chan? I was surprised he didn't get angry." Izaya said.

"He seems like someone who would listen." Haru said, which made Izaya laugh.

"As if, there's no way he's even coming back again." Izaya said and heard Haru sigh.

"Whatever you say. Anyway, I will leave you alone to rest." The boy said and this time he did leave. Izaya closed his eyes once more and this time he did fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Chapter 6 is here. I hope you enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya was bored. He hadn't been allowed to go out of his room on his own, since they were worried that something could happen to him, but there was no way he was going to keep listening to that. He was tired of staying in the same room without being able to go out of it without someone following him.

Throwing the blankets off of him, he slipped out of the bed and stood up slowly. He was still careful with the standing up, since he didn't want to get dizzy. He was fine with walking normally, even though it was still in a slow way, but there was no way he wouldn't be able to make it somewhere on his own.

At the door of his room he looked to the left and then to the right to see if there was no one watching him and then he walked away from the room as fast as he could allow himself to go.

Izaya was planning to go and visit Haru, even though he didn't know the room number, he knew which section and then it wouldn't be too hard to find the room. He hoped that Haru was there, because otherwise he would have gone there for nothing, but he would at least not be in his room.

He had to take the elevator, since the section was one floor above him and he didn't trust himself with walking the stairs. He hadn't really been fond of them since he fell down the one at his apartment.

The elevator dinged, indicating that he had arrived on the right floor and Izaya walked out of the elevator. Now he needed to find the room. He could either walk past all the rooms to look which one he needed to be at or he could ask someone, but that would make him look suspicious. It was probably better to just walk passed all the rooms.

Izaya started with 301, which wasn't the room and went on till he stopped before 305. There he saw the name he was looking for and he opened the door to look inside. Seeing that the boy he had been looking for was there, he let out a sigh of relieve.

Entering the room, he closed the door behind him, which had alerted Haru, since he turned around to look at him. "Izaya-san? What are you doing here?" The boy asked and Izaya showed a smirk.

"I sneaked out of my room, since I was bored." Izaya said and walked over to Haru. "I decided that I would pay you a visit, instead of having you come to me."

"But you aren't allowed to go out alone right?" Haru said.

"I know, but that didn't stop me. They will probably just yell at me." Izaya said and then decided to change the topic. "How is your day?" Izaya asked.

"Pretty bored too, I was just planning on going to you when you came." Haru answered, but Izaya noticed the fidgeting the brunet was doing. "Ehm, can I ask you something?" The voice was soft, which surprised Izaya.

"Sure, what do you want to ask?" Izaya smiled at the boy.

"I want to go to high school if I get a heart transplant, but I haven't been to middle school, so to be able to enter one I would need to have that knowledge at least." The boy started and Izaya decided to wait patiently. "Since you seem like a smart person, would you please teach me?" Izaya had honestly never thought that the boy would ask him something like this, but it was true that if everything was normal that the boy would start high school this coming spring.

"I could teach you, but I almost never went to class, yet I got straight A's at the tests, so I might not be a good teacher." Izaya answered, remembering how he almost never went to class.

"That's fine, if you're just willing to help me, I'm already happy." Haru said.

"Do you have books? And we need to find out how far you are in your education." Izaya said getting to business.

"Ehm, I have books at home, I can ask my parents to bring them and I don't really know how much I need to know and what exactly I know, so we might need to start with going through everything." Haru said while looking down. The boy felt a bit ashamed that he didn't know how much he knew.

"That's fine, you can tell me when you want to start and then come to my room. At least I won't be bored that way." Izaya reassured the boy.

"Thank you! I will make sure to come to your room when I have everything." A genuine smile had appeared on the boy's face, which brought a small smile to Izaya's lips too.

"I wonder if they're missing me already." Said Izaya with a smirk back on his face.

"You really are a handful for them." Haru stated.

"I know, but I really like to see how long it will take before they find me." Izaya said.

"I kind of want to know that too, so let's wait together." Haru was an interesting boy. That was something Izaya knew for sure.

xxx

Shizuo had gone back to the hospital. First he hadn't been sure if he should go back, but then he decided that it might not be so bad to talk to the flea again.

When he arrived at the raven's room, he could see that nurses were in a panic and they were shouting to each other to go and find the patient. What had the flea done now?

"What's the matter?" Shizuo asked and both the nurses turned to look at him.

"Are you here to visit Orihara-san?" Shizuo nodded at that. "Orihara-san has disappeared from his room and we haven't been able to find him anywhere here or anywhere down the hall." Oh great, the flea had decided to start wandering around. He must have been bored.

"Have you checked the roof? He likes looking down on people." Shizuo said frustrated. Great now he had to find the flea probably.

"No, I will go look right away." One of the nurses said and left to go to the roof.

"I will look for him through the hospital." Shizuo said and turned back around. He could track the flea's scent after all, even though it would be hard with all the other scents and he knew the scent had changed a bit.

Shizuo was about to enter the elevator to the next floor when the door opened and a familiar raven walked out. "Izaya! Where have you been?" Shizuo growled and he saw the raven turn around to face him with a smirk.

"Just walking around, I was bored." Izaya said and kept on walking to his room, followed by Shizuo.

"Do you know how much of a panic you caused, you should have seen them when I came here. I even send one to the roof, since I could see you going there." Shizuo growled, but the raven didn't turn around.

"I wasn't there this time, I was with some other patient I met here." Izaya answered, but what he said had surprised the blonde.

"You're actually talking with someone?"

"Don't be that surprised, Shizu-chan." Izaya said and then sped up a bit, but this was clearly a wrong move as he lost his balance and was about to fall, if it hadn't been for Shizuo catching him in his arms before he could fall.

"Don't walk too quickly." Shizuo said and he had expected the raven to talk back at him, but instead he hung limply in the blonde's arms. "Izaya?" Shizuo tried to see the face the raven was making, but he didn't succeed. "Izaya!" He said a bit louder this time and that got him a reaction from the raven.

"You don't need to yell and I will be more careful next time." Izaya growled and got out of the blonde's arms before stalking away to his room. Shizuo noticed that Izaya was frustrated in the way he was walking and he decided to follow the raven.

xxx

Once Izaya entered his room, there was already a nurse waiting for him, deciding to ignore her he walked straight passed her and went back into his bed.

"Orihara-san, where have you been?" The nurse was clearly not happy with what he had done, but there was no way he was going to tell her.

"I just went out!" He spat and saw the nurse flinch for a bit. "I'm fine, so just leave me alone!" The nurse clearly didn't know what to do and stood there, but then Shizuo came and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Could you leave the two of us alone for a bit?" Shizuo asked nicely and then the nurse nodded and left the room. "Izaya, you realize that this is your own fault?" Shizuo said slowly and sat down in the chair beside the bed.

"As if, I was just bored!" Izaya snapped, but Shizuo didn't flinch.

"I know, but they're only trying to help you."

"With what? Making my condition worse? Keeping me locked in a room? I don't think so! I want to be able to go where I want to go. They said I would need to stay two weeks at the least, well, the two weeks are gone and I'm already going to three weeks, because the recovering isn't going fast enough!" Izaya yelled at the blonde.

If this had been the normal Izaya he would have already been yelling back, but he just answered calmly. "You have every right to be frustrated Izaya, but it is not good to keep it inside. If you really don't want to talk to anyone about this then you can talk to me, yell at me, whatever you want." Shizuo said, he had decided that if this was needed to get the flea back on his feet he was going to do it.

"But, Shizu-chan, you don't understand. I have always been able to move my body however I wanted, but now it isn't listening to me. It's doing unpredictable things and honestly that hurts my pride more than anything." The sad look in the raven's eyes was overwhelming and Shizuo almost felt like he would suffocate if he didn't look away. "What would people say if they knew how I was doing? My enemies would probably laugh at me, some would show pity and others would say that I deserved it."

"That's not true, there's no way they could think that you deserved this!" Shizuo said sternly.

"But isn't that true, Shizu-chan? You want me gone too right? This way you can get rid of me without doing anything." Izaya said and then looked away, he could already feel the tears in his eyes and there was no way he was going to show them to the blonde.

"Not like this, this is not something I want, I want to be able to chase you again and I will make sure of that." Shizuo said and then noticed that the shoulders of the raven were shaking. "Izaya?" Shizuo stood up from his chair and wanted to look in the raven's face, but he shook his head.

"Don't look!" Shizuo could hear the voice break and he knew what was happening. Sitting on the side of the bed, he slowly, but awkwardly pulled the raven in his arms. First he felt Izaya stiffen, but soon the raven relaxed a bit and started clutching his shirt while crying his heart out. Shizuo didn't know how long they would sit there, but he wasn't going to let go till the raven was ready for it.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Chapter 7 is here. Please enjoy reading the chapter.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

It had been so embarrassing to cry in Shizuo's arms and Izaya had been glad that the blonde hadn't said anything before he left. He honestly didn't know how to face Shizuo now. He had broken down in front of his enemy, someone he was determined to never show his weak side to.

While he was still thinking about what just happened the door to his room opened and his doctor walked in together with a nurse. "Have you calmed down yet, Orihara-san?" The doctor asked carefully, which owed him a glare from his patient, but nothing more.

"What do you want?" Izaya asked and kept glaring at the doctor. He noticed the nurse beside the doctor was starting to feel nervous.

"No need to glare like that, I just want to check how you're doing after your trip and discuss what we're going to do from now on." The doctor answered calmly and Izaya dropped the glare and just stared at the man.

"It went fine, so I'm fine to go home." Izaya said, but he knew the doctor wasn't going to let him go just yet.

"I can understand that you want to go home, but I want to make sure that nothing will happen once you're out of here." The doctor was calm, which irritated Izaya. He really couldn't get a reaction out of this man.

"It won't and I have someone to take me home, so that shouldn't be a problem." Izaa answered.

"I know, but something can happen at your home too." Great, this doctor wasn't going to let him go with just that. "I want to see how you're doing and then we're going to discuss when you're free to go home."

"Fine, let's get this over with then." Izaya said to which the doctor came closer to him.

"How have you been with your movement? Have you been able to walk with less effort and have you been losing your balance less? Don't lie, because I can always ask a nurse." The doctor said when Izaya had opened his mouth to answer.

"Walking normally has been going fine, just speeding up has been more of a problem and I've been losing balance if I tried to do that." Izaya said with a sigh.

"That's understandable, but walking has been going fine." The doctor looked for confirmation to the nurse, who nodded. "Alright, have you been having headaches and if you have how severe were they?" Ugh, this doctor was going to keep asking them.

"Sometimes, mostly when I have been worked up about something and they can be pretty bad, I mostly want to sleep when I have them." The doctor nodded once more and wrote something down.

"Have you been having seizures?" This was something Izaya really hated about all this, the seizures.

"Fewer than before the operation, but still some." Izaya hated being honest about this, but the doctor knew he could ask the nurses and then it would come out.

"I can possibly higher the dose of your medication to make them fewer, but you might get stronger side effects from the medication if I do that." The doctor told him honestly. Izaya knew the side effects weren't that pretty to that specific medication, so the seizures might not be so bad.

"I don't need that." Izaya decided in the end, to which the doctor nodded. This time the doctor's face turned serious and Izaya knew that they had come to the next subject.

"You're doing pretty good, even though you're still showing some signs, but I honestly don't think that most will disappear before we finished your treatment." The doctor told him. "I want to keep you a few days more, so how about you going home in 3 days?"

"3 days?" Izaya said, he honestly wanted to leave here right now, but looking at the doctor, he knew there was no negotiation possible. "Ugh, fine." Izaya mumbled.

"After you're released from the hospital, I want to start with radio therapy a week later." Oh right, he still needed radio therapy and chemotherapy. "You will receive it for 7 weeks on the weekdays, so not in the weekend. You will come here in the morning and then you will probably be able to go home in the afternoon, depending on how long the treatment takes. I will give you a schedule when you go home and you should give it to your transport too." Izaya listened to what the doctor was saying and nodded slowly. He had been reminded about the fact that he wasn't done yet and that he still needed the treatment.

"That's fine." He said with a small voice, which the doctor noticed immediately.

"I will leave you alone for now, but we will talk about this more before you're released." The doctor said and then left together with the nurse to leave Izaya alone.

How long was this going to take? And how would Namie react once he finally came back to work? He had only told her to get a vacation for two weeks, which he had extended once he found out he would have to stay longer, but she would definitely be suspicious. Not to mention his clients. He hadn't been working at all, even though he had been planning on.

Closing his eyes, he decided that he would just try to sleep his worries away and deal with them once they came.

xxx

Today was finally the day he was going to leave this hospital, he knew he had to come back for the treatments, but he would still be able to sleep at home.

Celty would be coming at 2pm and right now he had already finished packing everything, he had even already changed. He currently teaching Haru about math and he was honestly surprised when he found out that the kid was quite smart. You just needed to teach him something and he would get it almost immediately.

"You know I will be going home today right?" Izaya asked the boy to which Haru looked up from his books.

"I know and I appreciate that you have been helping me." He answered.

"I will still be able to teach you, you know? I will probably have some time on a day when I have a treatment, but I might not come on a day when I'm feeling bad." Izaya said.

"Would you really be willing to do that?" Haru asked and Izaya could see how surprised he was.

"Yeah, I will probably have to wait for my transport, so I might as well spent my waiting time with you." That seemed like something he might want to do, even though he might not be able to if he felt bad after a treatment.

"If you would want to I would really appreciate it." Haru said and Izaya could see a smile appear on his face. Izaya wanted to say something more, but the door opening interrupted them.

Celty came walking inside with his doctor and as soon as Haru noticed this he had started grabbing his stuff.

"Haru-kun, I will see you soon again, alright?" Izaya said when the boy had turned to leave.

"I will look forward to the next time, Izaya-san." Then the boy left the room, leaving the three people alone.

"Are you ready to leave Orihara-san?" The doctor asked and as an answer Izaya got of the bed and walked over to his bag to grab it, but before he could he was stopped by Celty.

[I will carry that for you.] Celty had already grabbed his bag before Izaya could say anything.

"I'm ready to leave." Izaya answered and waited for the doctor to give him the schedule.

"Here is the schedule I talked about and here is one for you too miss." The doctor handed the both of them a schedule and Celty looked it over. "This is the schedule for the radio therapy, as soon as you start the chemotherapy there will be another one." The doctor explained.

"I'm fine to go now right?" Izaya asked a bit irritated, he really wanted to go and he was already pissed that Celty wouldn't let him carry his own bag.

"Yes, you're free to go, see you in a week." As soon as the doctor said that Izaya walked out of the room and out of the hospital, stopping outside for Celty to get her bike. Getting on behind Celty on the bike they didn't say anything before they left for Shinjuku.

xxx

Once arriving at his apartment, Izaya wanted to grab his bag and let the dullahan go, but she refused and grabbed his bag before heading inside the building.

Irritated, Izaya went after the woman and up to his apartment before he opened the door. He had not expected someone to be there, so when a voice greeted him, he stood still for a moment.

"Izaya? Where have you been?" Namie's voice came and Izaya tried to compose himself before answering.

"I have been away for a bit, nothing more." He knew his hair hadn't grown back yet, so that would have to look suspicious to the woman.

"Did you cut your hair? Why would you do that?" Nothing would go past her. He signaled for Celty to put the bag down and leave, he really didn't need her to be seen by Celty. Once he heard the door behind him close, he knew that the dullahan had left and he grabbed his bag before walking inside.

"I felt like a change." He answered curtly, before placing his bag down and sitting down on his couch.

"You're definitely hiding something." She said, but didn't comment on it further. "You haven't been working at all I heard. I had a lot of calls and mails from your clients, saying that you were unreachable."

"I felt like a break, but I'm going back to work now." Izaya said and then stood up to take place behind his computer, which was a mistake, since the woman had now been able to see the scar at the back of his head.

"How did you get that scar? It looks like a surgical scar." She said when she got closer to Izaya. Izaya could feel panic rising in his chest when she said that. Was it really that obvious? "Have you had surgery? No that can't be true, but if that's true, then it makes a lot of sense, especially if it was a brain surgery." Sometimes she was really too smart.

"It's none of your concern." He said and started his computer.

"Not denying it huh? But I mean, with the uncontrolled movements and the headaches, this makes a lot of sense. The medicine was probably antiseizure and some others wasn't it?" Izaya tried not to give anything away from his face, but he knew that the panic must be visible right now.

"You know that your face is confirming it? What did you have? Hemorrhage in the brain? No not that, probably a tumor of some kind, am I right?" Izaya felt defeated when she said this. "You have been away for a bit more than three weeks, which was probably recovery time, so that means that you will still be having more treatment right?"

"Just shut up!" Izaya yelled and he could see the surprise on her face. "Yes, I have a brain tumor and yes I still need treatment, are you happy now!?" Izaya honestly wanted her to shut up. He was tired and so done with everyone asking what was wrong with him and if everything was going alright.

"Not really, sorry." Namie said. "Should I leave? I will come back tomorrow then." She tried, since it clearly seemed that her boss wouldn't be in the mood to have her here.

"Yeah, leave. I hope you will not mention this ever again." He said and then stood up from his desk, before heading carefully up the stairs. He honestly still didn't trust himself walking up the stairs, but his bed was more comfortable than his couch, so he would have to go upstairs.

Once at the top of the stairs he let out a sigh of relief before he entered his bedroom and laid down on his bed without changing his clothes.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Here is chapter 8. I have decided not to describe the treatment in detail, since there are different kinds and I might make mistakes if I describe it, since I might know the theory, but I have never seen it in real, so I don't feel confident to write about that. Anyway, please enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

A week had gone by way too fast and honestly he wasn't ready. He didn't want to go to that hospital again and start his treatment. He knew he was going to go back and forth between the hospital and his home for the next seven weeks, but there was just no way that he was going to stay in the hospital again, he really preferred his own bed.

The radiotherapy would start at 10am and it would probably last a few hours, even though the therapy itself would only be for around fifteen minutes. He would have to ask for Celty to come after the treatment is finished, since he didn't know how long it would take. Celty was on her way now to pick him up, but it would take at least another ten minutes before she would be here.

"Are you really that nervous?" He heard Namie ask and he turned to face her with a glare. She was just coming to work like normal, even though he would be away for a few hours a day. They had discussed it and came to this, so there would be at least someone at his home while he was away.

"Of course not, I just want this over with." Izaya growled and focussed his eyes on the door. Were those ten minutes over already? He was honestly nervous for the treatment, but somewhere he wanted to have this done as soon as possible.

A knock at his door alerted him of Celty's arrival. "I will be going then." Izaya said and didn't listen if Namie answered before opening the door to see Celty and walking out together with her.

[Are you ready for the treatment?] Celty asked and Izaya looked at her with that question.

"Honestly? Not really, but I have no choice." Izaya said and stepped in the elevator.

Once downstairs they went over to the dullahan's bike and sat on it before they drove away towards the hospital.

xxx

Izaya had said goodbye to Celty and was now walking through the hospital to the room where he needed to be. The nervous feeling hadn't gone away yet and he doubted that it would go away at all.

Once arriving at the room he knocked on the door and waited for permission before he opened the door. Walking inside he noticed that it was still a normal consultation room where the doctor was probably going to ask him questions before they would go to the room where everything was going to happen.

"Good morning, Orihara-san." Greeted the doctor he had gotten familiar with. "How are you feeling today?" He could ignore the question or lie, but he knew he wouldn't get anywhere if he did that.

"Besides feeling nervous? Pretty good." Izaya answered.

"I can understand that you're nervous. Do you want me to explain the procedure once more or are you ready to just start with it?" Izaya thought about it, but he honestly had heard a few times too many, so just getting this over with sounded like the better option.

"Let's just get this over with." Izaya said and he could see the doctor nod.

"Alright, if you don't feel good during the treatment, you need to tell the person who will stay with you." The doctor said and looked through some papers before nodding once more. "If you would please follow me to the room." Izaya saw the doctor point to another room and stood up to follow the doctor inside. This was it, this was going to be the first step in this treatment and there was no way he could step away from this now.

Finally stepping inside, the treatment could be started.

xxx

Izaya felt tired now that the treatment was done, luckily that seemed to be the only thing he felt right now, but he knew that this was just the first day and the side effects would probably get worse once he went on with the treatment.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor had come back now his treatment was done.

"Tired." Izaya said and slowly sat up from the bed he was laying on.

"No nausea or other side effects?" Izaya knew he had to ask this, but it didn't take away that it was irritating.

"No, just tired." He answered curtly.

"That's good, get some rest once you're home then." The doctor said and scribbled something down on a paper, before looking at Izaya once more. "You're free to go now, I will see you tomorrow." When the doctor said that Izaya stood up from the bed and walked out of the room before he grabbed his phone. He would need to text Celty to come pick him up.

Opening his phone he noticed that it was almost 1pm. He had been here for three hours already. The radio therapy itself had only lasted a bit more than fifteen minutes, but everything around that had taken more time. It was honestly no wonder he felt tired, but he would still go and visit Haru, since he felt pretty good.

[Celty, I'm done, I will be waiting for you in room 305.] Izaya send as a text to the dullahan, so that she knew where to pick him up.

While he was making his way to the room he received a reply from Celty. [I'm on my way.]

Izaya thought about sending another message, but decided against it, since he was now at Haru's room. Knocking on the door, he waited till he heard an answer before opening the door.

"Orihara-san, are you finished with your first treatment?" The boy asked and looked the man up and down before settling on his face.

"Yeah, I'm finished, I was honestly nervous, but everything went fine." Izaya said and smiled to try and hide how tired he was feeling after the treatment. "Did you do the things I asked you to do?" Izaya asked to try and change the subject.

"I did!" Haru replied enthusiastically and grabbed the papers to show them to Izaya. Izaya looked the papers over, looking for mistakes, but he couldn't find anything.

"There are no mistakes, you're really smart, you know?" Izaya complimented the boy and he could see the smile on the boy's face widen.

"Thank you! I will make sure to go further with the exercises for the next time you come and if I don't understand anything I will ask you." Haru said and smiled.

"You do that. Have you any questions about the things you did last week?" Izaya asked the boy, who shook his head indicating that he didn't have any questions.

"Alright, make sure to ask if you have some questions." Izaya felt tired, but he had promised the boy to help him.

"I will, when is Celty coming to pick you up?" Haru asked. Izaya didn't know why the boy asked him, because he couldn't know that he was tired.

"She should be here soon, but until then I have all the time to be with you." Izaya smirked at the boy. "Or were you planning on doing something when I left?"

"Orihara-san, you just look tired, that's why I was asking." Izaya's eyes widened in surprise.

"How did you notice?" He really didn't understand how the boy found out.

"It's normal to be tired after radiotherapy and your whole posture is telling me it." The boy said and Izaya's face faltered.

"I really can't hide anything from you." Izaya mumbled and leaned forward to rest his head on the edge of the boy's bed.

"You don't need to force yourself to come here." Haru said which made Izaya look up at him.

"I want to come here." Izaya said which surprised the boy clearly. "And I have time after the treatment before Celty comes, so don't say that." He honestly wanted to be here, even though he was tired.

"I understand, but if you're tired you should rest instead of helping me." Izaya groaned at that.

"Didn't I tell you not to worry?"

"Right."

The door opened before they could talk any further and they both looked to see Celty walking in. [I'm here to take Izaya home.] She typed.

"Ah sure, I will see you next time, Haru-kun." Izaya said and stood up to follow the dullahan.

"See you next time, Izaya-san." He heard the boy say before he left the room and closed the door behind him.

[How are you feeling?] He read on the pda.

"Tired." Was all he said.

[No other side effects?] He shook his head when he read that. He honestly didn't feel like answering. He knew that the first sign he would probably notice was that his hair was going to fall out, so that was also the reason why he was already wearing his hat.

They stayed silent while walking through and out of the hospital and stayed silent all the way to Izaya's apartment.

xxx

Once they arrived, Izaya got off of the bike and turned to face Celty. "Thanks, same time tomorrow?" He asked the woman who nodded.

[Same time, get some rest when you're in your apartment Izaya.] She said and left after the raven had nodded.

With a sigh Izaya took the elevator to his floor and went over to his apartment before opening the door.

"Welcome back, how did it go?" He heard as soon as he stepped inside.

"It went fine, I'm just tired." Izaya said and walked further inside in his apartment. He could do some work, but he honestly felt like he wouldn't be able to focus anyway, so he might as well get some rest. "I think I'm going to take a nap." Izaya said and was about to go up the stairs when he was stopped by Namie's voice.

"Before you go and take a nap, I need to tell you that Shiki-san called to ask you for a job. He said he would be coming over and I tried to tell him that you weren't available, but he ignored me." Namie said and Izaya couldn't help but sigh at that.

"Look, I'm tired, okay? You handle him, while I take a nap." Namie wanted to say something, but was interrupted when a knock came at the door. "Don't tell me he's already here?" Izaya groaned, but turned to open the door anyway. Great, just great, he was feeling way too tired for this.

Opening the door Shiki-san was revealed to be the one on the other side of the door. "Shiki-san, to what do I owe this pleasure." Izaya tried to smirk, but he was just too tired to keep it up.

"I came with another job for you, but your assistant told me you weren't available, but it seems like you're free." Shiki said and Izaya could feel the man eyeing him all over.

"She told you that, because she didn't know when I was coming back and honestly I'm not in the mood for a job right now." Izaya said and he could see Shiki starting to frown.

"You have never refused a job, but I must say that you're not looking really good, are you sick?" Shiki said and Izaya could feel his intense stare.

"Something like that, so do you now understand that I can't take your job? I will give you a call when I'm feeling better." He hated showing the man how weak he felt, but he really wasn't in the mood for a job.

Shiki's eyes narrowed and Izaya knew that couldn't mean anything good. "Refusing a job is something that I can't allow, sick or not." He said and Izaya wanted to just shut the door on him, so that he wouldn't need to handle the man any longer.

"What if I take the job?" Izaya suddenly heard the voice of his assistant. "I can take care of it for as long as he isn't feeling well." Had she seriously just offered to take a job from the yakuza?

Shiki's eyes stayed narrowed for a moment, before relaxing. "Fine, but make sure to get better soon. Can I come inside now to discuss the job?" He asked and Izaya nodded before stepping aside to let the man in.

Closing the door, he followed inside, but didn't make his way over to the couch. "If you're fine with only Namie, I will be going to my room now." He said and when the other man waved him away, he walked up the stairs and into his room for a long nap.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Chapter 9! Enjoy reading this chapter and please write a review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Two weeks of treatment had gone by and today was the day he would be starting the third week. Where he had been feeling just tired on the first day, he was feeling a lot worse now. The tiredness was still there and seemed to only have increased, but now he felt nauseous too and he hadn't felt much like eating either.

And then of course there was the hair loss. He had woken up every morning with more of his hair laying on his pillow, which frustrated him to no end. He had hoped that he wouldn't lose the hair, but it seemed like it had been futile.

Now that he was losing his hair he was almost constantly wearing his hat, just not when he slept and when he was being treated. He didn't want others to see what was happening to him, so he had kept it hidden.

Groaning he pushed himself up from his bed and looked down at his pillow to once again see some of his hair laying there. He honestly didn't want to look at it, but he couldn't help it. Getting up he walked over to his closet and pulled some clothes out before going into the bathroom.

Turning on the shower to an acceptable warmth he undressed and walked into the shower without looking in the mirror. He had stopped looking into it since he had had his surgery. He honestly didn't feel comfortable with looking into one.

Once finished with his shower he put on his clothes and his hat before heading down the stairs. He knew he wouldn't have much time before Celty would be here to pick him up, so that meant that Namie was probably already downstairs.

What he hadn't expected was for Shiki to be sitting on his couch discussing things with Namie. "Good morning." Izaya said grabbing their attention and he could feel the other man's eyes staring at him.

"Good morning, make sure you eat something before you go out." Namie said. Namie had started taking care of him and he did feel grateful for that, but honestly at times like this he preferred if she wouldn't interfere with what he wanted.

"I'm not hungry." Izaya sighed and then remembered that Shiki was still here. "I should leave the two of you alone." Izaya said and just as he had said that there was a knock at the door. "Seems like my ride is here." He said and grabbed his jacket, but before he could open the door he heard Namie's voice.

"You should really eat something, Izaya." But he ignored her and opened the door before leaving with Celty towards the hospital leaving the two people behind.

"He looks worse than last time." Shiki commented to Namie and the woman just shook his head.

"He has a lot going on right now, but I can't believe he isn't eating." She sighed.

"That's his own responsibility. If you're fine with it, shall we get back to business?" Shiki said to which Namie nodded.

xxx

After the treatment, Izaya felt bad and not just a bit, but really bad. He heard the door opening and saw the doctor walking inside, but he didn't trust himself in sitting up yet, because he felt quite nauseous.

"How are you feeling?" Why was that always the first thing the doctor asked?

"Not good." Izaya replied curtly and still didn't sit up.

"That's not good, are you tired? Nauseous? Or something else?" The doctor was asking for more details and Izaya honestly didn't feel like giving them.

"Both." Izaya answered and closed his eyes for a bit.

"Are you eating normally? Seems like you lost some weight." Oh, now he was commenting on his weight. So he lost weight? Well, the doctor should try to eat something when he felt nauseous and would just throw up if you tried.

The doctor noticed that he wasn't getting an answer. "It's because of the nausea isn't it?" Izaya decided to give him a short nod. "Alright, I will give you some medicine for it, it will give you back you appetite and it will help a bit with the nausea. I will prescribe you some megestrol acetate or megace for short. Just like I said, megace will help improve your appetite and will help you gain some weight, since your body is really in need of the nutrients." The doctor explained and Izaya kept himself from groaning when he heard about the fact that he would be getting more medicine. "I will also prescribe you some antidepressants." What? He was not depressed, so why would he need that?

"Why would I need that!" Izaya almost yelled, but this just made his nausea worse and noticing that he was about to throw up the doctor gave him something to throw up in.

The doctor waited till he was finished with throwing up before answering. "I'm not saying you're depressed, but I would advise you to take them." Izaya wanted to complain again, but it was probably needed if the doctor told him to take it.

"Fine, is Celty already informed to come pick me up?" Izaya asked. He had left it to the doctor if he was clearly not feeling well enough and this had been one of those times.

"I did, but she told me she wasn't able to get you and that she would sent Shizuo to come here." Izaya's eyes opened wide at that.

"No, not Shizu-chan, I can call my assistant to come and pick me up, Shizu-chan doesn't need to come." There was no way he could face the blonde after what had happened the last time. He still remembered clearly how he had broken down in front of him and had even cried.

"I can't send him back now, can I?" The doctor countered and Izaya opened his mouth to complain once more, but a knock at the door interrupted him.

"Heiwajima-san is here for Orihara-san." A nurse said.

"We will be right there." The doctor said and turned back to Izaya. "Seems like you have no choice."

Izaya wanted to complain a bit more, but decided that there was no way that was going to help. Sliding of the bed he stood up, but suddenly felt dizzy. This caused him to lose his balance, but the doctor caught him before he could fall.

"This happens when you don't eat enough." The doctor said, but Izaya knew that it wasn't just because he had eaten nothing.

"Let's get to Shizu-chan." He mumbled, not really wanting to go, but there was no way he was coming home alone like this and he knew that. The doctor walked in front of him and opened the door before letting Izaya through and then following himself.

Once Izaya was through the door he could already see the blonde waiting for him and he walked slowly towards him. "Ah, Shizu-chan, you came to pick me up?" Izaya tried to smirk at the blonde, but he knew he failed.

"Yeah, Celty wasn't able to come." Shizuo said before turning to the doctor. "Is he free to go?"

"He's fine to go, just be careful, since he hasn't been eating he is prone to feeling faint or dizzy and make sure to tell his assistant to make sure that he eats more." The doctor said and then walked over with a receipt. "This is his new prescription for the medicine, please pick it up from the pharmacy on your way out."

Izaya honestly wanted to just go, but the doctor just had to tell the blonde about how he hadn't been eating. "Shizu-chan, let's go." Izaya said and started tugging at the blonde's arm.

"Ah right, was that all?" He asked the doctor and when he received a nod, the two of them walked out of the room and towards the pharmacy.

xxx

Once they were out of the hospital, they stopped a taxi to take them to Shinjuku. There was no way that they were going to walk or use public transportation, since Izaya would definitely not be able to handle that.

Now that they were in the car a silence had fallen between them and Izaya didn't want to be the first one to break it.

"Are you feeling alright?" The blonde suddenly asked and Izaya turned to face Shizuo.

"Not really, I'm tired and still feeling nauseous." Izaya answered honestly.

"Is that why you're not eating?" Of course, the blonde couldn't keep quiet about that.

"Is it that hard to believe?" Izaya asked a bit irritated.

"Izaya, I'm just asking, okay?" Shizuo was getting a bit irritated too.

"I didn't ask for you help!" Izaya raised his voice and could see the chauffeur looking nervously at them through the rear mirror, but he ignored it and the blonde clearly too.

"I'm doing this because you need it!" Izaya fell silent with that. Did he really need the blonde to help him? That just made him feel more weak than he knew he was.

"I'm fine." Izaya said in a small voice and looked away.

"You're not fine, don't bottle it all up. I told you, you can tell me." Shizuo said more softly now too.

"You don't understand. I hate being this weak." Izaya honestly wanted to cry, but there was no way he was going to do that here.

"You're strong, I don't know a person who's stronger than you mentally." Shizuo said.

"But not physically." He hated that his body couldn't keep up with his mind any longer and that his brain was at fault too.

"I have always been stronger than you physically, so that's nothing new." Izaya knew he was right, but that didn't take away that he felt weaker. He was tired, nauseous and honestly felt like he had no energy.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we have arrived." The chauffeur suddenly said and Izaya focussed on what was outside to see his apartment building.

Izaya wanted to take out the money, but Shizuo had already paid and went to his side of the car to help him out. Izaya wanted to slap his hands away, but instead accepted them, since he felt like he had no energy.

"Thanks." He mumbled once they were out of the car.

"No problem." Shizuo said and then started leading the raven inside the building and into the elevator. Once they were at the right floor, Izaya went over to his door and opened it, before walking inside. He was glad to see that Shiki was no longer there and that only Namie was here.

"Welcome back." The woman told him, but Izaya ignored her and went straight towards the couch before flopping down on it, landing with his face in a pillow. He could hear Shizuo walking inside his apartment, but he honestly didn't feel like paying attention.

"Heiwajima Shizuo? That's a surprise." Namie said.

"Yeah, Celty couldn't come, so I came instead." Shizuo said and then walked over to her. He still had to tell her what the doctor had told him. "Izaya got some new medication and the doctor told me to tell you to make sure he eats more." Shizuo gave the message.

"I expected as much, I told him this morning to eat, but he ignored me." Namie said and got the medicine from the blonde and opened it. "Megace? That's probably to help with the nausea and to improve his appetite. And antidepressants? Those are new, the other three he already had." Namie said and then went over to the kitchen and got some water before heading over to Izaya. "Izaya you need to take you medicine."

Izaya let out a groan, but got up anyway and sat on the couch. Accepting the pills his assistant gave him and swallowing them with the water, he went back to lie down.

"I will make you something to eat, alright?" Namie said and went back to the kitchen.

Shizuo was still standing in the room, not really sure what to do. "You can go home Shizu-chan, thanks for bringing me home." Izaya said tiredly and looked over at the blonde.

"Fine, if you need me, just give me a call." Shizuo said and then left the apartment.

Izaya closed his eyes as soon as he heard the door close and drifted of into a light sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Here is chapter 10! I hope you don't hate me for doing this to Izaya, but I'm not really sorry for it. Anyway, enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya got woken up by a knock at his bedroom door. He groaned a bit and turned to his side, since he didn't feel like waking up yet. The knocking became louder, but Izaya still tried to ignore it.

"Izaya! Shizuo is here to pick you up, so get ready to go." He heard Namie's voice through the door. Suddenly he sat up in bed, but clearly too fast, since he felt immediately dizzy. Laying back down for a bit, he heard his door open and saw Namie walking in.

"Were you still sleeping?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, sorry, tell Shizu-chan I will be down soon." Izaya mumbled and closed his eyes for a bit.

"Don't go back to sleep, next time I will send him up if you're not downstairs soon." Namie said before leaving him in his bedroom once more.

Celty had told him yesterday that she wouldn't be able to help him today, so she had made sure that Shizuo would be there to help him to and from the hospital.

Izaya pulled his blankets of him and slipped out of his bed, before heading over to his closet and grabbing some clothes to put on. The treatment had been going on for another four weeks and he honestly didn't feel like going on with this any longer, even though he was entering the last week of radiotherapy. The medicine he had gotten at the start of the third week had helped a bit, but the nausea had still been there and the tiredness had only increased with every treatment. He had been able to recover a bit every weekend, but it still wasn't enough. He felt tired and drained of his energy and that was not even the worst, but something seemed to have made the symptoms worse too. The uncontrolled movements and the headaches have been coming back. Especially last week, it would probably be better to tell the doctor about it today.

Lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed that he had been taking his time and was still holding his clothes without having put them on. A knock came on the door and this time it was more forceful, indicating that it had to be Shizuo this time.

"Izaya, have you gone back to sleep?" It was clear that the blonde was trying to keep his calm and Izaya was grateful for that. He really couldn't handle an angry blonde now.

"I'm getting dressed." Izaya said, making sure the blonde wouldn't come inside while he was changing clothes.

After having changed his clothes, Izaya opened the door to see Shizuo standing there.

"That took you long enough." The blonde commented.

"I know, sorry, I'm just tired." He said and started walking down the stairs carefully, but not carefully enough, since halfway down he felt his foot slip and lost his balance. He felt himself fall down, but before he could hit anything he felt a strong arm wrap around him.

"Watch out, you don't want to fall." He heard Shizuo say, while his heart was beating fast. This was why Izaya didn't like stairs anymore, he was afraid that he would fall down and just now had been once again proof for it. "Izaya?" Shizuo reminded him that he hadn't said anything yet.

"I'm fine Shizu-chan, thanks for catching me." But Izaya could feel his body shaking, which was clearly not convincing the blonde, but luckily Shizuo didn't comment on it.

Getting out of the blonde's arms he stepped down the stairs shakily. Once downstairs he stood still for a bit, willing his heart to calm down. Shizuo was soon by his side, but before the blonde could say anything Izaya turned towards the door. "Let's go Shizu-chan." The blonde had no time to protest, since Izaya just walked out of his apartment without waiting for the blonde.

"I called a cab." He heard the blonde say once they were outside the building. Izaya looked at the street and soon spotted the cab.

"That is the one right?" He asked the blonde to make sure that he would step into the right one. A nod from the blonde confirmed it and they went together into the cab before telling it to go to the hospital.

xxx

Once at the hospital they got out of the cab and into the hospital. "You don't need to go with me Shizu-chan, since you might need to wait for a few hours." Izaya said, but Shizuo shook his head.

"I'm free anyway, so I will be staying here waiting for you." The blonde wasn't going to tell the raven that the doctor had wanted to talk to him about how it was going, since the raven would definitely not like that.

"Fine, it's your free time." Izaya said and then knocked on a door once they had arrived.

"Come in." They heard from inside and the both of them walked inside once the door was opened by Izaya.

"Ah, welcome, Orihara-san and Heiwajima-san." The doctor said and pointed to two chairs where they could sit down.

"How have you been feeling?" Was the first thing the doctor asked Izaya.

"Still tired and sometimes nauseous." Izaya answered.

"How have the symptoms been?" Izaya knew exactly what the doctor meant and he knew that telling the truth was what was needed, but saying it where Shizuo was sitting next to him, was not something he felt really comfortable with.

"They have gotten worse over the past week." Izaya mumbled and when he looked at Shizuo he could see the blonde staring at him slightly concerned.

"Have you been taking your medicine?" The doctor asked and Izaya glared at him. Did he really think that he wasn't taking his medicine?

"I have." Izaya answered curtly.

"I didn't mean it as accusing, it was just a routine question." The doctor told Izaya. "But we will need to look into that, since the symptoms shouldn't be getting worse." Izaya felt his heart sink when he heard this. This could probably only mean one thing right? Had the tumor grown again or was there something else?

"You mean, that the tumor might have grown bigger right?" Izaya asked just to have it clarified. He honestly hoped that that wasn't true, but he knew it was a possibility.

"Sadly, that is a possibility." The doctor answered honestly. "I want to do another MRI, so that we can see what is wrong." Izaya really didn't like this. He had hoped that he wouldn't need a second surgery, but if the tumor had grown, that was definitely unavoidable.

"You mean to say that the treatment he has been having isn't working?" Shizuo asked suddenly and Izaya noticed that he was definitely concerned.

"That can be possible. I would like to start the treatment now and then afterwards, we will do an MRI to see what is wrong." The doctor said and Izaya honestly didn't feel like going to the treatment now, but seeing as he didn't have a choice he slowly stood up.

"I will be back in a while, Shizu-chan." That was the last thing Izaya said to the blonde before he disappeared to the other room, leaving Shizuo behind.

xxx

Shizuo had waited for the doctor to come back, since he had wanted to talk. He had to wait for a bit, but he knew that it had to be a lot worse for Izaya, so he waited patiently for once.

Soon enough the door opened again and the doctor came inside. "Heiwajima-san? I would like to talk about how it is going with Orihara-san." Shizuo nodded.

"How has he been doing? Has anything caught your attention?" Shizuo didn't need to think about this.

"He has been really tired and his movements have been very careful, as if he is afraid for his body to move wrong. This morning he slipped and almost fell down the stairs, but I was able to catch him before he really fell." Shizuo said, thinking about what had happened that morning. "His eating habits have improved for what his assistant told me and I don't think he has lost more weight, even though I don't know if he has gained any weight." The doctor nodded.

"It seems as if the symptoms have been getting worse and the treatment has been making him more tired than he was before. I had wanted to start the Chemotherapy next week, but we might need to do a surgery first if the tumor has grown back." The doctor said and Shizuo felt concerned for the raven. He knew Izaya really didn't want a second surgery, but now it seemed like it wasn't possible to avoid it.

"Izaya doesn't really like the idea of a second surgery." Shizuo decided to tell the doctor about this.

"That was something I noticed, but it might be the only way to remove the tumor, even though we would need to watch out for damaging the brain during surgery, since I'm planning on removing it fully this time." Shizuo didn't like the fact that the doctor was worried about damaging the raven's brain.

"What could happen if you damage something?" He might not want to know it, but he wanted to be prepared for what was to come.

"He could go blind or paralyzed or something else." The doctor informed in and Shizuo didn't like what he heard.

"Izaya would probably rather die than that that would happen to him." Shizuo mumbled.

"That's not for you to decide, but he might want to talk to someone about it, so that would probably be you. That's also why I'm telling you this." The doctor said and locked gazes with the blonde.

"I understand that he needs me, but honestly this is a lot to take in." Shizuo said and the doctor nodded in understanding.

"I understand, I will leave you alone now, you're free to wait for Orihara-san here." And with that the doctor left, leaving the blonde with his own thoughts.

xxx

The treatment was over, but Izaya kept laying down for a moment. He didn't feel like sitting up yet and he knew that he would be going to an MRI after this. He couldn't believe that he would actually need to do another MRI and that there is a possibility for another surgery.

The door opened and Izaya could hear footsteps approaching him. "Are you ready to go for the MRI?" He heard the doctor ask, to which Izaya slowly sat up.

"We need to find out what is wrong right? So let's just get this over with." He really didn't feel up to it, but he wanted to know what was wrong.

"The MRI is ready, so let's get you there alright?" Izaya didn't need to be asked that again and slowly slid of the bed, but suddenly his legs felt weak and they weren't able to carry him anymore.

"Wha-" Izaya said and stared at his legs while he was sitting on the floor. The doctor had heard him fall down and had hurried over.

"What happened?"

"My legs just gave out." Izaya said and tried to stand up, but his legs couldn't carry his weight. This was just like that time he had fallen down from the stairs for the first time.

"Can you get a wheelchair?" A nurse nodded and went out to get a wheelchair, but this only alerted Shizuo and soon he was standing in the door opening.

"What happened?" The blonde asked while he walked over.

"His legs gave out." Said the doctor since the raven was staring at his legs. Why wouldn't they listen to him? They wouldn't carry his weight, but movement was something that didn't happen either. "Are you able to move them?" He could hear the doctor ask, but Izaya was panicking. Why wouldn't his legs move? This couldn't be happening. Without the use of his legs he would be nothing.

"Izaya?" Izaya could hear the blonde's concerned voice and he looked up at the blonde with a desperate face.

"What should I do Shizu-chan? I can't move them." Izaya started sobbing and suddenly he found himself in the blonde's arms once more.

"It will be fine." Shizuo tried to sooth him, but Izaya felt like his world had just crashed down. He couldn't move his legs, which meant he wouldn't be able to walk or run, which were what he wanted to do again, but who knew? He might never be able to move his legs again.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Chapter 11 is here. Enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

The MRI had indicated that the tumor had indeed grown back and that the treatment didn't seem to have had much of an effect.

Izaya had a panic attack after the MRI, since he still wasn't able to move his legs. The doctors decided that it would be best if he stayed in the hospital, so he was once again admitted and was now laying in a bed in hospital clothing with Shizuo on the chair beside his bed.

Izaya hated being in the hospital once more and he hated it more that his legs wouldn't move and that he would probably need surgery soon.

"Izaya?" He heard the blonde saying his name and he looked in his direction.

"What is it Shizu-chan?" Izaya looked at the blonde, wanting to know what he was going to say.

"Should I go to your apartment and get you some stuff?" Izaya knew he would need some things, but he was planning on asking Namie and he would also need to tell Celty.

"I will get Namie to bring them." Izaya answered and then averted his gaze. "I want you to stay here." He mumbled after that.

"Alright, I will stay." Izaya could feel the blonde's hand grabbing his and hold it carefully in his own.

"Thanks." He said softly and then grabbed his phone with his free hand. He would need to tell Namie about this and send Celty a text. He decided that sending a text would be better to do first and after that he could call Namie.

[Celty, I have been admitted to the hospital again, so I don't need you transport anymore for now.] And send. He hoped that the woman wouldn't panic, since he honestly didn't feel like explaining it through a text.

Taking a deep breath he called Namie and held the phone to his ear waiting for her to pick up.

"Izaya, what do you want?" He heard her not so friendly greeting.

"Ah Namie, don't be so mean to me~" Izaya tried to sound mocking, but he knew he failed and that the woman would notice it. He could feel Shizuo squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"What happened? And don't give me that you're fine, because clearly something happened." The woman really knew him too well.

"I was admitted to the hospital again, so could you please bring my stuff here?" Izaya wasn't going to tell her more than that. She would find out soon enough when she got here.

"You're not going to tell me why?"

"I will tell you when you're here."

"Fine, just some clothes, your laptop and other necessities, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Alright, I will be coming over once I gathered everything. See you soon."

"Yeah, see you soon." Izaya said and then hung up. He almost put his phone away when he received a message.

[What happened? I will be coming over now.] Celty was clearly concerned.

[You don't need to come right away.]

[But I want to.]

[Shinra will suspect something.]

[Ah, about that… Ehm… He read the message you send?]

[What do you mean?]

[He knows you got admitted to the hospital and wants to come see you.]

Izaya cursed when he read that message. Shizuo gave him a questioning look to which Izaya showed him the messages from Celty.

"I didn't want him to find out. Now he won't leave me alone." Izaya complained.

"Yeah, I can try and keep him out." Shizuo offered.

"Don't bother, I knew I would have to deal with him sooner or later." He had just hoped that it was later.

[Fine, but if he gets irritating you need to take him back.] He answered to the woman finally.

[I will do that, we will be there as soon as we can.] Great it was going to get busy here, but how was he ever going to tell them the reason he was in the hospital. He knew that a surgery would be needed to happen soon, since then he would have the highest chance to get his legs working again, but the recovery would take a lot longer this time and there were risks, since they were planning on removing everything this time and with that came the risk of damage to his brain.

"You don't need to tell them about your legs if you don't want to. You can always just tell that you only needed a surgery." The blonde told him and Izaya gave him a small smile for that.

"It's probably better to tell or show them the truth." Izaya's smile turned sad, but he felt like he had cried enough already, he just felt empty and tired now, but he knew that sleep wouldn't come yet.

"It will be fine and I will be here with you, alright?" Shizuo said and looked Izaya in the eyes to make sure the raven knew he meant it.

"Shizu-chan… I honestly don't know what to do." Izaya told the blonde softly and Shizuo opened his mouth to speak when a knock came at the door.

Izaya cleared his throat, before facing the door. "Come in." He said and then the door opened to reveal Namie carrying a bag.

"I hadn't expected you to be here yet." Izaya told the woman.

"I took a cab." Was all the answer he got before the bag was dropped beside his bed. "I put everything in there that I think you will need and of course your laptop." Namie said and looked her boss over for a moment. "What happened that you needed to be hospitalised?" There was the question he had dreaded, but he didn't want to tell it more than once, so he wanted to wait till Celty and Shinra would be here too.

"Can you wait for a bit? Celty and Shinra are on their way too. I only need to tell it once that way." It was clear that Namie wasn't happy with this.

"Fine, but I hope they won't take too long." She said and then grabbed another chair to sit down on.

xxx

Luckily it didn't take too long before a knock sounded at the door and Izaya called them in. The door opened and in walked Celty followed by a not so calm Shinra, even though Izaya could see that Celty herself wasn't that calm either.

"Izaya, what happened?" Came Shinra's voice and soon he found the doctor beside him on the other side then where Shizuo sat. "And what is Shizuo doing here?" Oh right, he didn't know that they were on some sort of good terms right now.

"Shinra, calm down." Shizuo said and glared at the doctor to make his point. "Izaya will tell you when he wants to, not because you forced him."

"It's fine Shizu-chan. I told them that I would tell them, so it's fine." Izaya said and he tried to smile reassuringly to the blonde, but it didn't come.

"It's up to you." Was all Shizuo said, but he didn't let go of the hand he had still been holding giving it a small squeeze to help the raven.

"Everyone except Shinra knows this, but since Shinra doesn't I will start at the beginning." Izaya started. "Shinra, in september I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I had surgery two weeks after I found out and it took me almost a month to recover from it."

"You had brain cancer?" The doctor asked, but Izaya made a move to tell him to stay silent.

"Actually have, since it's not gone. They weren't able to remove the tumor completely with that surgery and so they tried to remove the rest by giving me radiotherapy. Today was the start of my seventh week and my last planned week. This was also why I needed Celty to help me to and from the hospital. Even though the treatment should have been helping the symptoms had been coming back for the last week. So they had decided to do another MRI today, but after today's treatment something… happened." Izaya paused here. Did he really want to tell them this? They might pity him and he would show them how weak he really was right now. A soft squeeze in his hand made him look to Shizuo, who gave a small nod of encouragement.

Taking a deep breath Izaya nodded slowly too and opened his mouth to speak again. "After the treatment I… got of the bed and then... " Why was this so hard to tell? "My legs… They gave out…" He looked to all the people in the room, but he couldn't read their expressions. "I can't move them." He said softly and looked down at his lap not wanting to look at the other people.

It stayed silent for a while, it seemed that no one really knew what to say, that was until Shinra cleared his throat. "And what about the MRI? What did it show?" Izaya was honestly grateful to him for not commenting on what he had told and to just ask another question.

"The tumor has grown back, so I will need another surgery." Izaya mumbled, but still didn't look up.

"I see and they're going to try and remove it completely this time?" Izaya nodded and this time he did dare to look up at Shinra, since the doctor seemed calm with his words, but this was a mistake, since even though the doctor had sounded calm he definitely wasn't looking calm.

"It brings risks, since they can damage my brain, but they say it's the only way they can try and make my legs working again." Izaya felt tired and drained. Today had been too much for him, from the moment he had woken up till now.

"I need to leave now, there is still work waiting." Namie suddenly said and walked over to her boss. "You need to get back soon, alright? You still need to pay my paycheck." With that she left and then Shinra and Celty stood up too.

"We should go too." Shinra said, but Izaya wanted to ask something of Celty before they left.

"Celty, could you do something for me?" Izaya asked and noticed that he got the woman's attention.

[Of course. What do I need to do?] The reply came.

"Can you tell Haru-kun I'm back in the hospital? He should still be in the same room."

[Sure.] Was all he received before the both of them left.

"Haru-kun?" Shizuo asked and Izaya nodded.

"A boy I met when I was in the hospital the last time. Fifteen years old, heart disease, needs a heart transplant." Izaya told him the info. "I helped him with his studies, since he is planning on going to high school once he is out of the hospital."

"You helping someone?" Shizuo asked with a smirk.

"He's a really nice kid." Izaya said and then yawned. "I'm tired, but he might come, so I don't want to sleep yet."

"You should get some sleep." Shizuo said. "I will stay here."

"They might kick you out." Izaya told him.

"Do you really think they will be able to kick me out?" Shizuo said and showed a grin.

"No not really, just don't wreck the place." Izaya said. He tried to stay awake, but his eyes were slowly closing, too tired to stay open.

"Just go to sleep, if the kid comes, he can either wait till you wake up or come back later." Shizuo said and then Izaya closed his eyes to fall into a restless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Here is chapter 12. Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya opened his eyes when he had woken up. He could no longer feel Shizuo's hand in his own and when he looked to the side he saw that the blonde wasn't there. Where had he gone to? He said he would stay here right?

Izaya started panicking. Why was Shizuo not here? Izaya tried to feel if the chair was still warm, but he miscalculated, which made him lose his balance and before he even knew it he tumbled out of the bed and onto the ground.

A pained groan escaped his lips when he pushed himself up on his arms, his legs sprawled behind him, since they had fallen out last. On instinct he tried to move his legs under him, just to be reminded that he couldn't move them when they didn't listen.

The chair Shizuo had sat in wasn't that far away, but he knew it would be hard to get himself upright with just his arms and somehow it seemed like he hadn't made enough noise for someone to come.

Where was the alarm button again? Looking up towards his bed he saw it hanging there, definitely out of his reach. Seems like he needed to get up by himself. The only question was how.

Suddenly the door opened and he looked up to see Haru walking in. "Izaya-san?" It seemed like the boy hadn't seen him yet.

"On the ground." Izaya said trying to keep the panic he was feeling out of his voice. Izaya could see Haru walking in his direction and then looking down.

"What happened?" The boy asked and Izaya looked down to the ground.

"I fell out of the bed. Can you ask for help." He knew he couldn't ask the boy to help him, since it might be bad for his heart if he exerted too much.

"Right, I will be right back." The boy said and then disappeared leaving Izaya once more alone on the ground. He hated this. Why wouldn't his legs listen to him? If they could just move he would be able to get to the chair at least, but now he couldn't even do that.

Izaya could hear hurried footsteps approaching him and he looked up to see Shizuo, followed by Haru and a nurse.

"Shizu-chan, I'm sorry." Izaya said.

"Don't be, it's my fault for leaving for a bit." The blonde said and then picked up the raven before placing him back on the bed. Izaya saw the blonde trying to get away again, but he didn't want him to leave again, so he grabbed his shirt.

"Don't leave." Izaya felt like crying again. The blonde had once again seen him in a weak state.

"I won't, but let the nurse check you for a bit." Shizuo said and took Izaya's hand of his shirt before letting the nurse get to the raven.

"Orihara-san, I need to see if you have injured yourself with the fall. Does it hurt anywhere?" The woman asked and was already checking his hands for wounds, but luckily there weren't any. Seemed like there weren't any wounds at all for so far as he could feel, so he shook his head to her question.

That was until the nurse came to his legs and Izaya could already see the wounds on his knees. He wasn't even able to feel them and that just reminded him once more that he couldn't move them or feel them for that matter.

The nurse looked and then went to get stuff to clean the wounds and wrap them in bandages. All Izaya could do was stare at how she was working as if in a trance and he didn't even notice he was crying till he felt Shizuo take his hand once more, squeezing softly.

"Alright, I'm done. Do you need anything else?" The nurse asked, but Izaya could only shake his head and the nurse left with that.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked and looked up to the blonde once his tears had stopped.

"Hm?" The blonde asked and Izaya looked down for a moment, ashamed that he was going to ask this.

"I need to use the toilet." He said in a small voice, since Haru was still there in the room too.

"Ah." The blonde said and then nodded slowly. "It's fine if I carry you right?" A nod was all the blonde needed, before he lifted the raven once again and took him into the bathroom before sitting him on the toilet. "Are you fine on your own?"

"Can you help me get my boxers down?" Izaya's face was red now and he didn't dare look at Shizuo. The blonde didn't say anything but went over and lifted the raven up to a standing position and supported him while he slid off the boxers, before putting the raven back.

"When you're finished call for me alright?" A nod was all he received before he left the bathroom.

"How is he?" Shizuo almost jumped at the voice and looked at the kid who had gotten him to help Izaya.

"Haru-kun was it? He has been having a hard time since yesterday, so I don't really know how he is doing right now."

"What happened to his legs?" The boy just had to ask that question.

"He hasn't been able to use them since yesterday and they say he needs a second surgery to remove the tumor completely and that it is his only chance that his legs will be able to work again." Shizuo explained and the boy opened his mouth to comment on it, but Izaya interrupted it by calling for the blonde.

Shizuo opened the door and went inside again. "Are you done?" A nod came and Shizuo slowly lifted the raven to a standing position again before lifting the boxers once again on the raven's hips. After having done that he lifted Izaya completely and took him back to the bed and placing him down on it.

Shizuo gave the blankets to Izaya and the raven lifted them himself over his body. "Thank you Shizu-chan." Izaya said, but a smile didn't appear on his face. "Haru-kun, thank you too, for getting Shizu-chan to help me."

"Don't worry about it. Shizuo-san explained to me what happened to you." Haru said and Izaya could only nod at him.

"I'm going to get something to eat." Said Shizuo and when their eyes met Izaya nodded that it was fine, before the blonde left the room leaving the two of them alone.

"So, you're back here?" The boy started awkwardly.

"Yeah, they didn't really give me a choice." Izaya mumbled not really knowing what to say otherwise.

"I see, I'm still on the waiting list for a heart transplant, even though I have moved up to the second position." He said.

"That's great, you might not need to wait that long then." Izaya tried to sound cheerful but he knew he failed. He hadn't been able to hide his true feelings as good as he had been and his masks had been slipping and especially in front of Shizuo. "Are you still studying?"

"Yes! I have been doing my best, but I have a few questions, so can I ask them the next time?" The boy asked suddenly enthusiastic.

"Why don't you get them now?" Izaya offered and with a nod Haru left to get his books. Izaya laid his head back on his pillow and he closed his eyes for a moment. He could hear footsteps approaching him and when he opened his eyes he saw his doctor walking towards him.

"Orihara-san? Can we talk right now? I wanted to discuss the surgery." The doctor said.

"Sure, Haru-kun will be coming back with his books, but we can talk before that." Izaya said and focussed his eyes on the doctor.

"I want to do the surgery two days from now, since the tumor is clearly affecting your body now and the sooner we remove it the better. You must realize that we're planning on removing the tumor completely and that there is a risk of brain damage." Izaya listened to the doctor's words carefully.

"I know that there are risks, but what I really want to know is if my legs will be able to move again if I take this surgery." Izaya said, since that was the thing he thought most important now.

"It is the only possibility that your legs will work again, but I can't promise you that they will work again after the surgery. If the tumor has damaged the part that controls your legs too much, then you might remain like this for the rest of your life." The doctor was honest. Izaya knew that, but that didn't make the reality any less hard.

"I understand and further there is a possibility of my sight getting worse and such things right? I might even get trouble speaking and understanding if you damage a certain part right?" He had researched this, so he was ready with questions.

"That are worst case possibilities indeed, but the chance is very small, even though your sight might get a bit worse, so you might need glasses for the rest of your life." Izaya knew that the last part was a big possibility, but if that was the only thing he could definitely live with that.

"There's one more thing that I want to discuss with you doctor." Izaya started. This was something he had been thinking about for some time. "If I die from this surgery or won't be able to function normally after this surgery, then could you let me donate my heart to Mizuki Haru? I know he's waiting for a heart transplant and if I die, then you may give my heart to him, but only to him." Izaya said and he could see the surprised look on the doctor's face.

"If that's what you wish for, them that could certainly happen." Izaya knew this was the best thing to do if he were to die. "Your heart will be donated to Mizuki Haru if you were to die, I will make arrangements for it." Suddenly the sound of books falling came from the door to the room and the both of them turned around to look at the door.

"Izaya-san? What are you saying?" The boy asked.

"You should talk with him." Said his doctor before he stood up and left the room.

"Haru-kun, I have been thinking about this for quite some time." Izaya started, but got interrupted.

"You're not going to die!" The boy suddenly yelled and Izaya smiled sadly at him.

"I'm not planning to, but it is a possibility and if I die, then I'm more than happy to give you my heart." Izaya wanted the boy to know that he was willing to do this.

"Still you're going to live and I'm going to receive a heart so I can live too." The boy said stubbornly and then grabbed his book before heading over to Izaya. "When is the surgery?"

"In two days. We don't have much time, so let's get you started, since the next time might take some time." Izaya said and grabbed the book that Haru gave him. "What do you not understand?"

"Ah this." Haru said and pointed to something. Izaya had to squint his eyes to be able to read it. His sight really was getting worse, he hadn't even noticed it yet.

"Oh this." Izaya said before he started explaining and he helped with the rest and so they spent the rest of the afternoon till Shizuo came back.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Here is chapter 13. I honestly tried to make it a cliffhanger, but couldn't do it in the end, so enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Two days had gone by a lot faster than Izaya had hoped. He didn't really want to do the surgery, but he knew he needed it. It had been hard to ask for help every single time, since normally he would have been able to get it himself, but now that his legs weren't working there was no way he could do everything by himself.

Shizuo had been staying with him as much as possible, had even asked a few days off from Tom and the older man had agreed, saying that he needed a break anyway. Now the two of them were sitting in his room waiting till it was time for him to go into surgery.

"Shizuo?" Izaya started.

"Hm?"

"What would you do if I-" But he got interrupted.

"Don't even think like that!" The blonde yelled. "Don't even think that you might die! You won't die!" Izaya knew the blonde sounded desperate, trying to convince himself.

"It's a possibility Shizuo." Izaya smiled sadly at him. "It's not up to you to decide it."

"I know, but I don't want you to die." The blonde was looking him straight in the eyes.

"That's rare coming from you Shizuo."

"Stop calling me that! Why are you not using my nickname?" Oh, so now the blonde got angry over that?

"Normally you would tell me to stop calling you Shizu-chan and now that I'm doing it you want me to use your nickname?" The blonde was really confusing, he had always been like that.

"This is different, this is not like you." The voice of the blonde was soft, but Izaya stayed silent. He couldn't deny it, he had noticed it himself, but admitting to it was something he wasn't going to do.

They stayed in silence till the door opened and the doctor walked in. "It's time to get you ready for the surgery, Orihara-san." He told them.

Izaya could feel his heart starting to beat faster. He was nervous. Izaya just let them do what they needed to do and answered when he was asked a question.

Now ready for the surgery he looked at Shizuo for the last time. "It will be fine." The blonde said, but he couldn't know that, Izaya knew that. He knew that the blonde didn't feel like he was speaking the truth either, but still tried to reassure him.

"Thanks Shizu-chan." Was all he said before they wheeled him out towards the operation room, leaving Shizuo to wait in the waiting room.

xxx

Shizuo normally wouldn't have the patience to wait for hours on end, but only this time would he stay calm. That was if something didn't go wrong.

It had already been three hours since Izaya went into the operation room and he hadn't left his seat yet. He had gotten a bit stiff with waiting for this long, but he ignored it all. It would be worth it, he wouldn't believe that Izaya would die from this. There was no way he would allow himself to die. But what if his legs never started working again? Would Izaya really want to live with that?

Suddenly a lot of noise came from down the hall.

"There has been an accident!"

"What is the status?"

"Two people are dead and there are some injured." Shizuo stopped listening after this, this wasn't his concern. It was his concern that Izaya would survive this and would live through this without too much damage.

"Prepare for a heart transplant." This was what caught his attention. Izaya had told him yesterday, that if he died he would give his heart to Haru. This couldn't be right? It wasn't Izaya they were talking about right? There was no way that was true right? Izaya wouldn't lose his life because of this right?

This couldn't be true! Why was nobody coming to him to tell him it went wrong? He should know this right?

Shizuo would be left to sit there for another two hours.

xxx

A knock sounded at his door, which caught Haru's attention. Soon the door was opened and doctors came in together with some nurses. "What wrong?" Was all he could say.

"There has been found a donor heart, so you're going to have a heart transplant today." One of the doctors said.

What? What did they mean? Izaya-san had gone to surgery today, right? Had he died during surgery? "Whose heart is it?" He asked, but he knew he wouldn't get an answer.

"That's something we can't tell you." He wanted to ask them is Izaya had died, but he couldn't get the words out. He didn't really know if he wanted to know the truth, because if the man had really died that would mean that he wouldn't be here once he woke up from the surgery. He wouldn't be able to help him with studying.

"You know the procedure of the surgery?" Another doctor asked and he could only nod. He had been asked not to eat anything for today, in case he would get Izaya's heart, but that he was really getting a transplantation right now was something he wasn't really realizing yet.

"Are you ready to go." He wasn't ready, he really wasn't, but he knew he had no choice and that this was the best, but he couldn't help but feel this uneasy feeling.

"I'm ready." He confirmed in a small voice and received a nod from the doctor before he got wheeled out by two nurses, followed by the doctors. He hoped that Izaya was fine and that this was just a coincidence.

xxx

"Shizuo? Is there any news about Izaya?" Shizuo looked up to the person who had called out to him to see Shinra and Celty coming towards him.

"No news. He's still in there." Shizuo said and pointed to the operation room.

"For how long? Have you been sitting here all this time?" Shizuo didn't look at the doctor when he answered.

"Five hours and yes." He knew he must look bad, but Izaya was still in there, so he wasn't going to leave.

"I will get you something to drink." Shizuo heard before hurried footsteps left and a pda appeared in his face.

[What's wrong?] He really couldn't hide anything from Celty.

"I'm worried. They were talking about a heart transplant and Izaya has told me that he was planning on giving his heart to Haru if he died, so now I'm worried." Shizuo told the dullahan and he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

[He will be fine, he won't die this easily.] Shizuo wanted to believe her, he really did.

"I hope you are right." Was all he said before he focussed his gaze on the door once more.

Shinra came back a bit later with something to drink and Shizuo drank a bit, but he wasn't paying much attention to it.

It took another hour before a door opened and a doctor walked out. "How is he?" Was the first thing Shizuo asked while he walked over to the doctor ignoring the stiffness if his body.

"He made it through the surgery and we were able to remove the tumor. It's only a question of how much damage we did to his brain and if his legs will work again, but that's something we can only know once he wakes up." Shizuo felt relief wash over him and suddenly he felt tired, but he needed to see Izaya.

"Can I see him?"

"You can, he will be out for a while and when he wakes up he might be disoriented." Shizuo only gave a nod. "He's in his own room." That was all Shizuo needed to know before he left for the room. He really wanted to see the raven.

xxx

Shizuo felt nervous when he opened the door. He honestly didn't know what to expect, but when he saw the raven lying there in the bed with his bandaged head he looked so vulnerable.

Shizuo slowly made his way over and sat down on the chair, extending his hand so that he could lightly grab the raven's.

Izaya had been hooked up to quite a bit of machines, but they told the blonde that the raven was still alive.

Shizuo felt tired and before he even noticed it he had fallen asleep in the chair.

xxx

The first thing Izaya noticed when he woke up was that something was in his hand. He couldn't really place it, since his mind just didn't seem to catch on with what he felt. Slowly he opened his eyes, but squinted them shut when light infiltrated them and almost blinded him.

This time he blinked a few times before he opened his eyes completely. His sight was a bit hazy, but it was soon getting better. Everything started coming back and he remembered the surgery and what could have happened.

He turned his head to his hand and saw another hand grasping his own, following the hand he saw a mop of familiar blonde hair and he heard soft snoring coming from the person. Shizuo looked tired, he probably stayed awake through his whole surgery and he didn't even know how long it had taken.

He noticed the door opening and a doctor walked inside. The doctor seemed to be surprised to see him awake, but soon recovered himself. "I see you're awake." The doctor said and Izaya only gave a small nod, not really trusting his voice, since his throat felt dry.

The doctor seemed to notice this and grabbed a glass of water before helping the raven to drink it.

"You probably want to know how everything went right?" Izaya nodded once more. "The surgery has taken a bit more than six hours and we were able to remove the tumor successfully. You will still receive a bit of radiotherapy, to make sure that every tumor cell is gone, but that will be for only two weeks." Izaya knew this would be happening.

"What about my legs?" He decided to ask, he hadn't dared to try moving them, since he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to move them.

"We still need to see how much damage your brain has received, so we will be doing a few tests, are you up for it right now?" Izaya wanted to know if he would be able to walk and run again, so he gave a nod.

"I would like to do it right now." His voice was still weak, but it was already getting stronger.

"Alright, then first, let's see you moving your fingers." Izaya did as he was asked and slowly moved his fingers. With his left hand he clenched slightly on the blonde's and he could see the blonde stir when he did that.

"Izaya?" The blonde murmured sleepily.

"Yes, Shizu-chan?" Izaya answered and a small tired smile appeared on his face.

"You're awake." Shizuo said and then noticed the doctor in the room. "Do I need to leave?"

"No, you don't. I was only testing the movement of my fingers, which woke you up." Izaya said and then looked at the doctor. "What are we doing next?" Izaya could already guess what would come next, but he honestly dreaded it more than he thought he would.

"I want to see if there is feeling and possible movement in your legs." Izaya gulped when he heard the words spoken. He felt a squeeze in his hand and he turned to face the blonde, whom nodded.

"Alright, I just need to tell you if I feel anything and I need to try if I can move my toes right?" A nod from the doctor was all he got as a confirmation.

The doctor lifted the blanket off of his legs, revealing them. Then the doctor came down with his hand and gave a squeeze on his big toe. "Do you feel this?" Izaya felt a bit overwhelmed when he did indeed feel a bit, it wasn't much, but he definitely felt it. He gave a small nod and he could already feel tears appearing in his eyes.

"That's good, next try to move your toes." Izaya tried to do what he asked, but he couldn't get it done, somehow they wouldn't move however much he tried. He felt panic once again coming up and he squeezed Shizuo's hand in hope of support.

"You can't move them?" Izaya shook his head and now his tears were falling freely. "Don't worry, that can happen. It's good that you have some feeling in them, that means that with physiotherapy, it will be possible for you to move your legs once more. I just don't know how long it will take, it might even take a year or more." So he would be able to move his legs again? It could only take quite some time before he would be able to again?

"So you're saying I will be able to walk again, it just might take a long time?" He didn't like the idea of needing to wait before he could walk or run again, but it was at least something.

"That's right, I will make your appointments with the physiotherapist from tomorrow on, so that you can start as soon as possible. Now I want to do one last test for now, I want you to try and read this." The doctor handed him a paper and Izaya squinted his eyes when he found out that he couldn't read it. He tried holding it at an arm's length away and then he could finally start reading it.

"Seems you're farsighted." The doctor commented and Izaya looked at him. He knew this could happen, but he hadn't expected it to be this bad.

"So I will need glasses to be able to read stuff?" He questioned his eyes narrowing.

"That's right, I will also make an appointment for you with the optician then." Great another appointment. "That's all I wanted for now, please get some rest." With that the doctor left and left the two of them alone in the room.

"How are you feeling?" Shizuo suddenly asked and Izaya turned his head to look at him.

"Tired, I want to sleep some more." On one hand he wanted to stay awake for Shizuo, but on the other hand he felt tired.

"Then sleep, I will be here when you wake up." With those words, Izaya closed his eyes and soon fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Chapter 14 is here. Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

The next day Izaya was waiting in his room for the physiotherapist. He had sent Shizuo away, since he knew he couldn't keep asking the blonde to stay with him and that the blonde had to work too. That's why he had told the blonde to leave and that he would be fine on his own for the first time.

Izaya didn't know if that was the truth, but he had to at least try. He should be fine on his own, since he couldn't always rely on Shizuo.

Shizuo had told him about the fact that Haru had received a new heart yesterday when he was in surgery too and that the boy probably wouldn't be coming for a while. That explained why he wasn't here yet to look if he was fine.

Izaya himself wasn't able to go to the boy yet either, so he had sent Shizuo to tell the boy that the surgery had gone fine and that he hadn't received Izaya's heart, since he could see Haru getting the idea that it had been his heart, especially with the timing.

The door opened and Izaya looked up to see a woman walking in. He hadn't known if his physiotherapist would be a man or a woman, but here he had his answer. He just wondered if she would be able to support him physically through this, but that was something he probably shouldn't question. He wasn't that heavy really and he had lost a bit of weight, which he hadn't regained much of.

"Good morning, Orihara-san." The physiotherapist started and smiled at him. Izaya could almost immediately see that it wasn't a real smile, but just a business smile. "I will be your physiotherapist for the rest of your rehabilitation." Oh great, she already called it rehabilitation. He had known that this would come, but he just didn't like that word.

"Whatever you want to call it." Izaya really couldn't help but comment on it.

"I see that your boyfriend isn't here." Izaya got confused at that. He knew that she was only trying to make a conversation, but to talk about that was something he didn't expect, since he didn't have a boyfriend.

"What do you mean?" He asked her confused.

"The blonde guy, I heard from the nurses that he has been visiting you everyday since you were hospitalised again." Did she really think that he and Shizuo were a couple? Izaya couldn't help but laugh at that. He might have gotten closer to the blonde over the last few months, but that definitely didn't mean that they had a relationship.

"Not my boyfriend." Izaya denied it curtly.

"Ah sorry, I shouldn't have made assumptions." The woman was at least one to apologize.

"It's fine." Izaya said.

"Ah right, shall we start? I want to ask you some questions first and then we will see what we can do right now." The woman proposed and Izaya gave a curt nod.

"Sure, just start asking." The woman was probably going to ask routine questions. Izaya had had quite a bit of them already over the past few months and he knew he would be getting more of them in the months to come.

"These are just some questions I need to ask before we can start. I already know for how long your legs haven't been working, but I also need to know how it is with your balance. "Have you been having any balancing problems yet after the surgery. I know you had them before the surgery, but have you noticed anything different yet?" The woman was quite straightforward with her questions if he had to be honest.

"Nothing I have noticed yet, my body seems to be functioning normal, except for my legs." Izaya answered honestly.

"Alright, it's good that you haven't noticed anything wrong. I heard from your doctor that you have feeling in you feet and legs, which means that that is at least back. Now we need to try and get your legs working again with exercises. In the beginning it will be frustrating, because you won't be able to move your legs on your own yet, but once you start being able to move them, we will start with gaining the strength back in your legs. I can't say yet how long it will take, but in the next few weeks it should become clear how fast the rehabilitation goes." The woman explained quite a bit, but nothing was really new information for him, he had already done his research, so he had expected this.

"That's fine, what do you want me to do today?" He didn't even know if he had to do anything, since she might be the only one doing things.

"We will be trying to move your toes and feet for now. I know you aren't able to on your own, so I will be helping with that till you will finally be able to do it on your own and then we will move on to your knees and lastly to your whole leg. Afterwards we will be doing different exercises to let you regain the strength you lost. I can't promise yet that your legs will regain the full use, that's something that we need to find out while working together." The last bit of information was definitely not something he was happy with. He wanted to have the full use of his legs back, otherwise he probably wouldn't be able to run anymore and that was something that couldn't happen.

"So I might not get the full use of my legs back?" Izaya dreaded the answer, he really didn't want to hear it, but he wanted to know.

"Just like I said, I won't make any promises. We will have to see." He really wanted to be reassured that it would be fine, but the reality really was different.

"Are you ready to start? Or do you want to wait?" Izaya shook his head when those questions came.

"Let's start this." The woman nodded and then lifted blanket off of his legs and then put it aside completely. Izaya pushed the button to let the headend get higher, since he really wanted to see what the woman would be doing.

"I will start with moving your toes one by one and then we will go to your ankle." The woman did as she had said and grabbed his foot with one hand before she started moving his toes. It was really weird to see the woman doing it, but somehow it did feel great too. Since he had feeling, he could feel her moving them and it somehow felt a bit more natural than when they wouldn't listen to him when he tried to move them.

"Are you alright?" Izaya looked at the woman and gave a small nod.

"I'm fine, just continue." He wouldn't be telling her that it actually felt really good to have the feeling back after having it lost before the surgery.

"I will now be moving your whole foot, you need to tell me if anything feels weird." The woman told him and then grabbed his foot with one hand and his leg with the other and then started moving his foot around. He had to say that it did feel a bit weirder than his toes, but this was still fine.

After a while the woman was finished and then looked at him. "Now could you try to move them yourself?" Izaya tried it, but they still wouldn't move. He knew it was just the first day, but he had hoped to at least be able to do anything.

"Seems like I can't." Izaya said a bit sullen.

"That's fine, it might take a while." The woman told him with a small smile, but it didn't help at all at how he felt.

"We will leave it at this right now and I will be back tomorrow at the same time. You also have an appointment with the optician today right? You still have a few hours before you need to be there, so take your time to rest. You have been in surgery yesterday after all." Izaya just nodded and watched her walk away before closing his eyes. He had really wanted to be able to move them, but it seemed like it would take a bit longer. He honestly didn't want to sleep, but he felt tired, so before he could even try to stay awake he could feel himself falling asleep.

xxx

Opening his eyes, Izaya looked to the side once he noticed a presence. He saw Shizuo sitting there. He wondered how long the blonde had been there already.

"How long have you been here?" Izaya saw Shizuo jump when he asked the question, but the blonde quickly looked towards him.

"Not long, Tom told me to take the afternoon off and to go see you." The blonde explained why he was there.

"He really shouldn't be giving you so many time off." Izaya said.

"He knows your situation and I said I would be here for you. How did it go with the physiotherapist?" That was the question he had hoped to avoid, but it didn't seem like he would be able to.

"No improvement, but she said it might take a while." Izaya answered and then turned his face away. He didn't want the blonde to see the sadness in his eyes.

"What's wrong Izaya?" Why was the blonde so good in catching his mood lately?

"She said she couldn't make any promises about me getting the full use of my legs back." Izaya mumbled and didn't dare to look at the blonde.

"She didn't say that it wasn't a possibility right? It means that it is also possible that you will get the full use back. It's just a matter of time." Shizuo was trying to cheer him up, he knew that, but he had honestly felt discouraged when the woman had told him that she couldn't make any promises.

"I don't know Shizu-chan. I had hoped that she could reassure me, but she clearly couldn't."

"Then you just need to try your hardest right? That way you can have it in your own hands." Shizuo tried.

"I know, it's just quite hard."

"I will be there to support you. I will be here in every session if you want me to." Izaya wanted him to stay, but he knew it wouldn't be something he could ask of the blonde.

"I honestly want to ask you to stay, but I can't. You have work to do."

"I can always ask Tom to start later, then there's no problem. I will just work the rest of the day. You shouldn't have a problem with that."

"Fine." Was all Izaya said and he could see a smile appearing on the blonde's face.

"You needed to go to the optician right? Is there someone coming to get you? I see that they already placed a wheelchair in your room." Shizuo commented.

"Yeah, they did this morning and a nurse would come to take me there, but you can come with me." Izaya told the blonde and just as he said that his door opened once more and a nurse walked inside.

"Are you ready to go Orihara-san?" The woman asked him and Izaya gave her a small nod.

"Shizu-chan will help me, so can you show us the way?" He knew the woman would probably try to help him in the wheelchair, but he knew that Shizu-chan would be a better choice.

"Ah sure, do you want a blanket for over your legs, it's pretty cold. You can also wear your jacket if you want to." That was indeed something he would like.

"Shizu-chan can you grab my jacket? And sure, I would like a blanket." Izaya answered and waited for Shizuo to hand him his jacket before he wore it and then turned his head to the blonde. "Can you help me?"

A small nod was all he received before the blonde put the blankets aside and then lifted him off the bed before placing him in the wheelchair carefully. The nurse came with the blanket and draped it over his legs, while Shizuo grabbed the handles of the wheelchair.

"Please lead us to the optician." Izaya said and the nurse nodded before showing them the way to where the optician would be.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** Chapter 15! Please enjoy reading it and review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Two weeks had gone by and Izaya had made a bit of progress with the physiotherapy, but it was still going too slow for him. Izaya knew it would take time before he would be able to walk again, but he wanted it to be as soon as possible.

Izaya was able to move his toes on his own now and his feet slowly, but he knew that movement wasn't the only thing he needed for walking. He would need to get the strength back too and that might take a long time.

He hadn't visited Haru yet, since he would need to ask someone for help to bring him there, since getting into the wheelchair himself was still tricky and he didn't want to risk falling on his way there and not being able to get into the wheelchair again. He knew he could always ask Shizuo, but he had made sure that the blonde would go to work after every physiotherapy session.

The door opened and Izaya looked to see Shizuo walking in. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the blonde. It really was lonely when the blonde wasn't there. He still didn't understand how they had ended up like this, since they had been enemies before, but he honestly didn't know what they were right now.

"Shizu-chan!" He said a bit happy and the blonde smiled at him.

"Seems like you're in a good mood." The blonde said and then walked over to the raven. "Those glasses look good on you." Oh right, he had forgotten that they had brought him his glasses yesterday.

"They arrived yesterday after you left." Izaya said before taking them off and handing them to the blonde to look at. "Don't break them." But he knew he wouldn't need to worry with the blonde right now.

"They really suit you." Shizuo said before placing the glasses back on the raven's face.

"I'm still getting used to them. You would think that you can just use them, but you need time to adjust." Izaya said.

"I got a free day today." The blonde started. "Do you want to do something today? I can take you somewhere with the wheelchair if you would like." This was his opportunity to see Haru.

"Let's go see Haru-kun after the physiotherapist." Izaya said and the blonde nodded as confirmation.

The door opened and the both of them looked up to see the physiotherapist walking in. "I see that Heiwajima-san is here again, Orihara-san?" The woman had once again a business smile on her face.

"There is no problem with that right?" Izaya asked while narrowing his eyes.

"Just that he's acting like a boyfriend." She really never shut up about that, now did she? He didn't know what his current relationship with the blonde was, but he knew at least that they hadn't declared yet that they were boyfriends or something like that.

"We aren't in that kind of relationship." Izaya turned his head to look at Shizuo when he said that. He couldn't help but feel a small pain in his heart. Did the blonde really have to deny it that much?

"Ah right, shall we get started, then I will leave you alone." The woman tried to get the mood back, but it was clear that she was failing.

"Fine, let's get this over with." Izaya said curtly.

The woman nodded and then took the blankets away. "Today I want to start with the movement of your knees too, since you're already able to move your feet a bit on your own." Finally she was getting a step ahead, they had only been focussing on his feet for the last two weeks and he had already been wondering when they were moving to the next step.

"Finally." Was all he said then and Shizuo couldn't help but smile at the raven's reaction.

"Alright, let's first start with you moving your toes and feet and then we will move to your knees." The woman said and so they started.

xxx

Izaya felt a bit tired after the physiotherapist left, but he had planned to go see Haru, so there was no way he was going to fall asleep now. "Shizu-chan, let's go and see Haru, he must have missed me over the past two weeks." The raven said, which made Shizuo look at him.

"Do you really think the kid missed you?" Shizuo smiled when he said that.

"There's only one way to find out right?" Izaya said and stretched his arms towards Shizuo. "Help me into the wheelchair." Had it been his old self, he would have never asked the blonde for help, but he knew that there would be no other way, but to ask for help.

"Do you want your jacket first? And I will get a blanket for your legs, it's still cold." Shizuo said and gave the jacket into the outstretched arms. Izaya pouted a bit.

"I wanted you to carry me, but I guess I can first put on my jacket." Izaya said and then put on his jacket. It was his trademark jacket, so he knew that people might be able to recognize him more easily, but that didn't matter to him anymore. He was recovering and soon enough he would be walking and running around again. At least that was what he was planning.

Shizuo had grabbed a blanket and when Izaya stretched his arms out once more he got picked up by the blonde and put on the wheelchair, before a blanket was draped over his legs. "Shizu-chan, do you still remember which room?" He had sent Shizuo there once, but that didn't mean that the blonde had remembered it.

"Room 305 right?" Shizuo mumbled and started pushing the raven out the door.

"That's right, you go to the elevator and up one floor and then we go to the room." Izaya confirmed and pointed to where the elevator was. He suspected that the blonde had taken the stairs the last time, but there was no way they could use it this time, so they would need to take the elevator.

Shizuo started pushing him towards the elevator, while Izaya looked around at the people who were looking at them. He saw some surprised faces, which were probably the people who had recognized him, since it wasn't that hard to recognize Shizuo, but for him it was different now. The jacket helped a bit, but he was wearing glasses now and his hair was gone, but he covered it up with a hat. His hair would start growing back now, since the radiotherapy was done, but it would take time and he wasn't going to go around in public without wearing the hat as long as he didn't have any hair.

Izaya got taken out of his thoughts by the sound of the elevator door opening and got pushed inside by Shizuo and turned around, so that he would be facing the door.

"Did you see them staring at us, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked while looking to his side where the blonde was standing.

"I did, they probably never thought to see us together in a hospital." Shizuo said and smiled at the raven.

"We might give them the scare of their lives." Izaya couldn't help but smirk at that idea. "That might not be such a bad idea."

"Don't do that Izaya, just leave them alone." Even though Shizuo said that he couldn't help but smile.

"Fine, but then you need to entertain me." Izaya said and he saw Shizuo open his mouth to complain, but the door of the elevator opened, indicating that they had arrived on the right floor. "Let's get to Haru." Izaya said and Shizuo grabbed the handles, before pushing him out of the elevator. Izaya was still surprised about how careful the blonde could be with his strength, but Shizuo had showed him that he could indeed control it.

It didn't take long before they were at the door to the room and Shizuo knocked on the door. "Come in." Was all that was heard and then Shizuo slid open the door before wheeling Izaya inside.

"Haru-kun, I've come to see you." Izaya said and saw the boy look at him while Shizuo pushed him inside.

"Izaya-san, I was already wondering when you would come to visit me." The boy said and Izaya frowned a bit at that.

"I thought that you would come to visit me first, since I first had to ask someone to help me here." Izaya said while pointing at Shizuo.

"Ah Shizuo-san, thank you for bringing Izaya-san here." Haru said with a small smile, while Shizuo sat down in the chair, while Izaya kept sitting in the wheelchair.

"How did your surgery go?" Izaya asked the boy.

"I could ask you the same, but no complications here and if everything is going alright I will be able to leave here soon and I will be able to start high school after spring break." Izaya was glad for the boy.

"That's great, have you been doing any work yet? And do you have questions." Izaya was trying to avoid the subject of how he was doing after the surgery, since he would need to stay here for quite some time, since he wasn't even able to walk yet.

"I have been doing it since about a week, but I have only one question." The boy said and grabbed the book before handing it to Izaya. "Can you help me with this?" Haru said and then pointed to something. Izaya pushed his glasses up his nose for a bit before reading through it and then explaining it to Haru.

"Ah, that's pretty easy to understand." Haru said and then took the book back with a smile. "Those glasses look good on you." Izaya looked surprised that the boy would mention them.

"My sight has gotten worse after the surgery, so I need them now to be able to see things close to me." Izaya said, but didn't smile.

"I'm going to apply to Raira academy." Haru suddenly said and Izaya looked to Shizuo for a moment.

"We went there too and my younger sisters will be attending there too starting this spring." Wait, that meant that they would be in the same year, he had never thought about that. "If you want to meet someone your age I can call them, but I honestly wouldn't recommend them." Izaya said and saw Shizuo shake his head beside him.

"They are definitely not the most normal girls." He agreed.

"Are they really that bad? I'm able to be around you Izaya-san." That might be true, but it might be better if he just found out for himself.

"Do you want to meet them?" Izaya asked as a confirmation and the boy nodded. "Fine, but then they need to find out why I'm in the hospital." Izaya mumbled to himself.

Shizuo clearly heard him, because the blonde grabbed his hand in his own. "It will be fine. Just give them a call, they probably won't even be able to come today and I can take a day off for when they come." Shizuo said and Izaya nodded slowly, grabbing his phone from the pocket of his jacket and calling Mairu.

"Iza-nii? What rare for you to call." He almost immediately heard the voice of his younger sister.

"It's not for me, there's someone I want you to meet." Izaya started and there fell a small silence on the other end.

"It's not Yuhei, is it?" He should have known.

"No, it isn't. Someone in the hospital who is going to attend high school with you guys after spring, but he has been in the hospital for a long time, so he doesn't really know anyone his age." Izaya explained and waited for the answer.

"Fine, we have time tomorrow, is that fine?" Izaya felt relief flooding him, he really didn't want to try and explain more to her.

"That's fine, it's the hospital in Ikebukuro and room 305." Seemed like she wasn't going to ask what he was doing there.

"We will be there, but Iza-nii?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing in a hospital?"

"Just visiting?" Izaya began to dread the next thing the girl would say.

"You never go to the hospital to pay a visit, so what's up?" Great, she really knew him too well.

"We will talk about this tomorrow, alright?"

"Fine, but don't think you will be able to escape this."

"I know, bye." Was all Izaya said before hanging up. "Seems like they know something is up with me." Izaya sighed and then looked at Haru.

"Is this because of me?" Izaya shook his head.

"No, this is not because of you. They will be coming tomorrow, so I hope you're ready to meet them." Izaya said with a smile, trying to hide how he really felt.

They talked a bit more, before Izaya felt too tired and that's when Shizuo brought him back to his room. Izaya hoped that everything would be going fine tomorrow, but he honestly doubted it.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Chapter 16 is here. Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

The physiotherapist had left way too quickly if you asked him, but Izaya knew that wasn't true. Her having left meant that he was closer to the time when his sisters would come and he honestly didn't want to meet his sisters while he was like this.

They would probably make fun of him or accuse him of not telling them sooner. Why had he even agreed to let them come here? He should have never called yesterday, he shouldn't have even started about the fact that he had two younger sisters. This wouldn't have happened if he had just kept his mouth shut.

How was he even going to explain this? He hadn't told them anything about what happened over the past months and now he was suddenly going to have to explain all that? They would definitely try to use it against him, he just knew.

"Izaya?" But he didn't listen, he was too far away in his thoughts. They had never cared about him, so why would they care now? They were ready to give him to Shizuo just so that they could meet Yuhei. They would easily give him up as long as it meant they could meet Yuhei, so why would they care if he told them he had had brain cancer? It was even gone, which meant that they didn't even need to worry and they would probably think that way too.

"Izaya!" This time he got shaken too and when he focused back he got a bit of a blurry image, but he recognized the blonde locks as those of Shizuo. He squinted his eyes a bit, trying to sharpen the image and realized that he wasn't wearing his glasses. "Izaya! Why are you not responding?" The blonde sounded a little desperate and Izaya blinked a few times, realizing he still hadn't said anything.

"I was lost in thought, Shizu-chan." He mumbled and then fumbled around with his hands trying to find the glasses. He must have dropped them somewhere.

"Here," Shizuo said and handed him the glasses. "You took them off remember?" Izaya blinked at that a bit surprised. Had he really taken them off without himself realizing it?

"Thanks." Izaya said and put the glasses on.

"What were you thinking about?" Shizuo suddenly asked and Izaya turned to face him.

"My sisters. I don't know if this is a good idea." He mumbled as an answer.

"Don't worry, it will be fine." Shizuo tried, but Izaya didn't believe him.

"How can you know that? They have never cared, so why should they care now?" This time he almost yelled the words at the blonde. He was frustrated and that was still an understatement. "How do you expect they will react when they find out I can't use my legs? They will probably laugh at me, there's no way they would show sympathy for me!" He was yelling by now. "They won't care, they will just laugh." He continued, but then started sobbing. Tears started streaming down his face. "Nobody… Nobody ever… cared." He said through sobs.

"That's not true, I care and so do Celty and Shinra." Shizuo tried, but Izaya shook his head.

"That's not… true." He didn't want to believe it, there was no way anyone cared. "Everyone is just doing it out of pity." Izaya mumbled, but still burried his face in the blonde's shoulder.

"Izaya, look at me." Shizuo said while he slowly lifted the raven's face by his chin. "I care, I really do and it's not out of pity." Izaya could see a blush appearing on the blonde's face. "It's because… of something else…" Izaya's eyes widened when he realized what the blonde meant.

Izaya felt his heart beating faster while he looked up to the blonde. Did the blonde really mean what he said? As if to confirm it, the blonde lowered his head and soon Izaya could feel the blonde's lips on his own. At first he was shocked, not really knowing how to react, but soon he closed his eyes and kissed the blonde back softly.

Izaya didn't want to break the kiss yet, but the blonde broke it before he could voice his complaints. "Do you understand?" Izaya could only nod, still a bit dazed from the kiss. He didn't dare asking what this meant for their relationship, afraid of what the answer might be.

An awkward silence fell between them and Izaya didn't look at the blonde. He wanted to confirm what just happened, but he didn't dare ask.

"Don't worry about your sisters." Was the first thing the blonde said to break the silence. "I will be there, so it will be fine." Izaya wanted to believe him, but he still had his doubts. He knew how his sisters could be and he couldn't really see them caring about him.

"I don't know, Shizu-chan." Izaya answered honestly and looked at the blonde. "I hope you're right, but it's hard to believe." Izaya said and then his phone started ringing.

Grabbing the phone he saw that it was Mairu who was calling. "Hello?" Izaya started when he picked up the call.

"Iza-nii, we're here and are on our way to room 305, so make sure to come too." Izaya sighed, knowing he had no choice now.

"I will be there in a bit, just go to the room and tell him who you are and he will understand." Izaya said and then hung up before they could say anything more.

"Seems like I have no choice." Izaya said and looked at Shizuo a bit nervous. "Never thought I would be nervous to see my sisters." Izaya mumbled and looked up when Shizuo held his jacket out for him.

"Here, wear this and then we can go." Izaya nodded and grabbed his jacket before putting it on slowly. Once he was done Shizuo had already gotten a blanket and the wheelchair was closer to the bed now. "Do you want to try yourself or should I lift you into it?"

The physiotherapist had told him this morning to try and get into the wheelchair himself if he felt up to it, so it was no wonder that Shizuo was asking it now.

"Sure, just make sure to catch me if I fall." He knew he needed to train his arms to be able to carry his weight, since it would be needed to start walking again and this was something to start with.

Izaya pushed the button to lower the bed just above the wheelchair, so that it would be easy to get from one to the other. He pulled the blankets aside and then first grabbed his left leg and helped it over the edge, before grabbing his right leg and helping that one over the edge too. Now there was the next thing that would be harder. He checked if the wheelchair had the brakes on and then he put his hands on the sides of the wheelchair, before slowly pushing himself up with as much strength as he could muster, but clearly it wasn't enough, since as soon as he had lifted himself his arms started shaking, but before they could give out he felt two strong arms wrap around him and placing him in the wheelchair.

"You did well coming that far yourself." He heard Shizuo say, but he felt like he had just failed. He had wanted his arms to be able to carry him, but clearly they weren't strong enough yet.

"I had hoped my arms could carry me." Izaya mumbled and looked at his lap, where the blonde placed the blanket he had gotten.

"You will get stronger, it just takes time." Shizuo said and lifted the raven's face, so Izaya was looking at him. "We will be doing this together alright?" A small nod came from Izaya. "Good. Now let's get this sister-thing over with." Izaya couldn't help but smile at the comment and let Shizuo take him out of his room.

xxx

Once they arrived at the room, the door was open and loud voices could be heard coming from inside. Clearly his sisters were already there. He felt Shizuo pause for a moment and he looked up to see the blonde looking at him as if to ask if he was ready. A small nod and the blonde pushed him inside the room.

Inside the room, they could see Haru sitting on the bed, with the twins around him and showing him all kinds of things about Hanejima Yuhei.

Izaya should have known that they would take those things with them to show the boy. "Are you enjoying this Haru-kun?" Izaya decided to ask with a smirk and he could see the boy looking at him as if asking for help.

His sisters had stopped talking as soon as they heard his voice and they were now both looking at him and then at the person who had come in with him.

"Iza-nii? What is Shizuo-san doing with you?" Mairu was the first to say something.

"He just helped me get here." Izaya gave as an answer. His sisters stayed silence and were now looking at him again. He felt a bit uncomfortable with them looking at him like that. He knew that it would only be a matter of time before they would start asking questions about why he needed the help from Shizuo and of course questions about why he was here and what was wrong.

"Iza-nii? ...Wrong?"(Iza-nii? What's wrong?) Kururi had been the first one to dare ask a question and Izaya was opening his mouth to answer when Mairu started asking questions too.

"Iza-nii? Why are you here? What happened? Did Shizuo-san do something? Are you going to die?" The last one hurt. She kept saying it in her enthusiastic voice of asking questions and that meant that the last one was said in the same tone too.

"I'm not dying any longer." Was the only answer he dared to give.

"What do you mean?" But he didn't answer, just ignored her look at her. "Iza-nii? Tell us! We want to know!" She sounded more desperate.

"And what are you going to do when you know? Just laugh at my face? As if you would even care!" He couldn't help but yell at them. Izaya grabbed the wheels himself this time and tried to turn around, but failed, since the blanket fell off his lap and caught on one of the wheels. Frustrated he tried to grab the blanket, only to lose his balance and fall out of the chair before Shizuo could catch him on time. The blonde hadn't been expecting him to act like this, so he had been stiffened for a moment and had been too late to react.

Izaya hit the floor in frustration with his fist. Why was this happening to him? Izaya felt helpless when he said there on the floor, knowing he wouldn't be able to get up without help, but there was no way he was going to ask for it.

Suddenly he felt small hands grabbing his arms and trying to lift him, but they didn't succeed until two strong arms grabbed him from behind and then lifted him back into the chair. Now that he was back sitting in the wheelchair he could see that the two who had been trying to help him were Mairu and Kururi.

"Iza-nii…" He heard Kururi say first.

"Iza-nii, you don't need to tell us if you don't want to, but we want to know, we are your sisters after all." Mairu tried and Izaya took a deep breath, maybe it was fine to tell them.

"It's fine." He mumbled. "Thanks for trying to help me." He could see the surprised look on their faces. This must have been the first time he had thanked them.

"Iza-nii thanked us?" He could hear Mairu in a way too happy voice, but when he glared at her she shut her mouth.

"I will tell you, but don't you dare laugh or anything like that." He growled for a bit and when both girls nodded he had to take a deep breath before starting. "In september of last year, I was diagnosed with brain cancer, since then I have been receiving treatment and have had two surgeries." He started. "The tumor has been completely removed and the treatment has stopped too, I'm rehabilitating as they would like to call it." He said and then knew that they wanted to know what happened to his legs too. "Just before my second surgery my legs stopped working and now I'm working with a physiotherapist to get to work again, but up to now I haven't made much progress yet and she told me that it would take months before I would be able to even walk again." Izaya kept quiet after this, Shizuo could tell them why he was helping him, there was no way he was going to tell that.

"Iza-nii, why didn't you tell us?" Mairu started and he could see Kururi nodding.

"I didn't want you to pity me or act nice out of pity." He said and looked at his lap, not really wanting to face the two.

Suddenly he felt two pairs of arms wrap around him and he looked up surprised. "We would never pity you, Izay-nii." Mairu was the one saying it all, but he knew Kururi meant the same.

The both of them stopped hugging him after a while and then looked to Shizuo. "Why are you helping Iza-nii." Izaya was happy that the question was asked to Shizuo.

"Ah… How should I say this…" Shizuo was clearly fumbling with his words and Izaya knew he must be blushing. "I kind of have feelings for him." This was said a lot softer, but the two still heard it.

"You mean the two of you are dating?" Oh great, now they thought that.

"We haven't decided on that yet, Mairu." He said stopping the girl from asking more questions. "Haru-kun, sorry for all the commotion." Izaya told the boy, but he shook his head.

"It's fine, your sisters are quite special." Izaya knew he didn't mean it in a good way, but he couldn't help but smirk at him.

"If you ever want to date one of them I wish you luck." He could see the boy get flustered and his smirk only grew. "You have my permission, since I know you're a good guy."

"Iza-nii! Don't try to couple us with someone already!" Mairu suddenly yelled.

"Why not? He's a good boy and smart too." The last thing was true and he knew that Haru would be able to handle the twins. "Shizu-chan, let's leave the three of them alone, they might want to be left alone." Izaya was still smirking and Shizuo started smirking too. Shizuo gave him the blanket and Izaya put it on his lap, before the blonde grabbed the handles and started wheeling him out.

"Have fun you three!" With that they left the three teenagers in the room.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Here is chapter 17. Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

It had been two months since he had his surgery, which meant his sisters knew about everything for about a month and a half now. Weirdly enough Haru was getting along with his sisters and he had even left the hospital, since he was well enough, leaving Izaya in the hospital.

Haru was still coming to visit him, but most of the time together with his sisters. How they were ever getting along was a miracle to him, but he somewhere he was glad that it had gone right.

Shizuo had been the only one who had been visiting him daily and the blonde was still there during his physiotherapy sessions. His relationship with Shizuo was still unsure, they hadn't really talked about it, but they kissed almost everyday now and it felt normal for the raven now.

Izaya had made a bit of progress with his physiotherapy, but he still had a long way to go if he had to believe his physiotherapist. He was already able to move his legs, although a bit slow, but he was able to. The only thing he hadn't tried yet was walking and he knew that it would happen soon, since they would need to start with him trying to walk again if he ever wanted to be able to again.

"Izaya?" Izaya got taken out of his thoughts by the blonde beside him. "Today you're going to try walking for the first time right?" Izaya could see the concerned look in the blonde's eyes.

"Yeah, even though it will only be trying and I will probably have to keep myself up with my arms." Izaya said. He knew this would last as long as his arms would last and he doubted that it would be long. He was able to get into the wheelchair by himself now, but it still took a lot of effort. He hoped that his arms would be strong enough to carry him, so that he could try to walk again.

Izaya looked up when he heard someone coming into his room, whom was his physiotherapist. "Are you ready? Let's see if you can walk for a bit." The woman said and Izaya only nodded. "You will need your strength, so if Heiwajima-san can help you into the wheelchair, we will be on our way to the rehabilitation room."

Izaya got lifted by Shizuo and placed in the wheelchair. A blanket got put on his legs, since it was still pretty cold for being march. Soon it would be spring and then the school would start and then Haru would finally be able to go to a school, while he was still stuck here and he would probably be for quite some time.

Izaya got shaken out of his thoughts when he felt the wheelchair move and he got pushed out the door towards the rehabilitation room.

xxx

It didn't take long before they had arrived in the room and Izaya could see supporting bars in the middle of the room, which he knew he would need to hold himself up with, while trying to walk. There were also some strength building machines, but he didn't know if the woman wanted him to work with that.

"For now I would like you to try walking with the supporting bars and maybe we can do some strength building in your legs, depending on how tired you are. Please place the wheelchair in front of the bars." Instructed the woman and Shizuo did as he was asked, putting Izaya in front of the bars.

"I would like to try and get up yourself, by placing your feet on the ground and gripping the bars with your hands before lifting yourself up, alright?" The woman asked.

"I will try." Izaya said and slowly shifted his feet to the ground, before grabbing a bar with each hand. He took a deep breath and tried to gather some strength into his body, so that he could lift himself up, but when he didn't even get halfway with the strength he could muster and with a frustrated groan he let himself back into the chair.

"Seems like that is too much for now, Heiwajima-san, could you please help him to stand up?" Before Izaya could even protest that he would be able to do it on his own, he felt two strong hands under his arms and he got lifted into a standing position. Izaya put strength in his arms and he tried to keep himself up, even though Shizuo was still helping him, but the blonde was slowly letting go and Izaya could already feel his legs start shaking, they clearly had no strength to carry him yet.

It was quite a strain he put on his arms and he felt his whole body shaking with the effort it took to stay upright.

"Do you think you can take a step?" Izaya wanted to shake his head that he wouldn't be able to do it, but he would be getting nowhere if he gave up now, so instead he gave a nod and tried to lift his foot slowly. Lifting was something that didn't work, so instead he slid it across the floor a bit, trying to adjust with his arms, but this made them shake more.

"Orihara-san are you alright?" He ignored her and tried to move his other foot too, but this proved to be a mistake. His arms couldn't keep him up this time and one of his hands slipped making him crumble to the ground.

"Izaya!" He could hear Shizuo call, but he just stared at the ground. He couldn't even take two steps! How was he ever going to walk again like this? He had hoped he would have been able to do more, but it seems like he was wrong. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't not in front of the physiotherapist, maybe later when he was alone with Shizuo.

"Orihara-san?" Now the woman tried approaching him. "Are you alright? You didn't get hurt?" Izaya shook his head, which made it only confusing for the woman. "Are you hurt or not?" Did she really need to clarify it?

"Not hurt." Was all he answered. He wasn't hurt physically, but mentally might be a different question. His pride got hurt over and over when he got to see how weak he really was currently. He hated being this weak and he wanted to just be able to walk again, so why was it so hard? Suddenly he felt tears streaming down his face and he couldn't hold them in any longer. Damn tears, why wouldn't they stop?

Izaya could hear footsteps approaching, but he didn't look up, just let his tears fall quietly. He saw someone kneeling in front of him and noticed that it had to be Shizuo.

"Izaya? Look at me." The blonde said softly while lifting his head at the chin. "You will be able to do this and I will be there to help you, so you can't give up." Izaya tried to stop his tears while looking at the blonde, but didn't really succeed yet. He felt Shizuo thumps trying to wipe away the tears, but it took awhile before Izaya could stop crying.

"I want to try again." He said softly and only Shizuo could hear him.

"Sure, shall I help you up again?" A nod was all that was necessary before Shizuo stood up and lifted Izaya with him. Waiting till the raven had a good grip before he let go.

"Do you want to try again?" The physiotherapist had kept quiet all this time, but now she suddenly needed to butt in again. Izaya nodded and a small smile appeared on the woman's face as if she was trying to encourage him. Obviously it was fake, but he ignored it. He tried to take one step, which he succeeded in, but once again at the second step he fell down, only to be caught by Shizuo this time, since the blonde had stayed close.

They kept at it, until Izaya felt too tired to try again, but he hadn't been able to make much progress yet.

xxx

Now back in his room, being left alone, he grabbed his laptop. He hadn't been in the chatroom for quite some time and he wanted to know if there were any rumors going around about him, which probably were.

Izaya put on his glasses and opened his laptop, turning it on before opening the chatroom.

xxx

 **-Kanra entered the chatroom-**

 **Kanra:** Good morning~ Is anyone here?

 **Setton:** Good morning

 **Saika:** Good morning, Kanra-san.

 **Bakyura:** There goes go the quiet times

 **Tanaka Taro:** Good morning

 **Kanra:** Everyone is so nice~ Except for Bakyura

 **Bakyura:** Where have you been anyway? It has been like five months

 **Setton:** Kanra must have her own reasons

 **Kanra:** I've just been away for a while, did anything happen?

 **Tanaka Taro:** It has been quiet for a while now. Seems like Heiwajima Shizuo has calmed down and Orihara Izaya has disappeared.

 **Saika:** It has indeed been quiet.

 **Bakyura:** Now that you mention it, I heard rumors about people seeing Orihara Izaya together with Heiwajima Shizuo in a hospital.

 **Saika:** Really?

 **Tanaka Taro:** Together? In a hospital? Not really believable.

 **Setton:** There's no way that can be true right?

 **Kanra:** Those two being seen together without fighting is really not possible.

 **Bakyura:** Is that really true? I mean, who knows what they have been doing for the past months?

 **Kanra:** That's none of your business.

 **Bakyura:** Getting defending now, aren't we Kanra?

 **Kanra:** Shut up!

 **Saika:** Please don't fight!

 **Setton:** Kanra, it's fine, calm down.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Bakyura, what you're saying is too unbelievable.

 **Bakyura:** Is it really? I wonder if I can find Orihara Izaya in the hospital if I ask for his room.

Izaya knew that Kida was taunting him, but there was no way he wanted that boy here while he couldn't even walk yet.

 **Kanra:** As if he would let you find him, even if he was in the hospital.

 **Bakyura:** So you're admitting it? Which room is it Kanra-chan~

Izaya wanted to throw his laptop away, but he knew it wasn't worth it.

 **Setton:** Bakyura! Don't ask such questions!

 **Bakyura:** Seems like you know something Setton-san.

 **Setton:** I don't know anything!

 **Kanra:** It's fine Setton, but there's still no way I'm giving you the room number.

 **Tanaka Taro:** So it's true? Why don't you want us to visit?

 **Saika:** I need to go, bye.

 **-Saika left the chatroom-**

 **Bakyura:** We can come and keep you company.

 **Kanra:** I don't need it! Especially not from you guys!

 **Tanaka Taro:** Why are you in the hospital then, Kanra-san?

 **Kanra:** You don't need to know! The doctor is coming now, so I need to go.

 **-Kanra left the chatroom-**

xxx

Izaya shut his computer down and put it to the side rubbing his temples with his fingers. This had only given him a headache and he knew he could expect a visit from those two soon, if not today.

A groan escaped his lips, why was this happening? He didn't want them to see him this weak, couldn't they wait till he was able to walk again?

xxx

Just like he had expected, when school was over the two boys had come over to the hospital, taking Anri with them, even though she had said that it didn't interest her.

"Izaya-san~ We've come to visit you~" Masaomi's voice was really too loud sometimes.

"Shut your mouth, I have a headache." He growled at the three of them.

"Don't be so mean Izaya-san, we've come here to visit you after all." Masaomi really couldn't shut up.

"Are you wearing glasses?" He heard Mikado ask and he turned to look at the boy.

"Yeah, my sight got worse." He was not going to tell the reason why it had happened.

"Why are you in the hospital?" Mikado asked and Izaya glared at him for asking that question.

"Didn't I tell you I wouldn't tell you about that?" Izaya was clearly getting annoyed with the three teens. "And if you came to visit someone in the hospital, how come you don't have any present for me?" Izaya smirked a bit when he saw Anri looking at the floor and Mikado avoiding his gaze, while Masaomi kept looking around.

Before he could hear an answer, the door opened and a nurse walked in. She looked surprised at the three guests and then questioningly at Izaya. "They are uninvited guests." He explained and the woman nodded, while walking over.

"I'm here to check how you're doing." The woman said.

"Sure, can you help me put these three outside after this?" Izaya gave her a small smile, but it was clearly not a nice smile.

"Izaya-san, there's no way we're going to let a nurse put us out of your room!" Masaomi said, but he stopped his rant when the door opened once more behind them and Izaya's smile only grew, seeing Shizuo walking in.

"Shizu-chan, can you remove these uninvited guests out of the room?" Izaya could see the three of them stiffen and turn around to face Shizuo.

"Ah, Shizuo-san, we were just about to leave." Mikado started.

"Goodbye." Was all Anri said before she and Mikado walked out of the room.

"There's no way you can scare me with Shizuo-san, Izaya-san." Masaomi tried, but when Shizuo glared at him he left too.

"Thanks Shizu-chan! There were starting to ask questions I didn't feel like answering." Izaya said and the nurse left while Shizuo came over.

"They are just kids." Shizuo said.

"Yeah, but they don't need to know what's wrong with me." Izaya said and then laid his head back on his pillow tiredly. "I have a headache, the nurse is getting me medicine, so I might not be much of a company since I feel tired." Izaya mumbled.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it." Shizuo said while smiling softly and then leaned over to catch the raven's lips with his own. They continued until they heard a small cough and they saw the nurse standing there with the medicine.

"Here are your medicine." She handed them over and then headed out fast. Izaya couldn't help but burst out laughing and Shizuo did the same, the look on the nurse's face had been priceless.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Chapter 18! I might have been a bit hard on Izaya in this chapter. Anyway enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya was bored, definitely bored. His morning routine had already ended and he had even had lunch. Shizuo had gone to work, leaving him all alone in his room. It wasn't the first time he had been bored, but he didn't know what to do now. He could go on his laptop, but he didn't really feel like it. Not after the kids had come here after he had gone back on the chat for a moment.

He didn't want to risk having them coming over again and asking questions or asking questions in the chat. Maybe he could gather some information, that couldn't hurt right? He would be going back to work once he was fit enough, even though he didn't know how long that might take.

His physiotherapist had given him an estimation of how long it would take, but that meant that it still took months before he would be able to work. Even though he could start with searching things on his laptop, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get as much as he would able to get with field work.

It might be a good idea to ask Namie to come here and then they could discuss it, the doctor would probably complain if he started working again, but he felt fine, besides his legs not working.

Determined he grabbed his phone and called Namie. It took a few rings, but the phone was finally picked up.

"What do you want?" It was clear that she wasn't happy that he was calling her.

"Namie~ Can you come over?" He decided to just tell her what he wanted.

"Why should I? You have all your stuff there right?"

"But I'm bored!" Izaya complained.

"I'm in a meeting right now, so find something else to lift your boredom." Namie could really be mean at times.

"Is it with Shiki-san? Bring him over too then~" He hadn't planned to ask Shiki here, but he was planning on starting with a bit of work again, so might as well see if Shiki had something for him.

"Why should I bring him over?" That woman could really act dumb when she wanted.

"I want to start a bit of work again, so that I won't be bored."

"Has your doctor given you the permission to work again?"

"I haven't talked to him about it and it will only be some work on my laptop." He could hear Namie sigh on the other end and converse with someone else, but it was too soft for him to make out. "Don't ignore me Namie!" He told her through the phone.

"Keep quiet! I was explaining to Shiki-san what you said and he said that he was fine in coming over."

"Yay!" Izaya said and couldn't help but smirk when he heard Namie groan on the other end.

"We will be there as soon as possible."

"See you soon~!" Izaya couldn't keep the smirk off of his face when he stared at his phone after Namie had hung up. Seems like he might get a job to do after all. He knew that his doctor wouldn't agree yet, but as long as he didn't know it was fine.

xxx

A knock sounded at his door about an hour later and Izaya called them inside cheerfully, smiling at them when they came in.

"Don't smile like that, it's creepy." Namie just had to comment on the smile he was wearing, but Izaya still didn't let it disappear.

"Don't say that Namie. I'm just happy to see you." There was no way that could be true, but she should know that.

"Orihara-san, I would like to know why I had to come here together with your assistant." Oh right, Shiki was here too.

Izaya turned his head towards the man and let his smile disappear before looking at the man with a neutral look. "I was hoping you had some work I could do here on my laptop, since I'm getting quite bored here." He had been bored for longer than this, but until now he had been able to manage with the times Shizuo was here.

"You want to start working again while you're in the hospital?" Shiki was definitely suspicious of him.

"I told you I am bored, so I would like to have something to do." Izaya could see the man still looking at him suspiciously.

"And you're fit to work again?" He knew this was going to come up.

"I can do work on my laptop just fine, might get a headache after a while, but that's nothing new." He had been having headaches before this all started, but that might have been related to this all.

"And you're saying that won't affect your ability to work?" He really never stopped, now did he?

"I might be a bit slower, but I want to do this. It is that I can't do field work for a while, but I am planning to start working again once I'm able to." He was getting irritated with the many questions. Couldn't they just give him a job to do?

"Still, working from a hospital is a bit…" He could clearly see that Shiki didn't feel comfortable with him working here.

"It's not like I can go anywhere else!" And there he snapped at the man. He was honestly tired of everyone trying to keep things from him, including his own body, since it was stopping him from going where he wanted. "My head is doing fine now, it's just my body that isn't working properly yet!" He was definitely pissed and for a moment he could see surprise flash on Shiki's face before it disappeared.

"Oh? You still haven't told me why you're here in the first place." Shiki suddenly started. "Your assistant only told me that you weren't able to work."

"That's none of your business, now just give me something to do." Izaya growled and glared at the man who wasn't giving him a job.

"It is my business if I let you work for me again, I need to know what you're capable of right now." Damn, that was not fair, using a job against him.

"That's not fair." Izaya pouted.

"Life isn't fair, now are you going to explain or should I leave without giving you a job?" Izaya growled at that, he really didn't want to tell Shiki about it, but it seems like he didn't have a choice.

"Fine, you better give me a job after this." Izaya finally said with a sigh. "In september I was diagnosed with brain cancer, I have received treatment and now everything should be gone. The only thing that happened between the two surgeries was that I lost any feeling or movement in my legs, which is why I'm still here, since I'm getting help from a physiotherapist to be able to walk again." He gave Shiki the short version, since he really didn't feel like explaining everything.

"Brain cancer huh?" Shiki really couldn't say it more subtle, now could he? "That explains why you looked like crap those two times I saw you at your apartment."

"Yeah, yeah, now just give me a job." Izaya said, really not wanting to continue the conversation.

"You didn't get any brain damage from the two surgeries you had?" Did he really need to know that.

"Only my vision got a bit worse, so now I have glasses, but beside that, nothing." Izaya said grabbing his glasses from the table beside him and putting them on to show the man.

"Glasses look quite good on you. Anyway, fine. I have a job you can do on your laptop, but if you can't find anything just give it to Yagiri-san, alright?" Shiki said, but there was no way he was going to give it to Namie, he would be able to do this himself.

"Fine, so could you now please tell me what the job is about?" Izaya asked and grabbed his laptop, so he could start looking once he knew what he needed to find.

xxx

After getting told about the job, Izaya had started looking on his laptop for the information, meanwhile he had also looked on the fora to see if word got out of him being in the hospital, since he still didn't trust Masaomi and he wouldn't put it past Mikado to tell it on the Dollar's site.

Logging in to the site he started going through messages and just as he had feared, there were rumors going around about him being in the hospital.

 _-Did you hear? I heard Orihara Izaya is in the hospital_

 _-I heard the same thing, but nobody seems to know why_

That was at least good, then he wouldn't need to try and lie about it.

 _-Still it is weird, he hasn't been seen in Ikebukuro for almost half a year_

He knew that that was true, if you didn't count him riding on Celty's bike to and from the hospital

 _-It has indeed been quiet._

 _-Even Heiwajima Shizuo has calmed down_

 _-That might be because he has been visiting Orihara Izaya_

Oh great, now they just had to start about that.

 _-I have seen him going into the hospital many times over the past few months, so if Orihara Izaya is there he might be visiting him_

There were more comments like this, but Izaya tried to ignore them as best as he could, but in the end he decided to put his own message.

 _-Orihara Izaya has probably just been busy and will be back very soon_

He knew it wasn't true, he might have started working again, but that didn't mean he would be back anytime soon.

 _-Really? I think he might have died_

 _-Yeah, me too. It might even be better that way, since it's a lot more quiet like this_

That hurt, Izaya couldn't deny it, so they thought it would be better if he had just died.

 _-So you just want him dead because you don't like him?_

He knew he must have sounded desperate, but no one knew he was saying it.

 _-Yeah, he's screwed up in the head, so it might indeed be better if he is dead_

This was really not what he wanted to hear right now.

 _-Don't you think you're going too far? He's still a person!_

Was someone trying to help him?

 _-As if, he's more of a monster, calling himself god and everything_

Izaya didn't know how to react, being called a monster was definitely something he would have shaken off had he been his old self, but now, it hit something and hard.

 _-I heard someone saw going around in a wheelchair in the hospital_

 _-What? So he really is in the hospital?_

 _-That's surprising, but that still means he's not dead. Does anyone know why he is in the hospital by the way? Maybe he is dying._

 _-I don't know, that person didn't know._

 _-It might be cancer or something like that, I mean, there is probably not much that guy would go to the hospital for._

 _-That's true, it might indeed be something like that, let's hope he dies from it_

Izaya couldn't take it anymore, why were they so cruel? Why couldn't they see they were hurting him? Why did nobody love or care about him?

Izaya lifted the laptop from his lap, ready to throw it to the floor, but a hand on his arm stopped him and he looked up at Shizuo's concerned eyes.

"Izaya? What are you doing?" The blonde asked, his voice full of concern, but the only answer he got was Izaya shaking his head rapidly.

"Let go." He said in a soft voice, but Shizuo didn't listen. "Please let go." He knew he must look pathetic, but he didn't want the blonde to see him like this. He would only pity him, there was no way Shizuo could care beside pitying him.

"Izaya." Shizuo said it more firmly. Izaya tried to yank his arm out of Shizuo's hand, but the blonde kept a firm grip on him and then pried the laptop away with his other hand placing it on the table. "What happened Izaya?" Stupid tears, don't start, it will only make Shizuo pity him.

"Just go away." He couldn't get his voice louder.

"What?" Was the blonde really that deaf?

"I said GO AWAY!" Now he was yelling and he saw the shocked look of the blonde for a moment but then shook his head. He wouldn't accept his pity again, there was no way he could.

"Izaya…" Shizuo tried, but Izaya was definitely not listening.

"Didn't you hear me? I said to go away." Izaya raised his voice a bit when he said this. "Let go of me and just leave me alone." Shizuo didn't let go of him and instead grabbed Izaya's face with his other hand before closing in on the raven, trying to kiss him, but just at the last moment Izaya managed to pull his face away.

"Don't. Just leave." He could hear Shizuo sigh and felt the blonde's hand finally let go of his arm.

Shizuo was definitely frustrated, Izaya could hear the blonde growling, but he didn't dare look up at him.

"Izaya, why are you doing this?" It was a futile attempt to try and get him to talk, but there was no way Izaya was going to give him an answer.

"Leave me alone, I'm going to rest." Izaya said and then laid down in the bed, turning his back on the blonde.

He could hear the blonde sighing and then he finally stood up and left the room through the door.

Izaya knew somewhere that he had screwed up. He had pushed away the only person who had seemed to really care and he might not even be coming back. Silent tears started falling out of his eyes and this time there was no one to comfort him and even the sleep that came after a while was restless, filled with nightmares.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** Here is chapter 19! Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya was tired when he woke up the next morning. He had been having nightmares every time he closed his eyes and it honestly tired him out. The nightmares had been repeating the words he had read the day before and it kept haunting him.

Nobody seemed to care that he had feelings too. Seems like they all would rather have him dead. Was he really worth that little? Was there really no one who cared about him?

Tears started streaming down his face once more. He was surprised they hadn't dried out yet, since he had been crying a lot through the night, ignoring everyone who came inside to check on him.

Was it really better if he had just died? Would everyone really be happier? Would someone even care if he had died?

Izaya knew that Shizuo acted like he cared, but he wasn't so sure anymore that the blonde cared. Why would his enemy even care about him? There was no way that was true. He probably only did it out of pity, which meant he didn't really care.

Then what were those kisses? Was it just to take his mind of things. Were they fake too? Did the blonde really only do it to make him feel better? The blonde had mostly kissed him when he felt down, so was it just out of pity?

Would Shizuo care if he died? Or would he just go on with his life like nothing happened? He wanted Shizuo to care for him, but if it was out of pity, it wasn't the attention that he wanted. Why did he even believe that Shizuo cared about him? There's no way that could be true now that he thought about it. Shizuo saw him as an enemy and suddenly he cared about him when he fell ill? That was too good to be true.

Izaya could hear the door open, but he kept his back turned to it pretending to be asleep. He had been doing this the whole time since Shizuo left, so there was no way he was going to change it now. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He just didn't believe their concerns for him anymore. People had told him what they thought about him and it was clear that they didn't care and would just rather have him dead. Dying might not be a bad option if no one cared, the question was just if there might be someone who _would_ care.

Heavy footsteps could be heard when the person got closer to him and he recognized them as Shizuo's. He had heard those too many times to be able to mistake them for someone else's.

Why had the blonde even come back after he told him to leave last evening? Couldn't Shizuo just stop acting like he cared? There was no way Izaya was going to believe him again, but he still didn't dare to face the blonde, so he kept pretending to sleep.

"Izaya?" The voice was soft as if trying to see if he was awake, but Izaya didn't react, just pretended to be sleeping. He could hear Shizuo sigh and stand still, he could almost feel the blonde's presence close to him, but there was no way he was going to show that he was awake.

"Izaya, are you still sleeping?" As if he was going to answer if he was really sleeping, but he wasn't planning on showing any signs of being awake.

The blonde shifted a bit beside him and it seemed like he was hesitating about something, then Izaya suddenly felt a rough hand go through his slightly grown back hair, it still wasn't really long, but enough for the blonde to be able to go through it with his hand.

Izaya tried not to stiffen, but he still did it a bit, luckily it seemed that Shizuo didn't notice this and Izaya didn't relax till the blonde finally removed his hand.

"Seems like you don't want me to be here." This took Izaya by surprise. Had the blonde found out that he was faking being asleep. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but if you're this tired that you're still sleeping, then it must have been a rough night." Oh he meant that he must not have gotten much sleep this night.

"I think it's better if I leave, sorry for bothering you." With this he could hear Shizuo walking away, something in Izaya wanted to call out to him, but his mind just wouldn't let him. It kept telling him that Shizuo was only doing this out of pity and that there was no way he would actually care about him.

Izaya heard the door open and close, leaving him alone in the room once again. He dared to shift a bit and turn around in his bed and opened one eye to see if his room was empty, but to his surprise he saw his physiotherapist inside the room. He had been so focused on hearing Shizuo leave that he hadn't heard her come inside.

"So you were awake after all?" She commented, but Izaya just turned back around, trying to ignore her.

"Are you two fighting?" Couldn't she just see that he wanted to be alone? "Or did something else happen?"

"What does it matter to you?" He decided to ask her, still having his back to her.

"I need to know if you're psychologically fit to do physiotherapy today." She just answered, but Izaya himself already knew the answer to that.

"Don't feel like it." What did it even matter? Everyone wanted him dead, so why he need to be able to walk again? Could he do it for himself alone? But his humans didn't seem to care about him, so why should he do his best? He might as well just die here like everyone wanted.

"I suspected as much, we can skip a day, but if you're like this tomorrow too, I will take action." She said with a soft voice, as if she cared. Izaya just didn't believe her.

"Just leave me alone." Was all he said and closed his eyes again trying to go back to sleep, but he knew it wouldn't come just like that.

"Fine, but I will come back tomorrow and if you don't have a better attitude I will take action." She said and then he heard her leave. Izaya didn't say anything more and just waited for sleep to come, which would take quite a while.

xxx

After Shizuo left the hospital he had gone to Shinra's since he still had time before he needed to start work with Tom and he wanted to talk to them about Izaya's strange behaviour the day before.

Shizuo knocked on the door and it didn't take long before Shinra opened the door with a surprised look. "Shizuo? What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and Celty about Izaya." He said, which made the doctor even more confused.

"Why?" But Shizuo ignored him for now and just walked inside towards the living room. There he saw Celty sitting on the couch and when he came in she stood up and showed him her pda.

[Shizuo? Why are you here?] It was almost the same question as Shinra had asked.

"I need to talk to you two about Izaya." He repeated his answer once more.

[What's wrong?] Celty seemed to catch on faster than Shinra.

"He was acting weird yesterday."

[Weird?]

"I came to visit him, but when I went inside I saw him ready to throw his laptop on the ground and when I had taken the laptop away and asked him what happened he told me to get away." Shizuo answered, still remembering how Izaya hadn't dared to look at him and when he had tried to kiss him, the raven had just moved his face away.

[What did you do?] Shizuo got a bit red at this question and he didn't really know if he should tell them about him trying to kiss Izaya.

"I tried to kiss him, we have been doing that for a while, but he moved his face away and when he kept asking me to go away, I just left him."

"You kissed him?" Oh great, now Shinra decided to join the conversation.

"Yeah I did, just that yesterday he ignored it." Maybe he was a bit too honest, but there was no way back now.

"I wonder what made him act like that…" He heard Shinra mumble, but he didn't know the answer to that.

[It might have been something on his laptop!] Celty tried. [Did you look at the laptop?] Shizuo tried to remember if he had seen anything and he could vaguely remember that there was a site opened. Now that he thought about it more it was a familiar.

"There was a site on, I think it was a bit familiar, but I can't remember what kind." Shizuo answered honestly and when he had said that Celty was already standing and walking to grab her laptop. She came back with it and did a few things before showing Shizuo it.

[Is this it?] Now that he looked at it, it was definitely that.

"Yes, that's it. Which site is it?"

[The Dollar's site, around what time did you visit the hospital yesterday?] The Dollar's site? Oh right that gang he had been a part of for a while, no wonder it was a bit familiar.

"It was around 8pm." He answered and then watched as Celty scrolled through all the messages till she arrived at the ones for 8pm.

Celty started reading the messages and soon she stopped and started shaking. Was she angry?

"What's wrong Celty?" Shinra asked and Shizuo also looked at the Dullahan.

[Just read this and you will understand Izaya's actions.] Was all she said and turned the laptop for Shizuo and Shinra to read.

Shizuo didn't know what she meant, but started reading anyway, but what he read made his blood boil with anger. He wanted to kill the ones who had written those messages. No wonder Izaya acted like that, it must have hit him hard if he read it.

"How dare they." He growled and he saw Shinra flinch for a moment at his angry tone, but he could see that the doctor himself was angry. "I will kill them!" Shizuo abruptly stood up and went to leave, but got stopped by Shinra's voice.

"You don't even know who they are!" Shinra said and Shizuo knew he was right, but he needed to vent his anger on something or someone.

"Do you have a better idea then?" He growled and this time it was Celty who replied.

[I might know someone who can help, he's the founder of the Dollars.] Shizuo looked at her for a moment and then nodded.

"Alright, get his ass over here then." Shizuo said and walked back to the couch before sitting down.

[I don't know if he would want to meet in person.] Celty typed, but Shizuo just growled at that.

"Tell him that he would better get his ass over here, otherwise I will find him and kill him." Shizuo growled and Celty only nodded before opening a chat.

xxx

 **-Setton entered the chatroom-**

 **Setton:** Is Tanaka Taro here?

 **Bakyura:** Is that any greeting to give us when you enter the chatroom?

 **Setton:** I don't have the time for this, I have a fuming blonde beside me.

 **Bakyura:** Oh? Who could that be?

 **Setton:** Doesn't matter, is he here or not?

 **Tanaka Taro:** I'm here, what do you need me for?

 **-Private chat with Tanaka Taro-**

 **Setton:** I need you to come over right now, it's really important!

 **Tanaka Taro:** What's so important that I need to come over right now?

 **Setton:** Can't explain now, just come over and I will tell you.

 **Tanaka Taro:** And if I don't?

 **Setton:** Heiwajima Shizuo will otherwise find you and kill you.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Is he the fuming blonde?

 **Setton:** He is, so get over here, since it is important.

 **Tanaka Taro:** Fine, see you in a bit.

 **-Private chat ended-**

 **Tanaka Taro:** Seems that I need to go, bye!

 **Setton:** I need to go too, goodbye!

 **-Tanaka Taro left the chatroom-**

 **-Setton left the chatroom-**

"And?" Shizuo asked almost immediately when the laptop got put aside.

[He said he would come over, now we just need to wait.] Celty answered.

"Great, I hope he comes here soon." Shizuo said.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Chapter 20! I hope you will enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya had been ignoring all the nurses that came into his room that day. He suspected that his physiotherapist had told them that he was in a bad mood and that they needed to try and talk to him, since every single one of them tried to make a conversation with him.

Izaya didn't feel like talking and had ignored all of them, he had even ignored the food he had gotten and he knew that they were getting frustrated with him, but he ignored it all. They didn't really care about him, they just did this because it was their job.

He himself hadn't been doing much today, just sleeping and thinking most of the time and of course ignoring the people who came inside. He had been thinking about what had been written in those messages. Would everyone be happier if he just ended his life?

The people in the hospital would probably happy that he finally left, since he wasn't really the best patient they could have. His enemies would probably throw a party and the rest of his humans would probably be relieved that he was gone. That he was no longer able to mess with their lives.

But was he ready to take his own life? Was he really ready to give everything up he had if it made other people happier? What did it even matter if no one cared? Nobody would be sad when he was dead, not his sisters, not Shizuo, not anyone, so he might as well be dead.

Izaya would rather be dead than receive their pity, that was all that they were giving him, pity. Just pity, nothing more nothing less. They didn't care, it just seemed like caring, but instead it was pity and that was something he didn't need. It was the thing he hated the most.

But what would be the best way to do this? He was in a hospital after all, so there wouldn't be much things he could do, especially when he wasn't even able to walk. It had to be something that he could do while he was sitting in the bed here.

Izaya looked around the room carefully, seeing if there was anything that could help him. At first he didn't see anything, but then his eyes rested on his jacket that was hung over a chair, not too far from the bed, he should be able to reach it and if his switchblade was inside he would be lucky.

Izaya balanced on the bed with one arm, while he reached out with his other arm towards his jacket. He knew he was risking falling out of the bed, but he had to get his jacket.

He stretched a bit more and then he could finally grasp the fabric of his jacket and pull it towards him while he let himself get steady on the bed.

Izaya was now sitting in the bed and he looked at his jacket for a moment. If his switchblade was inside that would be his only chance, he knew that. He just had to hope that no one would come inside while he was doing this.

He searched the pockets of his jacket till he felt the familiar form of his switchblade. It was a miracle that nobody had taken it out. There were a few people who knew he kept it inside after all.

Izaya tossed the jacket back on the chair and then flicked open his switchblade. He looked at the blade and turned it over in his hand for a bit while he kept his eyes on it. Was he really ready to do this? He knew it would be easy, just slit his wrist deep enough for it to bleed hard enough and he might as well do both arms, since then it would probably go faster. He was in a hospital after all, so if it didn't go fast enough he might survive this.

He decided that he would first slit his left wrist, if he did his right first, it might not be strong enough to slit his other wrist, but if he did his left first, he knew he could trust it to do the job to the other.

There were of course other ways he could do this, he could stab himself multiple times or just slit his throat, but that was quite hard to do yourself, this was definitely a more effective way, even though it would be slower.

His right hand was holding the blade tightly while he put it down on his wrist, drawing a small line of blood from it. He knew this wasn't enough so he pressed harder and more blood started to flow out.

It hurt less then he had expected, he had thought it to hurt a lot, but it was more like a stinging pain, yet oddly satisfying.

He lifted the blade for a moment to go to another position on his wrist and cut there too, just as deep as the other one was. This should do for this wrist. He could already feel a bit lightheaded by all the blood that was flowing out, but he had to do his other wrist too.

His left hand shook a bit while it grabbed a hold of the switchblade and placed it on his right wrist, shakily pushing down, starting to draw a small line of blood.

xxx

Shizuo had been getting impatient while they waited for Mikado to come over. The boy was really taking his time and Shizuo was getting more irritated with the second.

"Why the hell isn't he here yet?" Shizuo growled and he saw Shinra flinch, but before anyone could answer him a knock sounded at the door and Shinra left to open it.

"Ah, Mikado-kun, come inside. We've been waiting for you." Shinra said in a friendly tone, which made Shizuo only more irritated.

Shizuo watched while a teenage boy came walking inside and he thought he was a bit familiar, but he couldn't remember his name.

"You're the one?" He just growled irritatingly and he saw the boy start to shake. Was it in fear or something else? He really got a weird feeling from this boy, but he decided to ignore it and focus on what he had to say for himself.

"Heiwajima-san, I don't know what you mean, but if you mean that I'm the one who was supposed to come then you're right." The boy said a bit timidly.

[This is Ryugamine Mikado, founder of the Dollars.] Celty told him the boy's name and Shizuo gave a curt nod.

"So Mikado-kun? You're the founder of the Dollars right?" Shizuo asked him and he could see a surprised look appearing on the boy's face.

"I am, but what has that to do with me coming here?" Did the boy not read his own boards of the site?

[Mikado-kun, we wanted to ask you something about some messages on the Dollar's site.] Celty answered for him and he could see the boy's face turn into one with a frown.

"What kind of messages?" Shizuo was getting irritated.

"Don't you read all the messages on your site? We're talking about the ones saying that they would rather have Izaya dead." Shizuo growled and now a confused look appeared on the boy's face.

"I don't read everything no and I haven't seen those messages." Celty had grabbed her laptop once more and this time turned it to show Mikado.

[These are the messages, could you find out who they are from?] Shizuo looked at the boy while he was reading the messages, but he was getting impatient.

"Do you know them?" He growled, which caught the attention of Mikado.

"I don't and I can't help you in finding them, everyone is anonymous, so I have no idea who everyone is." Mikado said carefully, knowing that Shizuo would get angry.

"What? So you can't help us? Great, just great. Now we ruined some of the time we had." Shizuo growled and stood up, walking towards the front door.

"Shizuo where are you going?" Shinra asked, but Shizuo didn't turn around while he answered.

"I'm going to see Izaya, I already told Tom I won't come to work today." Shizuo answered and had already opened the door when he got stopped by Shinra's voice.

"Wait a moment, we will be coming with you. Are you coming too Mikado-kun?"

"Yeah, sure." And Shizuo waited impatiently, while the three of them got ready to go and that's when they left for the hospital.

xxx

Shizuo had been getting more anxious while they were on their way to the hospital. He had a feeling like something bad was happening and he didn't like it.

Now that they were in the hospital and on their way to Izaya's room, he was getting more and more nervous that it was even noticeable for the other people with him.

"Shizuo? What's wrong?" He heard Shinra ask and he turned to face the doctor.

"I have a bad feeling." Shizuo mumbled and then turned his look back on the hallway before him, they still needed to go a floor up and then they would need to walk a bit before they would be at the room.

"Is it because of how Izaya was acting yesterday?" Shinra asked and Shizuo just shrugged.

"Don't know, just have a bad feeling." He said and that was the end of the conversation. The bad feeling kept increasing while they got closer to Izaya's room and he didn't know why until he opened the door.

xxx

Izaya pushed the blade in deeper, ignoring the tears that had started streaming down his face. It didn't hurt, not as much as his heart did. It would be fine, he would be dead soon and there was no one who could stop him.

He lifted the blade and wanted to make a last cut, but suddenly his hand got gripped by someone's strong hand and he looked up to the one who had stopped him to see Shizuo staring at him in shock.

Izaya could see the blonde's lips move, but he didn't comprehend what he was saying. He was shocked that someone had been able to stop him, but he wondered if it had been in time. He hoped it hadn't been, but something said it hadn't been enough. He had been a coward, he should have just stabbed himself several times.

Izaya tried to tug his hand free from the blonde, but he felt weak, the blood loss hadn't done him any good, he noticed. He was weak.

Suddenly he felt someone prying the blade away from his fingers, but he didn't want it to be taken away from him, so he tried to hit the one who had tried it with his right arm, but this one got caught too.

He wanted to protest, to hit the one who was keeping him at bay, but he had no strength in his legs, he couldn't even walk let alone kick and his arms were caught by someone strong.

His mind couldn't grasp around what was happening but he knew he had to get free, get his switchblade back and the only way to do that was to get himself free from the one who was holding him.

Seeing no other way, he lunged forward and sunk his teeth into one of the arms that were holding him, but it didn't budge, even when he felt skin break and tasted blood the one was still not letting go.

Suddenly he felt a sting from a needle and some liquid entering him, before he slowly felt himself falling into unconscious. The last thing he thought about was how unfair everything was and that he honestly hoped that he wouldn't wake up again.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Chapter 21! Please enjoy reading this and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya felt himself being pulled out of a dreamless sleep. He was confused. Why was he waking up? He could remember how he had started cutting both his wrists, but what happened after that was a complete mystery. How had he even passed out in the end? And how had he survived it? Since it seemed like he was still alive.

Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked a few times, trying to make them adjust. He tried to lift one of his hands to rub at his eyes, but he noticed that they stopped by something. He tried to pull once more, but it didn't work and it seemed like his arms were strapped to the bed.

He lifted his head a bit from the pillows and now he could confirm that they were indeed strapped to the bed, probably to prevent him from hurting himself again. He could also see that his wrist were bandaged, probably because of the wounds he had made.

Izaya felt tears welling up. Why couldn't they have let him die? Why? He wanted to, so why couldn't they even grant him that? Soft sobs started escaping from his mouth and he didn't even notice when someone moved beside him until he felt a hand slip in his own.

Izaya turned his head to the side seeing Shizuo look at him with concerned eyes.

"Izaya?" The blonde spoke softly as if scared to speak any louder.

"Why?" Was all Izaya could muster before he broke into sobs again. He felt Shizuo move and soon he felt the blonde's arms wrap around his upper body holding him close. "Why did I have to live Shizuo? Why?" He yelled through the sobs and he could feel the blonde's hold tighten.

"Don't think like that. Don't think that you should have been dead." Shizuo said softly and lifted one of his hands to stroke the raven's hair. "Don't let it get to you, you're fine." Izaya could only lay limply in the blonde's hold, crying his eyes out while sobs escaped his lips.

"Shizuo?" When he had calmed down for a bit he dared to say the blonde's name softly.

"What's wrong?" The blonde's voice was gentle, more than he had ever expected the blonde's voice to be.

"Nobody cares about me." Izaya said silently. "Everyone would rather have me dead."

"That's not true." Shizuo started. "I care about you." But he saw the raven look doubtfully at him. "I really do Izaya. Trust me, I really do."

"No, that can't be true!" Izaya started yelling. "You're only doing this out of pity, you don't care for me at all!" The raven kept yelling.

"Izaya!" This time the the blonde's voice was more stern. "Look at me!" The raven did as he was told and looked at the blonde. "Look in my eyes and tell me if you see pity or not!" Izaya didn't want to he was afraid of what he would see, but the blonde wouldn't have it and forced him to look in his eyes. "Tell me, what you see, do you see the pity you thought to see?"

Izaya shook his head, he didn't see the pity, but he didn't want to believe it just yet. "It can't be." He said shaking his head.

"Izaya…" The blonde's voice was suddenly soft and sounded desperate. "Don't ever scare me like that again. I can't bear losing you." Izaya's eyes widened a bit and he looked back at Shizuo's face to see sad and worried eyes look at him. The feelings seemed to be genuine.

"Can I trust you?" Izaya asked slowly, surprised that he had asked it.

"You can, you will always be able to trust me." Shizuo said and a small smile appeared on his face.

"Can you bent further down?" Izaya could see the confused look on the blonde's face, but he had to ask, since his arms were still bound and he wasn't able to pull the blonde down. "Just do it."

When the blonde complied, Izaya lifted his head a bit and let his lips touch the blonde's softly. The blonde didn't pull away, which was a good sign, it meant that the blonde meant what he had said.

Izaya broke the kiss and let his head down on the pillow again. "Shizu-chan, do you know when they will be taking these off?" He said while lifting his arms as far as he could.

Shizuo was back in a standing position again and looked for a moment. "When they think you're stable and not about to hurt yourself or others." The blonde answered honestly.

"Others?" Izaya asked confused, he had only hurt himself as far as he knew. Then his eyes fell on a bandage on the blonde's arm. "What did I do?" Izaya asked scared for the answer.

"You bit me, nothing more. It doesn't even hurt, I can handle it." Shizuo assured the raven, but Izaya still felt bad about biting the blonde.

"Sorry, I don't know what I did except for the…" But he trailed off there.

"Don't worry about it." Shizuo said. They kept in silence for a while after this, waiting for the doctor to come, since he would come soon, the question was just when.

xxx

Izaya didn't know how long they had stayed silent, but now the door opened and the doctor walked in. Izaya followed the man with his eyes, determining what the man was going to do or say.

"I see that you're awake Orihara-san?" It was more a statement than a question, so Izaya decided to only nod. "We had to sedate you, so you wouldn't hurt yourself or the people around you, that's also the reason why you're bound to the bed right now."

"Shizu-chan explained that part already." Izaya said and then waited for the doctor to go on.

"I'm not going to ask you why you did it, but I'm going to set you up with a psychologist." Izaya's eyes widened at that.

"Why? I don't need one." He really didn't like the thought of needing to talk to a psychologist.

"You tried to commit suicide." The doctor stated blankly, which made Izaya turn his head away. "Anyway, seems like you've calmed down, so I will take the bounds off, but if you don't behave they will be back." The doctor said and two nurses came to undo them. "As long as the wounds on your wrists haven't healed properly, there won't be any walking with the supporting bars, since there is a risk of them opening again. Your physiotherapist will be helping you with the movement till the wounds have healed, but that will be from tomorrow on." Izaya could only listen. He still felt like he couldn't trust anyone except for Shizuo, so he was a bit skeptical.

"It will be fine Izaya." Shizuo had clearly noticed him being skeptical and tried to reassure him. "I told you to trust me, remember?" Izaya nodded slowly.

"Alright, as you might have suspected we have taken your switchblade from you and made sure that there are no other sharp objects here." The doctor told him. "You should understand that this is for your own good." Izaya glared at the doctor, but didn't complain.

"We're done for now, should I sent the other three in? They've been waiting through the whole night for you to wake up.

"Other three?" Izaya asked and looked to Shizuo.

"Shinra, Celty and some kid came with me." Shizuo had clearly forgotten the name of Mikado again.

"Fine, send them in." Izaya said, it couldn't be that bad right? Even though he was wondering who Shizuo meant with 'kid'.

The doctor left and was soon replaced by Shinra followed by Celty and Mikado.

Izaya looked surprised at the fact that Mikado walked in and he realised that he was probably the kid Shizuo had been talking about.

"Izaya, how are you?" Was the first question Shinra asked.

"What do you think?" Izaya didn't feel like answering Shinra. He was still not trusting the fact that people really cared about him. He knew that couldn't be true, even though he had seen the emotions in Shizuo's eyes, he still felt doubtful of the blonde, even though he hadn't told him that.

He was fine with trusting Shizuo for now, but there was no way that he was going to trust other people yet. Why was Mikado even here? Unless… No, that couldn't be, it could not be that they read those messages. His eyes went wide with realization and his breath quickened.

 _Please, let them not have read those messages!_ No, that couldn't be, were they going to show him pity again? Was Shizuo here too because of the messages?

Izaya tried to breath, but there was a constricting feeling, making breathing difficult and he felt like he couldn't breath at all.

Why was this happening to him? Why was all he ever received from people hate or pity? Was he really worth that little? Was he really better of dead?

"Izaya!" Izaya heard someone scream but he didn't pay attention, he was only focussed on his thoughts when he started clawing at his arms. Nobody wanted this pitiable excuse he was. Nobody would ever be able to care.

"Panic attack… Doctor…" He could only hear a few words through the panic he was feeling.

He felt arms wrap around his body, but he tried to push them away with all the strength he could muster, but the one who was holding him wouldn't let go.

Sadly enough it did not do anything to help him calm down, instead he kept trying to get away and this time he started clawing at the arms which were holding him tight. He didn't deserve this, so why would someone be doing this? Why would they keep trying? Wasn't it clear that he was done, that he was so done with everything?

He couldn't hear anything that was happening around him, he only tried desperately to get some air into his lungs. What would even happen if he didn't get enough in? Would he die of suffocation? Probably not, his body would react on time.

Izaya kept struggling, when he once again felt the stinging of a needle in his arm and soon after he fell into unconscious.

xxx

Shizuo was looking down at the sedated raven in his arms. Izaya hadn't stopped with panicking, so in the end the doctor had decided to sedate him once more.

Shizuo could see the scratch marks lining the raven's arms, but not only there, his own were also covered in scratches from the raven's nails.

"You can let him down on the bed now." He heard a doctor say and Shizuo slowly and softly laid the raven back on the bed. He had tried desperately to calm the raven down by holding him, but hadn't succeeded.

"It's not your fault Shizuo." He heard Shinra say, but he only shook his head at that. He should have been able to calm the raven down, but he failed. Would Izaya ever accept him completely? And what about others? Had his trust really been hurt that much by those messages.

Shizuo slowly sat down on the chair and looked to the other people in the room and then let his eyes rest on the doctor, who was carefully wrapping the raven's arms and wrists again.

"Does any of you know what might have triggered the panic attack?" The doctor suddenly asked, but Shizuo didn't know.

"I think he started panicking when he saw me." The kid suddenly spoke up. He still didn't remember the name, but he didn't really care either.

"And why would that be?" But all of them shook their heads indicating that they didn't know. "Then I think it would be best for you to leave, I would rather only have one person here." The doctor said and Shizuo wanted to speak up, but Shinra was first.

"Shizuo should stay here, it seemed like he had gained some trust back from Izaya." The doctor nodded.

"That's good then, please try to help him as much as possible, tomorrow will be his first appointment with a psychiatrist, so if you could please make sure that he is willing to go, that would be great." Shizuo stared at the doctor for a moment, did he really expect him to be able to do that?

"I don't know, but I can try." Shizuo said and with that the others left to leave him alone with the unconscious raven.

Shizuo softly grabbed the raven's hand and let his eyes travel over the bandaged arm, before placing a soft kiss on the back of the hand.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:** Here is chapter 22! Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya opened his eyes slowly with a groan escaping his lips. He felt a bit dazed and sluggish, not really knowing why that was. What had he even been doing before he fell asleep?

Izaya tried to remember what happened, but it was all a bit vague. He could remember Shizuo and the doctor, but everything after that was fuzzy, as if he didn't want to remember. This was only making him more confused, since he felt like something happened.

He noticed that something was in his hand and he looked down to see another hand in his own, but that was not the only thing that was noticeable. There were more bandages on his arm than he could remember and when he looked to his other, there were more bandages there too.

His gaze traveled to the man who was holding his hand and noticed that Shizuo was sitting in the chair asleep. Had he been staying with him all this time? Could he really be concerned about him? However much he wanted to believe it, it just didn't work. His mind kept telling him that the blonde wasn't caring about him, even though Shizuo had clearly showed otherwise. Why was it so hard to trust someone?

Why couldn't his mind just agree with what he felt? Why did it leave him feeling like he couldn't trust anyone? Like they weren't being truthful to him? Like they didn't mean anything they did for him?

Izaya saw Shizuo shift in the corner of his eyes and when he turned his head fully in that direction he saw surprised brown eyes staring into his red ones.

"You're awake…" The blonde mumbled and Izaya almost didn't hear it, since it was quite soft. The blonde yawned for a moment and then focussed his eyes back on Izaya. "How are you feeling?"

Izaya blinked a few times. Shizuo's look had gone from surprised to worried and Izaya could tell that it was genuine worry. _He's just masking it, there's no way those can be his true feelings._ A voice in his head said, but Izaya shook his head, trying to keep the voice away. This however seemed to be a wrong move when Shizuo's eyes filled with more concern.

Izaya realised that he had answered with a shake of his head and that the blonde had taken it as if he wasn't alright. "Ah, sorry Shizuo, that wasn't meant as an answer." It didn't feel right to call the blonde Shizu-chan, so he was using his full name. "I'm just feeling a bit sluggish, but besides that I'm fine." He could see the skeptical look on the blonde's face, but Shizuo didn't comment on it.

"Izaya…" Izaya looked to Shizuo when he said his name. "There's something I need to talk to you about…" Izaya's eyes went wide at this. What could the blonde want to talk about? Would he tell him that he was tired of him too? _See? I told you he didn't care and now he's dumping you._

"I don't want to." Izaya said, but the only reaction he got was the blonde shaking his head.

"We need to talk." The blonde repeated and looked to the raven determined to get this over with. "The doctor told me that your first appointment with the psychiatrist is tomorrow morning."

"What? I told him I didn't need that!" Izaya protested. He didn't want to see a psychiatrist. He really didn't want to talk about what happened to him and what the reason was for what happened. There was no way he could do that.

"Izaya!" The blonde said sternly and when Izaya looked at him he was glaring. "This is something serious and you need to talk to someone about this. Someone who can give you _professional_ help." Izaya opened his mouth to complain again, but Shizuo kept glaring at him.

"What would that do?" Izaya started while his look turned into one of helplessness. "What do you think they can do to help me? They think the same as everyone else! The sooner I'm gone the better!" Izaya started yelling the last bits.

"That's not true and if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for me!" The blonde had also raised his voice and kept staring at Izaya.

"What good would that do? You will just throw me away in the end!"

"No, I won't. I care too much about you, so please do this for me. You need help." The last part was said a lot softer.

"I can't believe you. I can't trust you." Izaya kept saying. Somewhere he wanted to do this for Shizuo, but it was hard. It was too hard if he was honest. How was he supposed to handle all this when he felt like no one cared? He knew the psychiatrist wasn't going to care either, it would be their job, so they had to act like they cared.

"Didn't I tell you, you can trust me? Why don't you believe in it?" Shizuo tried, but tears were already gathering in Izaya's eyes.

"I'm trying, alright? I'm trying! But it is so hard! I feel like no one can be trusted and that I would be better off gone. No longer bothering anyone." Izaya's tears were falling freely now and he looked at Shizuo as if asking for help. He wanted to trust the blonde more than anything, but it was just so hard when your mind kept telling you not to trust him.

"It's fine Izaya. It's good if you're trying, but please go and talk to the psychiatrist for me. Just give it a try and if you don't like it, I won't complain anymore." Shizuo said and slowly stood up from the chair, going to sit on the edge of the bed.

Izaya saw the blonde sit down and felt warm hands covering his cheeks when he was made to look at Shizuo. Once again he could see honesty there and something said he had to fight the thing that was making him feel like he couldn't trust anyone, but it was hard, a lot harder than he had thought it would be.

Taking a deep breath he finally answered the blonde. "I will try." Were the last three words that were said. They kept in silence and sometime they both fell asleep.

xxx

Izaya hadn't slept that well, so he was a bit tired, but he knew he wouldn't get any more time to rest when he saw the door open and a young man walked in. He was probably not much older than he and Shizuo were.

"Good morning, Orihara-san." Izaya narrowed his eyes for a moment at the friendly tone of the man. "You don't need to be so hostile, I'm the psychiatrist your doctor was talking about and I would like to talk with you for a while." Then his gaze turned to Shizuo. "I would like to talk alone with Orihara-san, so could you wait outside?"

Izaya's eyes widened at that. "Can't he stay?" He tried, but the man shook his head.

"This will need to be done with the two of us." Izaya looked at Shizuo for help this time, but the blonde was already standing up.

"I will be outside, please call if I'm needed." Shizuo said and then left the room, leaving Izaya alone with the psychiatrist.

Izaya was not happy that the blonde had left him alone with this man. He didn't trust the man, so leaving him alone with him was a bad idea if you asked him.

"Orihara-san, I just want to talk to you about what has happened over the past months and how you felt about it." The psychiatrist started, which only received him a glare from Izaya.

"Why would I need to tell you?" Izaya questioned him.

"You don't need to, but I'm here to listen. I won't judge you." The man said, but Izaya still felt wary of the man.

"So I just need to talk?" Izaya asked and at that the man nodded.

"Just take your time. Where do you want to start?"

"I think starting at the beginning would be fine right?" Izaya asked and when he only received a nod he sighed. This man was really not going to leave until he told him something.

"It's up to you where to start." The man added and Izaya stayed silent for a moment thinking about what to tell first.

"The first time something happened, it was quite frustrating." Izaya started. "I was walking up the stairs in my home when I lost my balance and fell down. I still remember how I landed and it hurt quite a bit. Afterwards I tried to stand up, but my body wouldn't listen to me and my assistant had to help me to my room." The psychiatrist nodded and encouraged him to go on, but Izaya decided to watch the man for a bit.

"Could you tell me about how you felt? Not just frustrated, but maybe something else." It was clear to Izaya that the man was looking for his real feelings, but there was no way that Izaya was going to give himself open like that.

"I'm afraid of the stairs now, even though I can't even walk properly right now." Izaya decided that that should get the man's attention, so that he could avoid the other emotions inside him.

"Why do you think you are afraid of stairs?" This was too easily to get the man to ask what he wanted to ask him.

"I'm afraid that my body is going to fail me again and that I'm going to fall down once again, but I know that's crazy." Izaya told the doctor and he could see the man nod in the corner of his eye.

"So you're thinking that you can't trust your body anymore?" The word trust hit a bit too close to home, but he tried not to show it.

"That might be it." He answered curtly, not really wanting to go further any longer.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" The man tried, but Izaya shook his head.

"I think we're done." Izaya said.

"It's fine, I will be back in a few days." The man said, which alarmed Izaya.

"You're coming back? I don't need this, so why are you coming back?" Izaya really didn't want to talk about this any longer.

"I can't force you to talk, but I will be coming back, since that blonde outside asked me to. If you don't want to do this any longer, you should convince him first." The man said and turned around to leave.

"Fine, I should be able to survive another session." Izaya grumbled and let the man walk out before looking to the door when he heard Shizuo enter.

"How did it go?" The blonde asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. I honestly don't want this, but be happy, since I have decided to do it for you." Izaya said and glared at the blonde at the last words.

"Thank you. I know it must be hard, but I really want you to do this." Shizuo said and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"If this goes wrong it will be your fault." Izaya grumbled, but he didn't really mean it. He knew the blonde wanted the best for him and he tried his best to ignore the voice that was telling him that nothing of this was true.

"Do you want to go somewhere in the hospital? You haven't been out of the room for a while." Shizuo asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"I'm tired, I think I'm going to get some sleep." Shizuo nodded and Izaya saw how the blonde leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. Izaya didn't kiss back, but just let the blonde kiss him.

"Just go to sleep then." Izaya thought he saw a bit of a hurt look in the blonde's eyes when he didn't kiss back, but he couldn't be sure if he had really seen it or not. Doing as the blonde said he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** Here is chapter 23. Enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya started awake from the nightmare he was having. His eyes were wide open and his clothes and blankets were drenched in sweat. His heart was beating fast and he was breathing fast too.

The nightmare was still clear on his mind and it seemed as if he would still be able to see it when he closed his eyes again. The words that the people had told him were still ringing in his ears, telling him how worthless he was.

In the nightmare people kept telling him how he was not worth anything and that he was a coward for not being able to kill himself. That he was weak for letting himself be caught while he was trying to kill himself.

But even though the nightmare was over the voices wouldn't stop.

" _You're worthless."_

" _You're a coward, not even able to kill yourself."_

" _You're weak, you should have been able to do the job."_

" _Why are you even still alive?"_

" _We don't need you here."_

"Stop…" Izaya told the voices softly, trying to stop them.

" _Do you really think you deserve to live?"_

" _Nobody will ever care."_

" _Nobody will ever like someone like you."_

"Stop it!" This time he yelled, but it didn't work, the voices kept going. Izaya brought his hands to his head and grabbed his hair hard, until it hurt, but he wanted this pain, anything but to focus on the words that were going through his head.

" _Worthless. Weak. Pathetic. Coward."_ The words kept ringing in his head and Izaya only grabbed harder.

"Please stop." This time it came more like a whimper. He really wanted them to stop, even though he did believe that they were right, they didn't need to keep telling him that.

Izaya shut his eyes tightly, but this proved to be a wrong move, when the scenes of his nightmare started appearing in front of his eyes. Izaya tried to open them again, but he was too focussed on the images appearing in his head.

Izaya's breath quickened even more and his breaths became more shallow too. He felt like he wasn't getting any air in his lungs, as if he wasn't able to breath.

Izaya didn't notice when the door to his room opened, too focussed on the fact that he wasn't able to get air into his lungs. Izaya started clawing at his throat, desperate for some air when he suddenly felt two arms take his arms away and take him into an embrace.

Izaya first panicked, not really knowing what was happening, but the warmth felt familiar, soothing. Soon he felt himself calm down a bit and lean into the embrace more, tired of not having slept well and the strain his body got from the panic attack.

Izaya's breathing got better and soon he felt like he was getting more air into his lungs. His breath was still a bit faster when he looked up to who had embraced him and was greeted by blonde hair and brown eyes full of worry.

They kept like this for a while, till Izaya's breathing was back to normal again. That's when Shizuo let go and laid the raven back down on the bed.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked with a soft voice, not having the energy to speak louder.

"Yeah?" The blonde answered.

"Thanks." Izaya told the blonde and he could see him smile, even though there was still worry in his eyes.

"You're welcome." Shizuo said and then started stroked the raven's head. "What happened?" Izaya could tell that the blonde asked this carefully, probably afraid that he would start panicking again.

"A nightmare." Was all he answered, but he knew it was enough for the blonde to understand what probably happened.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Izaya shook his head at that. He didn't need the blonde to know what the nightmare was about. He didn't want anyone to know about it. He would be just fine, he just didn't want to be alone. "Do you think you could get some more sleep? You look tired." The blonde commented, but Izaya wasn't so sure that he would be able to sleep again, he was afraid that the nightmare would come back.

"I might be able if you're here." He admitted softly, he felt his cheeks heat up a bit at the question, but when he looked at Shizuo and saw a gentle smile on the blonde's face he knew he shouldn't be embarrassed about this.

Izaya still didn't feel like he could trust the blonde completely, but the trust was definitely building, even if Shizuo was the only one he could trust right now, he was fine with it. He just needed one person and he knew it was more than he would ever deserve.

"Sure, just get some sleep, alright?" Shizuo said and then sat down on the bed, not stopping with stroking the raven's hair.

Izaya's eyes felt heavy and soon they fell close completely and not much later he was asleep, comforted by the blonde stroking his head.

xxx

Opening his eyes, Izaya slowly looked around the room. He expected Shizuo to be there, but the blonde had probably gone somewhere. Izaya couldn't help but hope that Shizuo would be back soon, he felt vulnerable without the blonde being here, even though he didn't want to admit that.

Izaya heard a door opened and looked to see the one to the bathroom/toilet open. Shizuo had probably needed to use the restroom, which was logical, since there was no way the blonde could do without.

"Ah, you're awake." Shizuo said while he walked back and saw Izaya awake in the bed.

"Yeah, I was wondering where you had gone, but now I have my answer." Izaya said and kept following the blonde with his eyes.

"The doctor came while you were asleep and changed the bandages. He said that the wounds were healing fine, so you should be able to start practicing walking soon." Izaya looked at his wrists when the blonde mentioned it and saw that there were only bandages left around his wrist and no longer on his arms.

Now that he bandages were off his arms he could see the scratches going over his arms and he looked confused for a moment. He didn't know when he had given himself these.

"From when are these?" Izaya kept looking at his arms while he waited for an answer.

"From when you had your panic attack." Oh, so it was from then. He couldn't remember the attack itself, so he wouldn't remember this either.

"Shizuo, thank you for everything." Izaya mumbled and still didn't look at the blonde, he didn't dare look at his face to see his reaction.

"You don't need to thank me, I'm doing this because I want to do it for you." When Shizuo said that the door opened.

"Are you two confessing to each other?" That voice was unmistakably Mairu's. Izaya looked at the door and saw his two sisters together with Haru.

"What are you guys doing here?" Izaya asked, ignoring her question. He hadn't seen them for a while, they had probably been busy with preparing for the new school year or something else, but now that they were here Izaya was surprised to see them.

"We came to visit you and see how you were doing." Haru told him and Izaya tried to guess if the three of them were told anything about what happened before they came in.

"Don't you three have better things to do?" Izaya tried to sound as normal as possible. If they didn't know about his break down, they didn't need to know. He didn't want his sisters to find out about how he was really doing. He would just pretend like nothing happened and hope that his sisters wouldn't pick up on the signs he would probably be giving off.

"We have spare time, so we decided to visit you." Mairu told him once again and Izaya just sighed at that.

"What are you even doing here together? Have you started dating or something?" Izaya asked with a fake smirk plastered on his face. He tried to make it as real as possible, but in the corner of his eye he could tell that Shizuo knew it was fake.

"Iza-nii! Don't make assumptions, we're just friends and decided to come together." Mairu complained and Izaya kept smirking, even though he didn't feel like doing it at all inside. It was really hard to keep this up, but he knew he had to try.

"Haru-kun, how are you holding up with my sisters?" Izaya decided to turn his attention to the boy who had come too.

"They're not much worse than you Izaya-san, I can handle them." Normally that comment wouldn't have hurt Izaya, but he felt the smirk drop from his face and a frown started to form between his eyebrows.

 _See, he doesn't care either. He just said that you're a bad person and he doesn't even know you that long._ Izaya shook his head when the voice started talking again, trying to get it to stop. He knew Haru didn't mean it that way, so the voice shouldn't tell him otherwise.

"Iza-nii?" He heard Kururi's soft voice and Izaya looked to her to see her looking worried. He didn't want his sisters to worry about this, they didn't need to know about this, so it was better if they didn't find out.

"I'm fine, just a bit of a headache." He lied, trying to cover up the fact that he was feeling really down.

"Arms…"(What happened to your arms?) Kururi was really sharp sometimes and Izaya really hated it at this moment.

"Just something I did in my sleep, don't worry." Izaya gave a weak smile to his sister and noticed that she didn't believe him. "Don't tell them." He whispered to her this time. "I will tell you, but after they're gone." He really didn't have any other way than to tell his sister probably.

"Shizu-chan, could you get some drinks with Haru-kun and Mairu? Kururi can stay here with me." Izaya said and looked at Shizuo, meaning to tell him that he wanted them out. Shizuo got the hint and dragged the two other kids out with him, even though they were protesting.

Now that he had his attention back on Kururi he saw her questioning look. "You want to know what's under the bandages right?" The girl nodded. "Did you hear anything before coming in?" A shake of her head told Izaya that she didn't. "I… How should I say this…" Izaya turned his eyes down to his lap, not really daring to look at Kururi.

"Iza-nii?" Kururi was clearly asking him to go on, but this was harder than he thought it would be. He hadn't had to say it out loud yet, which made it that much harder.

"I cut myself." He mumbled in the end. He didn't dare to look up, until he felt small hands grab his own and he looked up to see Kururi looking at him with a sad look. Why was she sad? He hadn't done anything to make her sad right?

"Why?" Was the one word she said. Izaya was grateful that she wasn't one for a lot of words, since Mairu would have made a scene out of this.

"I don't really know how to describe it." Izaya kept his voice low and soft. He didn't want to tell her the reason.

"...fine"(It's fine) Izaya looked at her surprised. "...tell"(You don't need to tell)

"You can't tell this to Mairu, alright?" A nod was all he received and he knew he couldn't be completely sure that she wouldn't do it, but he had already told her, so there was no way back.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** Chapter 24! Enjoy reading it and please review!

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Around a week had gone by, but Izaya couldn't say that he was feeling better at all. The doctor had given him the clear yesterday that he was fine to start trying to walk again. Now he was waiting for the woman to come and for Shizuo to come too. The blonde wasn't here yet, which was odd. Normally he would have been here already, especially since today was the day he was starting again with full physiotherapy.

The door opened and Izaya hoped that it was Shizuo, but when he looked up he saw it was his physiotherapist. "Good morning, Orihara-san." The woman greeted him. "Today we will go back to the walking practise. I see that Heiwajima-san is not here?" Izaya watched her every move. His trust in people had dropped really low, so right now he was feeling really uncomfortable with her being the only one here.

"He's probably late." Was all he said while he narrowed his eyes when the woman got closer.

"Do you want to go without him or do you want to wait?" He definitely wanted to wait, but he knew the woman wasn't going to accept that for long, but he really needed Shizuo to be there.

"I want to wait." He heard the woman sigh at his answer, but she didn't say anything. She was clearly not satisfied with him. "If you have something against me you can just tell me, I know no one cares, so you telling me something won't hurt more, you know?" Izaya got angry, maybe more at himself than at the woman, but he was still angry.

"That's not what I meant." Izaya narrowed his eyes at her, not trusting a word she said. She was just like all the others, there was no way that she would care for him, since this was just her job.

"Then what did you mean?" The anger still hadn't subsided, but there was also some confusion. Why had he gotten this angry? Was it because Shizuo wasn't here or was it because of his physiotherapist?

"I didn't mean anything by it." The woman still tried to smile, but Izaya could see it was fake.

"Just stop with the pretense, you know you're not caring at all, so why are you even trying?" He wanted to know her true feelings. He needed to know them, even though they would hurt. He knew they would hurt, since he knew nobody cared. Shizuo might be the only one who really cared and Izaya tried to believe in that, but he was still very insecure about that and that the blonde was late right now was definitely not helping.

The woman opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything they heard the door get thrown open and hurried footsteps walking into the room. "Izaya!" Came the voice of Shizuo and Izaya turned around to see the blonde standing there panting and sweating as if he had just run all the way here. "I overslept, I'm so sorry for being late."

Izaya felt a bit relieved at those words. Shizuo had only overslept, it was not because he didn't care. Something like this could happen after all. "It's fine, we were waiting till you got here, right?" He said while he looked at the woman for a moment for confirmation. When she nodded, Izaya focussed his attention back to Shizuo.

"Sorry, I would have been here sooner if I hadn't overslept." Shizuo apologized once more, before walking over to the bed. "Are you ready to go then?"

Izaya knew he would be lying if he told Shizuo that he was ready, but he knew he couldn't complain about it. If he wanted to walk again, he would need to do this. But he was a bit conflicted, would he even need to walk again? Was it really worth all the trouble? It would take a long time and he might not even recover completely.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and when he looked at Shizuo he realized he hadn't even answered the question yet.

"I don't know, but I need to try." Izaya mumbled so soft, it was only heard by Shizuo.

"Yeah, let's try, alright?" The blonde said and gave the raven a gentle look. "Will you be fine getting in the wheelchair yourself or do you need help?" Izaya turned his look to the wheelchair and he felt really insecure suddenly. He hadn't done this for a bit of time, so he was afraid it would go wrong.

Taking a deep breath he nodded curtly and then pulled the blankets off himself. "I will try on my own." He lowered the bed and helped his legs over the edge, before slowly grabbing the wheelchair and standing up slowly. His legs were shaking while he did this, but soon he had turned the right way and he could let himself sink into the wheelchair.

He could move his legs a bit more now, so it had gotten easier, but there was still no strength in his legs and laying down for the past days hadn't done it any good. Izaya could tell when he stood on them for a bit just now.

"Shall we go?" The woman spoke again and with a nod from Izaya the three of them left the room.

xxx

Izaya was exhausted after they were finished, but he didn't feel like going back to his room. "Shizu-chan, I want to go somewhere." Izaya said once they were alone.

"Do you want to go to the roof?" The blonde asked, to which Izaya shook his head.

"I want to go out of the hospital for a bit." Izaya could tell that Shizuo felt insecure about this. "I have normal clothes in my room and we can borrow a wheelchair." Izaya said, but Shizuo still didn't seem convinced. "I want to go to Russia Sushi, eat something and then back, alright?"

"We need to ask first if you can leave the hospital." Izaya scowled at that.

"There's no way they're letting me go." Izaya said and then started sulking. He really wanted to get out of the hospital for a bit.

"Let me try and ask first, alright?" Shizuo didn't receive an answer, but went to one of the nurses anyway.

"Izaya wants to go out of the hospital for a bit, is that alright?" Izaya looked up at the nurse and could almost immediately see the unsure look.

"I don't know, I think it's best that he stays inside the hospital." The woman said, to which Izaya growled.

"I will look after him and we will only get something to eat and then we will be back." Izaya knew Shizuo was trying, but the nurse was definitely not going to give in.

"I don't think it's a wise idea." She just said and this time Izaya couldn't help but comment on it.

"Shizu-chan, I think she thinks I will kill myself if they don't watch me." He saw the nurse flinch when he said that and knew he had hit the nail right on the head.

"Of-of course not." The nurse was stuttering, he had obviously been right.

"I will make sure he won't, so will you let us go?" Shizuo was now growling, clearly irritated by what the woman had been thinking.

"Fine, but I want him back before dinner." They were going out for lunch after all.

"That's fine." Shizuo said and then they went back to Izaya's room to get the raven dressed and into his jacket, before they headed out.

xxx

"Are you really fine, showing your face again?" Shizuo asked once they were outside.

"Yeah, I needed to get out of the hospital for a bit." Izaya answered and looked around at the people who were clearly staring at them. "Seems like we're already getting attention." Izaya mumbled the last thing. Before he would have liked the attention, but he didn't like it right now. He felt as if they were all accusing him for still being alive. Questioning him why he hadn't died yet.

"Don't pay attention to them. Just think about the otoro you will be having in a bit." Shizuo tried to reassure him, but Izaya still didn't like the stares.

"Just hurry, I don't like them staring." Izaya kept his voice low while he told the blonde this.

"Sure, we're almost there, not much farther now." Shizuo said and meanwhile he was throwing angry glares to the people around them, making sure they knew he didn't want them to stare.

"Izaya! Shizuo! Have you come to eat sushi?" Simon's voice greeted them while they were approaching Russia Sushi.

"Yeah, that's right, Izaya wanted to get some sushi." Shizuo said.

"Hello, Simon." Izaya said with a smile plastered on his face, which was obviously fake. "I would like some otoro, I haven't had it for quite some time." It was true, he hadn't gotten any food from outside the hospital for months, which meant he had no way of eating otoro, unless Shizuo brought it, but the blonde hadn't done that lately.

"Of course, what would Shizuo like?" Simon asked while looking at the blonde.

"I would like the usual." Shizuo said and then let Simon lead the two of them inside.

"Could we have a private room, Simon?" Izaya asked to which the Russian looked with an understanding look.

"Of course, just follow me." Simon said and led them further into the restaurant towards the private rooms. "Here, this room is for you." Shizuo pushed Izaya inside and helped the raven sit down at the table. "I will be back soon." Simon told them and then left the room.

"Will you be fine sitting like that? Or do you want to lean against the wall? I can move the table." Shizuo said but Izaya shook his head.

"I might be a bit tired from the physiotherapy, but I will be fine for now, when I get tired I will tell you." Izaya said and he saw the doubt in Shizuo's look, but the blonde didn't say anything about it.

"Simon seemed to react pretty well." Shizuo commented and Izaya nodded at that.

"He probably knew I would rather not talk about it." Izaya said. He was grateful that the russian hadn't asked him any questions. He honestly didn't want to answer anymore of them.

Izaya looked at his wrists for a moment. There were still bandages, but they would be gone soon too and then there would be only scars left to remind him of what he had done. Shizuo clearly noticed what he was thinking, since he grabbed Izaya's hands in his own, so that the raven would look at him.

"It will be fine, I will be here always, so when you're having a hard time I will be able to help you." Shizuo said and Izaya noticed how serious the blonde was looking while he said this.

"Shizuo…" Izaya didn't know what to say, he had been at a loss for words a lot lately and this was once again such a time.

"Izaya, I love you." Izaya's eyes went wide. Had those words really just come from Shizuo? Had the blonde really just confessed to him?

Izaya opened his mouth to answer, to say anything, but he was once again at a loss for words.

"I understand if you don't feel the same or if this is too much for you right now, but I really do love you." Shizuo told him and when Izaya looked into his eyes, he saw the pure love the blonde had for him.

"Shizuo… I…" Before he could finish however, the door opened and Simon walked in with their orders.

"Here is the sushi. Enjoy and no fighting." The man said before leaving the two of them once again alone.

Izaya stared at his otoro for a moment, he knew he had to answer the blonde, give him an answer at least. "I… I don't know, Shizuo." Izaya answered and didn't dare to look up at the blonde, afraid to see a hurt look in those brown eyes.

"It's fine, I can wait." The reply sounded forced, but Izaya didn't comment on it.

They continued eating in silence and afterwards they went back to the hospital and not another word was spoken between them for the rest of the way back.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** Here is chapter 25. Please enjoy reading it and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya had been left alone once they returned to the hospital. It had been awkward between the two of them, so Shizuo had helped him back in his room, but had left afterwards.

Why had the blonde confessed to him? Shizuo should have known that he wouldn't have an answer to it. There was no way he could answer with the conflicted feelings he was having and now he had probably hurt his feelings.

It was probably a wonder if Shizuo ever came back to visit him or to act normal if he did visit him. He would be all alone once again and only because he hadn't been able to answer the blonde's feelings.

Why did Shizuo need to make it so complicated? He should have kept them to himself instead of bothering Izaya with it, but did he really think it was a bother? It proved that Shizuo wasn't helping him out of pity, but he still had another motive.

Did Shizuo really love him? For what he had seen in the blonde's eyes he had meant it, but Izaya had never suspected the blonde to confess his feelings suddenly like that. They had been kissing, that was true, but Izaya just didn't have his feelings straight at the moment.

On one hand he felt like nobody cared and that he was better of not existing at all, but on the other hand there was Shizuo who clearly cared about him and had just confessed to him. Was he really able to go on and trust Shizuo only? Would he be able to give the blonde all of his feelings? Would the blonde even be able to handle him when his thoughts were negative all the time?

He was trying to keep the negative thoughts away, but they were coming back every single time he heard someone say something wrong or if someone acting weird towards him. The trust he ever had in people was completely gone and he had only been able to build a bit for Shizuo and maybe Kururi, since he had told her after all, but he didn't even feel like he would be able to trust Mairu, Haru, Shinra, Celty or anybody else.

And then there were the nightmares he was having almost every night. They weren't leaving him alone at all. The voices of his nightmares were not only haunting him during the nightmare itself, but also during the day. There was a voice in his head constantly telling him negative things and it didn't matter how many times he had told it to shut up, it just didn't.

Panic attacks had been more common, even though Shizuo was able to calm him, but he also had them when the blonde wasn't here and the nurses and doctors had to try and calm him down, which ended in him being sedated most of the time, since they couldn't calm him down.

Izaya hadn't opened his laptop since then, he just didn't dare to look at it, since the messages were probably still on and he was afraid that there were only more messages after those. There was no way that people would ignore such messages.

This made him wonder why Mikado had been here just after his suicide attempt. And Shinra and Celty too, why had they been here? He hadn't asked Shizuo, since he hadn't found it important at the time and had been a bit dazed and sluggish, but now that he thought about it, he was wondering why they had been there.

He could understand Shizuo and maybe the blonde had gone to see Shinra and Celty and they had come together to visit him, but that still didn't explain why Mikado had been there. Especially since he had sent the kid away not too many days before it.

Did Mikado know about everything now? Had he told Kida or Anri? And what about what the boy had seen, he must have seen him panic, so what did he tell the two of them. There was no way Mikado would be able to keep his mouth shut to those two.

At least they hadn't come to visit him yet, but he was scared of the fact that they could know. They would just be another set of people who could mock him, knowing what was really wrong with him.

Izaya honestly hoped that they didn't know, but he was unsure about it, since Mikado probably knew and if he wanted he could tell them.

Realizing that thinking about it right didn't do any good, he decided to ask it Shizuo when he came here again, even though he didn't know how long that would take.

xxx

The next day, Shizuo hadn't come and Izaya had to do the physiotherapy on his own with the physiotherapist. At first he had waited, but when it took too long, they had decided to just get over with and had gone with the two of them. It was definitely not the same as when Shizuo was there and now he only had the woman to pick him up when he fell down, who was a lot weaker than Shizuo was.

Izaya knew he had lost a bit of weight since this all started, but it had still been quite hard for the woman to help him back in the wheelchair. He was already missing Shizuo with that, who could just pick him up and place him in the chair.

He felt a lot more tired now too, since the woman hadn't been as much as a support as Shizuo was and it bothered him a bit. Why hadn't the blonde come to see him? He had told him yesterday that it was fine, so why hadn't he come?

Did Shizuo think that it would be awkward between them or did he not want to see Izaya, since he had rejected him? Had he really hurt the blonde that much? Was it hard for the blonde to come here now without showing the hurt on his face? Did he do it for Izaya? But this didn't do the raven any good. Izaya was doubting himself now more than ever. Had he really just hurt the one person he thought he could trust? Had he really just ruined everything that was helping him?

What if the blonde didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore? What if Shizuo was going to leave him all on his own now? Would he be able to do everything on his own? There was no way he could. He already depended too much on Shizuo, so there was no way he would be able to do this without the blonde. Why wasn't Shizuo here? He really needed him right now. Why had he even told the blonde that he didn't know? He should have just given him the answer that it was fine, that he felt the same. Everything to keep the blonde at his side. Didn't Shizuo realize he couldn't be without him anymore?

Izaya didn't hear the door open while his thoughts were going on without stopping. He didn't hate the blonde, at least not anymore, if he had ever hated him. But did he like him? Could he really tell the blonde he liked him? Would he mean it if he did?

"Izaya…" Izaya got taken out of his thoughts when his name reached his ears. He turned his head in the direction where the sound had come from and couldn't believe his eyes at first.

He had been so sure that Shizuo wouldn't come to him anymore and yet he was standing there. Izaya couldn't find any words to say and just kept staring at the figure standing a bit from him.

"I'm sorry for this morning." Shizuo said and had turned his look to the floor. Izaya realized he was still staring at the blonde full of disbelieve and realized that he should be reacting.

"Don't worry about that." He mumbled. He could forgive the blonde, he was here now after all. He hadn't left him alone. "Shizuo…" Izaya started and this time the blonde lifted his head to look at him. "I'm sorry for yesterday."

Shizuo snorted for a bit and then walked closer to the raven. "No need to apologize, it was my fault for confessing like that." Shizuo said, but Izaya could see a hint of sadness in the blonde's eyes and he definitely looked tired, like he hadn't slept at all.

"No, I am sorry. It just came as a surprise." Izaya knew it had been a surprise for him, but he knew he should have expected it. The kisses had been signs and the hugs too, but he had just chosen not to think about it. "I have been thinking about it a lot." He added, but then didn't know what to say.

"It's fine to take your time." The blonde tried to encourage him.

"You see, I think I feel something for you, but my thoughts and feelings are all messed up right now and I'm afraid I'm not good enough for you." It was true, he didn't see himself as someone who deserved to be with Shizuo. Shizuo could definitely get someone better than him and when the blonde had forgotten about his feelings for him, he would probably be on his own, but that was fine. There was no way he was going to tell Shizuo that he needed him.

"You're more than good enough for me." Shizuo said and Izaya couldn't help the surprised look on his face.

"That's not true, you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like me."

"I told you I'm fine with you, don't you want me too? Or am I not good enough for you?" No that was not the case! Shizuo was too good for him, that was the problem here. Shizuo didn't deserve him.

"You're too good for me and whether I want you or not is not important." Izaya said, but he knew he had said the wrong thing when he saw the hurt in the blonde's eyes. His heart clenched painfully, but when he opened his mouth, no sound came out.

"You should think about what you want yourself and tell me honestly!" Shizuo sounded desperate and Izaya was trying to find the words to tell the blonde. Would he really be able to tell Shizuo that he needed him? He didn't want to, but it seemed like the blonde wanted to hear it.

"I want you." Izaya mumbled in the end, still not telling the blonde that he needed him too, but this should be fine right. Suddenly he felt arms around his upper body and he looked up to see the blonde's happy face.

"Thank you." Were the two words the blonde said before kissing the raven full. Izaya kissed him back this time. He hadn't done it the last time, but now he felt like he could.

There was still a lot he had to overcome and of course he needed to find a way to get rid of the negative thoughts and the voice, but for now he let Shizuo kiss him and make him feel wanted.

They separated when they needed to breath and looked at each other. "What are we now?" Izaya asked softly. He didn't know if he was ready to call it a relationship yet, but he wondered if the blonde wanted it.

"It doesn't need to be dating yet, we can wait a bit to make it official." Shizuo said and Izaya was glad that he thought about it like that.

"I would like that." Izaya said. He felt like he wouldn't be able to date Shizuo properly until he had got himself sorted out properly.

"Shizuo, I wanted to ask you something." He said, remembering that he wanted to ask the blonde about Mikado.

"What is it?"

"Why was Mikado here last time?" Izaya saw the confused look on Shizuo's face and added: "The kid."

"Ah him, he was at Shinra's place when we decided to come and visit you, so he tagged along." Shizuo replied. Izaya could tell that the blonde was hiding something, but he let it slip for now, not deeming it that important.

"What does he know?" This was something Izaya needed to know.

"He came in together with me, Shinra and Celty when you, you know." Shizuo's look had gone down to Izaya's wrists, which told Izaya enough.

"Oh." The raven said. So Mikado had seen him slitting his wrists… Great, let's hope he didn't tell anything about it.

"Don't worry about it, the kid wouldn't tell anyone." Shizuo told him and it made Izaya feel a bit better. He just hoped that Shizuo was right.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Chapter 26 is here. I'm thinking of taking a break tomorrow, so there will probably be no chapter tomorrow. Anyway, enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya had hoped that Shizuo would be right, but he wasn't so sure about it himself. He didn't feel like he could trust Mikado, which made it hard to believe that the kid would keep his mouth shut, especially to Kida and Anri, since the three of them were pretty close.

There was one way he would probably be able to find out about what they were thinking and that would be if he went back to the chat, but that meant starting his laptop again, which he hadn't done since that incident.

He knew his laptop would still be on the same page if he opened it, so he didn't really want to do it. He could also ask Celty to find out what they knew in the chat, but that meant that she had to ask about it, which would raise suspicion.

It would probably be better to just do it himself, but the next problem was that his laptop was placed out of reach, probably by Shizuo, since the blonde clearly knew it had been the reason he had been feeling bad.

He looked to the laptop and then at the distance he would need to walk to get there. There weren't any supporting bars like usual, so it would be harder, but to use the wheelchair just for this, was not something he was planning to do.

It should be fine right? It was a small distance, it was probably harder to get back, since he would be carrying the laptop, but he could at least try.

Pulling the sheets to the side, he lowered the bed till he would be able to touch the ground with his feet while he was still sitting on the bed.

When it was low enough, he helped his legs over the edge of the bed and let his feet touch the cold ground. He knew he should have something to wear on his feet somewhere, but he didn't see it anywhere close, so he decided to go without.

The next step would be harder. There was a chair in front of him, which he could use to lift himself up of the bed, but then it would be tricky if he would be able to keep standing.

Taking a deep breath, Izaya stretched his arms out and grabbed the chair, before starting to pull himself up. He had been practicing this out of the wheelchair, so he was able to lift himself up.

Now came the hardest part, the walking itself. Izaya could feel his legs shaking from the effort to keep him up, but he knew he needed to go on. Slowly he placed one foot forward, still holding onto the chair, then slowly the next.

"What are you doing?" A voice got him out of his concentration to which he lost his balance and he fell to the ground. Growling in frustration, Izaya could hear footsteps approaching him and when he looked up he saw Mikado looking down at him.

"Why did you have to start talking?" Izaya growled, not really pleased with the fact that the boy had taken him out of his concentration.

"I was wondering if you should be walking by yourself, you didn't look that steady." The boy answered, which caused Izaya to narrow his eyes at him.

"Someone placed my laptop out of reach, so I was just trying to get it." He ignored the fact that Mikado had said anything about him being unsteady.

"I will get it for you." Mikado said and walked over to grab the laptop. "Do you need help getting back?" Izaya shook his head furiously. There was no way he was going to accept the help from the kid.

Izaya ignored Mikado and grabbed the chair once more, placing his feet underneath him and tried to pull himself up off the ground, but he hadn't done this before yet, since Shizuo had been helping him every single time, so he didn't succeed in getting himself back in a standing position.

Why wouldn't his body listen to him? He had been trying for months already to get it back to working properly, but yet again it was betraying him.

His laptop got placed on the table beside his bed and then he noticed Mikado getting closer to him. "I don't need you help." Izaya growled and tried to lift himself once again, but when he felt himself fallen back to the ground again he felt two arms catching him and helping him into a standing position.

"That's all I will do, unless you need more?" Mikado asked, but Izaya shook his head and slowly went a few steps back to the bed before sitting down on it. He helped his legs back on the bed and then pulled the sheets over him once more.

Since Mikado was here now, he didn't need his laptop for now, but he could ask the kid to close the page on his laptop.

"What did you come here for?" Izaya asked first.

"I wanted to know how you were doing after last time." It was clear that the kid felt a bit uncomfortable about what he had seen. Izaya couldn't really blame him.

"Sorry that you had to see that." Izaya mumbled, not really wanting to apologize, but he did it anyway.

"Ah, no, don't be." Mikado tried to say, but Izaya could tell that the kid was still uncomfortable.

"Can you help me with something?" Izaya hated that he had to ask Mikado to do this for him, but he knew he couldn't ask Shizuo, since the blonde wasn't really the best one with electronics and he didn't want his laptop to break if the blonde got frustrated.

"Sure, what can I do for you?"

"Can you close that page on my laptop? You know which one I mean." Izaya said and then grabbed his laptop starting it up and then entering his password before handing it over to Mikado without looking at it.

"Ah sure." Izaya watched Mikado carefully while the boy moved his hands over his laptop, before clicking and then giving the laptop back.

"Thanks, I guessed you would know, since you're the Dollars' founder." Izaya said and then looked over to his laptop.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I already threw them out." Mikado said, which made Izaya look up in surprise.

"You threw them out?"

"Yes, as the founder I can at least do that."

"Never thought you would do that for someone like me." Izaya chuckled a bit.

"I would do it for anyone, including you, but Shizuo-san asked me to help as much as I could." Mikado said.

"He did? That surprises me, so he was hiding something when he told me about why you were together with him last time." Izaya was surprised, but he could understand now why he had asked for help.

"Yeah, he did, even though I hadn't expected that to happen when I came with him, but I see that you're better now." Izaya knew the last part wasn't true, since he was trying his hardest to pretend for Mikado that he was doing better right now, but there was constantly a voice in the back of his head telling him that everything Mikado said wasn't real and that it wasn't what the boy really meant.

"I'm dealing with it." Was the answer that he gave the boy. "Did you tell anyone about this?" Izaya really wanted to know that part. He neede to know if the boy had told Kida or Anri.

"I didn't. I didn't tell Masaomi or Sonohara-san if that's what you meant." Izaya hoped he was speaking the truth, but there was no way he could know for sure unless he talked to Kida or Anri himself, possibly through the chat.

 _He's only telling you what you want to hear, there's no way he could have kept it a secret from those two._ The voice in his head kept telling him, but Izaya tried to ignore it.

"That's good, they don't need to know." Izaya told him. _You don't want them to know, but what if they already know?_ Izaya shook his head trying to keep the voice out.

"Orihara-san? What's wrong?" He heard Mikado say, but Izaya was too focussed on the voice now. _Do you hear the fakeness behind his words? There's no way he can mean what he's saying._ He wanted the voice to shut up.

Izaya grabbed his hair with his hands and grabbed it tightly. "Orihara-san?" _Did you really think that anyone would ever be concerned about you?_

"Shut up!" Izaya didn't notice how Mikado flinched at his side and was helplessly looking like he didn't know what to do. _Now the kid is suddenly silent, obviously he is not here to help you._

"Shut up! SHUT UP!" The last part was yelled and Izaya gripped his hair only tighter, till it was hurting him, but he didn't care. He would do anything to stop the voice from talking, anything.

xxx

Mikado didn't know what to do, there was clearly something happening with Izaya, but he didn't know what. He didn't even know what he could do to help the man in front of him, since this didn't seem to be a panic attack, but something else. It was at least not the same as last time.

He was almost standing up to get the doctor, since he would probably know what to do when the door opened and Mikado saw Heiwajima Shizuo walking in. He saw the man look around the room and rest his eyes on Izaya, before letting his gaze travel to Mikado.

"What happened?" Shizuo growled, clearly not pleased that something had happened to Izaya again.

"I-I don't k-know." Mikado stammered, the blonde's glare was pretty intense. "He suddenly became like this while we were talking." Mikado hoped that Shizuo wouldn't kill him, since it was clear that the blonde was angry at him, but it seemed like it disappeared as he saw the blonde coming over to Izaya.

"Izaya?" This didn't seem to get a reaction from the raven, but them Shizuo wrapped his arms around the raven and held him there till Mikado could see Izaya calming down.

"Izaya, look at me." Shizuo said and Mikado could see the raven slowly lifting his head to look at the blonde. "Everything is fine, alright? I'm here now, so please don't do that."

"Shizu-chan, I'm sorry." Izaya slowly mumbled.

"It's alright, I told you it was fine, already." Shizuo said and slowly began stroking the raven's hair.

"I'm tired, Shizu-chan." Mikado looked surprised that Izaya would admit it, but Shizuo complied and laid the raven down on the bed, before pulling up the blankets and then turning his attention back to Mikado.

"Do you have any more business with Izaya?" Mikado felt as if he was being accused of driving Izaya into that state, but he decided not to comment on it and to just shake his head.

"No, I'm done here, I was just about to leave anyway." Mikado told the blonde before he stood up from the chair and headed out of the room.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** Chapter 27 is here. It is a bit smaller than the others, but I hope you will still enjoy reading it. I am taking a break for a few days, the next chapter will be in the weekend at the latest. Please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

A month had gone by and Izaya was physically getting better. He could already walk small distances with a bit of support, but that was nothing more than in his room, outside his room was something he couldn't handle yet.

He was trying to be able to walk without any support, but it still proved a bit too hard. Even though he was still trying with Shizuo helping him. He had something to support him while walking, but using Shizuo was a bit easier.

Mentally was a different matter and he knew it himself. He had a hard time trusting anyone and the only one he completely trusted was Shizuo. He was still having nightmares sometimes and panic attacks were still happening too.

Shizuo helped him get through them and calmed him down, but somehow he hated being so dependent on the blonde. It felt like Shizuo couldn't do anything for himself like this and he knew the blonde had been working less and less for Tom, which Izaya really didn't want to happen.

Not to mention that he himself hadn't taken any new jobs, since he had to hand the last one over to Namie after everything that happened. It was clear that he wasn't fit to work again if he couldn't keep himself together and that had been the reason why he hadn't gotten another job.

He was wondering when he would be able to leave the hospital, since he felt pretty fine physically and mentally was not something he needed to stay for in the hospital as long as he had someone to watch him at home probably. Which meant that he needed to rely on someone, which he really didn't want to do.

He was still talking with the psychiatrist, since it did help him a bit and Shizuo was happy with him talking to one. But talking to the psychiatrist didn't take away the nightmares or the panic attacks, it was probably something he would need to learn to live with, but it wasn't easy and he knew this wasn't going to disappear as long as he kept distrusting people. It might even get worse once he was out of the hospital again.

xxx

Currently he was sitting on his bed, having his laptop in his lap. He had slowly started looking again on the internet, but he hadn't dared to go back to the Dollars' site yet. He was still afraid of the messages, even though Mikado had told him that the ones who had posted the messages were gone.

He had the feeling that there would still be others who thought the same and would just start saying it once he got back on that site. He had gone to chatroom once, but nobody had been there. He would have liked to talk to them again without them visiting here.

He honestly didn't want people to visit him, they would see him again once he was out, too many people had already seen him like this and now that his trust was almost non-existent he only trusted Shizuo to come here.

"Orihara-san?" Izaya got taken out of his thoughts by the voice of the doctor who had been attending to him since he had gotten into the hospital. "I wanted to discuss some things with you." Izaya didn't really like talking to the doctor alone, but he knew he should be able to trust the man even if he didn't feel like he could.

"What did you want to talk about?" Izaya asked and closed his laptop before putting it beside him.

"Your recovery has been going well lately and I wanted to talk to you about when you would be ready to leave." Izaya had known that this conversation was coming.

"What about it?" He decided to let the doctor come first with his idea.

"Ah, you see, once you're able to walk a bit of distance on your own, we're planning on discharging you, but this doesn't mean that you're completely done yet. You will need to come back for physiotherapy and of course also for psychiatrist." Did the doctor really need to mention the last bit? "There are however some advices we will give you, since we can't just let you go out of here without someone watching over you and helping you." There it came, just as he had expected.

"So you want someone to watch me so I won't do anything stupid?" Izaya asked while narrowing his eyes at the doctor. It was clear that the doctor was accusing him of still being suicidal.

"You need someone to be there if you have a panic attack or if something happens while you're walking and something goes wrong." The doctor tried to bring it nicely, but Izaya already knew what the doctor's real concern was.

"You're just afraid of me killing myself." Izaya growled, but before the doctor could answer Izaya saw Shizuo entering through the door. "Shizu-chan, great timing, we were just talking about what happens when I get discharged."

"Are you getting discharged soon then?" Shizuo asked with a frown on his face.

"Not until he is able to walk a bit on his own." The doctor answered while he looked at the blonde approaching them. "We were just talking about some advices I was giving Orihara-san for when he gets discharged."

"What advice?" It was clear that Shizuo wasn't in a good mood right now.

"He wants me to have a suicide watch." Izaya told the blonde and he could see that Shizuo's frown deepened even further.

"That was not the reason I told you." The doctor told the both of them. "I told you it was because you need someone to help you with the panic attacks and possibly for if something goes wrong while you're walking on your own."

"So a suicide watch is what you mean right?" Izaya really didn't like this doctor. The man was clearly talking about preventing suicide, but he just wouldn't admit it.

"So he just needs someone to watch him and be there for him?" Shizuo suddenly asked, surprising the other two in the room. Izaya hadn't expected the blonde to sound so calm.

"I already have Namie." Izaya said fast, since he knew what Shizuo was meaning with those words.

"But she will only be there during the day right? And probably not everyday either." Shizuo pointed out and Izaya knew he was right. "I could do the rest, I will work for Tom in the time Namie is with you." Izaya had known this proposal was coming and he didn't like it.

"But you have already missed a lot of work." Izaya said, but the blonde only shook his head.

"It's fine, Tom understands." Shizuo said.

"Seems like it won't be a problem them, just know that this means watching him every single hour, so that means you will probably need to live together." The doctor said before standing up. "I will make the arrangements and once you're able to walk properly you will be able to leave." With that the doctor left leaving the two of them alone in the room.

"Do you really want to do this Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked while looking at the blonde.

"Yeah, already expected we would need to live together." Shizuo mumbled.

"We're living at my apartment." Izaya said, there was just no way he was going to live at Shizuo's.

"That's fine, since that will be easier for your assistant too." Shizuo said.

"Never thought we would be living together." Izaya mumbled and he could see Shizuo smiling.

"Me neither, but let's make the best of it, alright? Just see it as living together and nothing else." Shizuo said and Izaya could only nod. Shizuo leaned down and slowly kissed Izaya on the lips. Izaya responded with kissing back and when he felt Shizuo's tongue trying to pry open his lips he opened them and let the blonde in.

Closing his eyes, Izaya felt himself melt while the blonde started kissing him more forceful. A small moan escaped Izaya's lips and he felt his hands coming up and around Shizuo's neck.

Suddenly they heard something fall to the ground and the both of them broke the kiss to look at what had happened.

A nurse had come in carrying what was probably Izaya's food and had dropped it to the floor when she had seen the two kissing.

"Ah… Sorry… Ehm, I will get you some other food." The nurse said and grabbed the stuff from the ground before leaving as fast as she could.

"Seems like we won't be able to get further here." Shizuo mumbled. Izaya couldn't help but start laughing.

"We will have all the time once we get to my apartment." Izaya suddenly realised what he said and his face turned a beetred.

"Oh? So you are willing to go further?" He could tell that Shizuo was teasing him.

"I didn't say that, just that there is no one to interrupt us at my apartment." Izaya mumbled.

"Still seems like you want to go further."

"Shut up." Izaya knew he didn't mean it, but he was just a bit scared to go further with the blonde. He felt like he would be giving himself fully once he had gone all the way with Shizuo and something in him wanted to keep that last barrier up.

"We will go at your pace, don't worry." Shizuo said and then stood up to his full length. "Seems like your dinner will come back soon, so do you want to do something while we wait?" Shizuo said, but Izaya shook his head.

"Nah, let's not scare them again." Izaya said while smirking. Shizuo couldn't help but feel a bit relieved seeing that familiar smirk back on the raven's face. It had been quite sometime since he had last seen it.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** Here is chapter 28. I will try to post every day from now on again, I don't think there will be many more chapters to come. I hope you don't hate me for ending this chapter here, but this will be continued in the next chapter. Please enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Another month had gone by and Izaya was finally able to walk small distances without any help. It would still not be enough to be able to walk through Ikebukuro on his own, but it would at least be enough to send him home. At least he hoped it would. The doctor had said after all that he could leave once he could walk and honestly he was tired of the hospital.

The first time he came here had been in september and now it was already May, not to mention his 25th birthday was tomorrow. They might even send him home as a birthday gift.

Shizuo was going to live with him then, since the doctor wanted him to have someone to watch him at all times. Namie had first been against it, but in the end she accepted it and she would be taking care of him during the day, while Shizuo would do it at other times.

Now that he was able to walk for a bit again, he really wanted to go to the rooftop on his own, but the question was if he would be able to.

He could always try right? He couldn't walk fast yet, but he would definitely come there if he really wanted to.

Taking the blankets off he slowly turned around in the bed till he could touch the ground with his feet. He slipped on some slippers and then slowly pushed himself from the bed to a standing position.

Now that he was standing he stretched for a bit before slowly walking out the room. Out of the room he looked around if there was anyone watching him leave, but when he didn't see anyone he kept walking as fast as he could to the elevator.

After taking the elevator he found himself all alone on the roof, no one was there. Izaya was fine with him being here alone, there would be no one to see him like this and no one to ask what he had.

There was a soft breeze blowing and it felt good to be out of his room for once or even out of the building for that matter.

He walked over to the railing and leaned on it while looking down at the people walking there. It had been awhile since he had been able to look down on people like this, but he hadn't really missed it.

He didn't trust people as much anymore and looking at them wasn't as satisfactory any longer. He was mostly interested in Shizuo now, since he felt like he was the only one he could completely trust.

Izaya didn't know how long he had been up here, but he could hear someone approaching from behind after a while. He recognized the footsteps as Shizuo's since he had heard them too many times already that he couldn't forget them.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing here?" Izaya said without turning round.

"You weren't in your room, so your doctor asked me to look for you since he wanted to discuss your discharge." Shizuo answered to which Izaya turned around to look at him.

"Did he mention when?" Izaya asked.

"No, but I think it will be soon, so let's go back alright?" Shizuo said.

"Sure." Was all Izaya said before he walked back to the elevator to go back to his room.

xxx

Once back in the room they saw the doctor waiting for them.

"There you are Orihara-san, I was already wondering where you had gone to." The doctor said as a greeting.

"I just went to rooftop." Izaya answered curtly. "So what was it you wanted to talk about?" Izaya walked over to his bed and said down on it while looking at the doctor.

"I wanted to tell you that you can be discharged tomorrow." The doctor announced and Izaya nodded at that. "Seems like tomorrow's your birthday too, so it can be a birthday gift if you see it that way." Izaya honestly hated the business smile the doctor was putting on right now.

"It's just a birthday." Even though he said that he honestly felt relieved that he had made it to 25. His life could have ended before he had even gotten the chance to reach it, but seems like he had been lucky enough.

"You need to still visit the physiotherapist and the psychiatrist, but besides that you're free to do what you want." The doctor said and then stood up and left the two of them alone in the room.

"So you're getting discharged tomorrow?" Shizuo said with a slight smile.

"Seems like it." Izaya said.

"Shall we celebrate it together with your birthday? We could go to Russia Sushi." Shizuo proposed and that made Izaya smile a little.

"Sure, I want to go there too and afterwards we can go back to my home." Izaya said.

"Alright, I will make sure to have my stuff there already, so I should better go, see you tomorrow." Shizuo said and then left Izaya alone in his room.

xxx

The next day came pretty quickly and Izaya was packing his last stuff when Shizuo came inside the room.

"Are almost ready to go?" Shizuo asked. Izaya had already signed the right papers, so he was free to go as soon as he was finished.

"Yeah, just packing the last things." Izaya said before grabbing the last thing before putting it in the back and closing it. He wanted to pick it up himself, but before he could Shizuo had already grabbed the handle and lifted it off the ground.

"I could have carried it." Izaya pouted, but he knew Shizuo wouldn't allow it.

"I will carry it, you focus on walking to Russia Sushi." The blonde said and Izaya could only nod at that.

"Shall we go then?" Izaya said before walking out of the room and not much later out of the hospital.

"I hope I will never have to stay there for that long again." Izaya said. The last time had been around half a year that he had had to stay and he definitely wasn't planning on letting that happen again.

"I hope so too, since I definitely didn't like you being in there for so long." Shizuo said and Izaya felt his face heat up a bit at those words.

"Let's just go to Russia sushi." Izaya mumbled and walked on till they were finally there.

"Izaya, Shizuo, good to see you." Simon's voice sounded.

"Good to see you too Simon." Izaya said and Shizuo nodded.

"Are you here to eat Sushi?" The russian asked.

"Yeah, we are, we're celebrating." Shizuo answered and Izaya send him a glare at that. Why did the blonde have to mention that?

"Celebrating? Then you need to eat sushi." Simon said and motioned for the two of them to get inside.

"Can we have a private room?" Izaya decided to ask and Simon nodded before leading them to a room.

Once inside the room, Izaya said down on one side while Shizuo said down on the other after placing the bag down.

"Same order as always?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, for me Otoro." Izaya answered and Shizuo just nodded.

"I will be back with your orders shortly then." The russian said before leaving the two of them alone.

"You didn't need to tell him that we're celebrating." Izaya said.

"I thought he could know." Shizuo mumbled.

"Luckily he didn't ask what we were celebrating."

"We could have just told him that it's your birthday." Shizuo said, but Izaya didn't really want to tell anyone about his birthday or the discharge. Only the people who knew that he was in the hospital needed to know.

"We could have, but I would rather not." Izaya said a bit irritated. Before anyone could say anything more the door opened and Simon walked in with the sushi.

"You two shouldn't be fighting." Simon said before leaving.

The two of them didn't say anything more, but just ate in silence.

xxx

Once they had finished eating they had gone back to Izaya's apartment. Now they were inside and Shizuo had placed the back down.

"I'm going to shower first." Izaya said and left the blonde in the living room while heading to the bathroom.

Stepping inside he stripped his clothes off and started the shower before stepping inside. The warm water that hit his skin felt good and he felt honestly glad that he was finally back in his own home. No doctors or nurses that were watching him all day long. He could do what he wanted himself.

Closing his eyes, he didn't notice the door opening and closing. He didn't notice the footsteps closing in on him either.

Suddenly Izaya felt a presence near him and he opened his eyes to look who it was. His heart racing, afraid that it was someone he didn't know, but his heartbeat only quickened when he saw a naked Shizuo standing there.

"Can I join you?" Izaya didn't know what to say, so he only nodded slowly, stepping aside a bit before letting the blonde in.

"Why did you come here?" Izaya asked and looked up at the blonde now standing before him.

"I wanted to shower with you." Shizuo said and Izaya could see a slight blush appearing on the blonde's face.

"You mean you wanted to see me naked?" A small smirk had appeared on Izaya's face.

"I guess." Shizuo wanted to look away, but Izaya prevented it by grabbing his face and dragging him down before he could kiss the blonde on the lips.

At first it was a soft kiss, but soon Shizuo deepened the kiss and pressed his tongue past Izaya's lips. Izaya allowed him to and opened his mouth while putting his tongue in too.

A small moan escaped Izaya's lips and he could already feel his knees getting weak. He would have probably collapsed if the blonde hadn't just put his arms around him.

"Shizu-chan, I don't want to do it here." Izaya said between kisses and as an answer Shizuo turned off the shower and picked the informant up.

"Let me down Shizu-chan! I can walk." But Shizuo just ignored him and took him to the bedroom before placing him on top of it. Izaya wanted to tell him to get dry, but decided against it once the blonde started kissing him again.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:** Chapter 29, next chapter will probably be the last. Anyway, please enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

Izaya opened his mouth, so that the blonde could enter his tongue once more. As soon as the blonde noticed that Izaya opened his mouth the blonde let his tongue slip inside and started kissing the raven more forcefully.

Luckily there would be no disturbance this time, since the last time in the hospital had been quite awkward.

Shizuo broke the kiss and looked down at the raven, whose cheeks were painted red. Shizuo couldn't help a smile appearing on his face. "You're beautiful." Izaya only blushed harder at this and averted his gaze.

Shizuo smirked and then went down again, kissing the raven first on the lips and then slowly going down to his neck, where he kissed and nipped at the exposed skin.

"Hn." Izaya tried to hold his moans back while the blonde bit his skin, leaving hickeys behind. He could already feel himself getting more aroused.

The blonde went lower down the raven's neck, till he was at the collarbone, where he bit down a bit harder, this time Izaya couldn't keep back a moan and Shizuo looked up with a smirk at that.

"Do you like me doing that?" But all he received was a glare from the raven and slight pants which were escaping his mouth.

Shizuo started sliding his hands down the raven's chest till they reached the pink nipples. grabbing the right one between his fingers, Shizuo gave it a small squeeze.

"Ah!" Izaya couldn't hold the moan from escaping.

Shizuo kept watching the raven's reactions while he lowered his mouth on the left nipple and started sucking on it, before biting it softly.

"Ah! Shi-Shizu-chan!" Izaya couldn't keep his voice down.

Shizuo let his free hand go down to the raven's growing erection and grabbed it first softly and gave it a few strokes before grabbing it a bit harder and stroking a bit harder too. Meanwhile he kept playing with the raven's nipples.

Izaya couldn't stop the moans now and kept letting them out while his pleasure was building. He could feel himself getting close and now he tried to pry the blonde away from his chest while pushing against the blonde's chest softly. He didn't have much strength, so the blonde didn't budge.

"Shizu-chan… I'm going… to… come." Izaya said between moans and pants. He honestly wanted the blonde to get off too, but it seemed like the blonde was going to let him come first.

"It's fine to come, Izaya." Shizuo said and that was all Izaya needed before he went over the edge and shot semen all over his stomach and Shizuo's hand.

He saw the blonde smirking a bit, before the blonde brought his hand up and licked at the white semen, cleaning his hand.

"Don't do that." Izaya said, while turning even redder if that was possible.

"Is it embarrassing?" Shizuo really couldn't stop teasing the raven. He really looked too cute like this.

"Just get going already." Izaya growled once his breathing had gotten a bit better. The blonde only smiled, before leaning once again towards the raven to kiss him on the lips again. Izaya tried to push the blonde away, he really felt like Shizuo should think about himself too.

Seeing as he couldn't push away, he reached down, trying to grab the blonde's member and succeeded in grabbing it before he started stroking it lightly.

Shizuo broke the kiss when he felt the raven start to pump his erect member. He reached down with his hands and pried the raven's hands away before pinning them above Izaya's head with one of his hands.

Izaya tried to get his arms out of the blonde's grasp, but he didn't succeed, since the blonde was a lot stronger.

Shizuo noticed the struggling, but kept the raven pinned and went down with his mouth to suck once again on one of the raven's nipples. This got him a small moan from the raven and Shizuo noticed that the raven was already getting hard again.

"Do you have any lube?" Shizuo asked, since they would definitely need that.

"In… the bedside… table." Izaya panted and now his arms got released, while the blonde searched the bedside table, looking for he lube Izaya told him about. Once he found it he grabbed it and opened the cap of the bottle, before putting some of it on his fingers.

Shizuo moved his hand down to the raven's hole and rubbed it with one finger. "Are you ready?" A small nod was all he received, but it was enough.

Shizuo slowly pushed one finger inside and he could feel Izaya tense up a bit. "Try to relax." He told the raven and waited till the raven did for a bit and then started to move his finger slowly.

Once he felt like the raven was used to one finger he put in another and started scissoring the raven's ass. At last he put a third finger in, which made the raven squirm a bit uncomfortably. Shizuo stopped when he noticed this and looked up at Izaya.

"Just… go on." The raven panted and Shizuo did as he was asked before moving the three fingers in and out. He curled his fingers upwards for a bit, trying to find the spot he was looking for.

"AH!" Izaya cried out when he felt the blonde's fingers move over a place, which was probably where his prostate was. "Keep… hitting… there." Izaya panted and the blonde complied while he went over it a few more times before he pulled his fingers out, which earned him a small whimper from the raven at the loss.

"Don't worry, soon you will have something better." Shizuo said with a smirk and started coating his member with lube, before positioning himself before the raven's entrance. "I will go slow alright?" Izaya could only nod and couldn't help but keep his breath when the blonde started pushing the head in. Shizuo was definitely bigger than three fingers and Izaya could already feel pain starting to form in his ass.

Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes, while Shizuo pushed in further and Izaya couldn't help but let out another whimper, this time from pain.

As soon as Shizuo heard the whimper he stopped and looked to see that there were tears streaming down the raven's face. "Are you alright?" Shizuo asked out of concern.

"Just… keep… going." Izaya panted and Shizuo hesitated for a bit before starting to push himself in again.

Once he was finally fully sheathed he waited for the raven to adjust to his size, since he didn't want to hurt Izaya anymore than he had already done.

"You… can… move now." Izaya panted and Shizuo started pulling out slowly before pushing in again. He started with a slow pace, trying to find the right angle in which he could hit the raven's prostate.

"Ah! There!" Izaya could feel the blonde hitting his prostate and he felt the pleasure overcoming the pain when the blonde hit that spot.

Shizuo angled himself to that spot and started thrusting faster now, hitting the spot every time, making the raven see white with pleasure.

Izaya felt the familiar pressure building in his lower abdomen and when Shizuo started stroking him once again, Izaya knew he was close.

"Shizu-chan… I'm... getting close." Izaya panted and he could feel the blonde's thrusts become more frantically, indicating that he was getting close too.

"I'm close too." The blonde grunted and started picking up the pace a bit more.

"I'm cumming, Shizu-chan!" Izaya screamed when he came first.

Shizuo followed soon, feeling Izaya's walls clenching on his member, he couldn't hold out any longer and came into the raven's ass.

Both men were panting and Shizuo pulled out slowly, before collapsing beside the raven. Izaya felt tired and he was already closing his eyes when he snuggled into Shizuo.

Shizuo wrapped his arms around the raven and held him closer before closing his eyes too and soon falling asleep.

xxx

Izaya opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times before he could look at where he was. He wasn't in the hospital anymore and this was definitely his own room, not to mention there was something warm beside him.

Turning his head to the warm source, he saw familiar blonde hair and everything that happened last night came back to him, making his face red once again. That definitely explained why his body was feeling sore.

Izaya slid out of the blonde's arms and slowly went over to the edge of the bed before sitting up, wincing a bit at the pain in his ass, but it wasn't that bad. Slowly he pushed himself into a standing position, but what he hadn't expected was that his legs were still weak from the night before and collapsed under him.

A small sound of surprise left his lips while he tumbled to the ground. It was clear that his legs hadn't recovered yet and he didn't have the strength back yet. He hoped it would be soon though, since it would be awkward to let the blonde see him like this.

"Izaya? What are you doing on the floor?" A sleepy voice asked from behind him and he turned around to see Shizuo looking down at him.

Izaya could see the blonde was naked and couldn't help but blush at the sight. "I was planning on taking a bath, but seems like I have no strength." Izaya said softly while blushing.

"Ah, sorry, I must have been a bit rough." The blonde said before slipping out of the bed. "Shall I help you with the bath?" The blonde proposed and Izaya could only nod.

Shizuo picked up the raven and carried him to the bathroom, before placing him in the bathtub and starting to run the water.

"Will you be fine on your own?" Shizuo asked.

"Yeah." With that the blonde left the raven alone in the bath. Izaya let the water get up till a comfortable height and then turned the water off.

The warm water really helped soothe his muscles and he was already feeling better. He still didn't believe that they had done it as soon as they had gotten to his apartment. He knew the blonde had wanted to do it since that time at the hospital, but he hadn't expected it to be yesterday.

Not that he minded though, he felt satisfied with it and was glad that the blonde really did seem to care about him. It might not be that hard to start trusting some people again, but he knew that would be taking time.

He just hoped that everything would go right from now on, since he didn't think he would be able to handle another setback.

He knew that Shizuo would help him and that was all he needed right now.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:** Here is chapter 30 and it's the last chapter of this story. Sorry for not updating yesterday, but I had a lot of trouble with getting to my university and back with the trains and busses, so I didn't feel like writing after all of that. Anyway, please enjoy reading the last chapter and please review and tell me what you thought about the story.

 **Summary:** Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

* * *

It had taken a few more months before Izaya had been able to walk properly again. Running was still not going too well, but he was doing it a bit every day and he was getting better with the day.

He had slowly started working too, but he was only doing small jobs and was careful when he did them, since he was still not able to outrun his clients if they got angry with him. Shiki had wanted to give him a bodyguard, but Izaya had refused him, saying he was able to take care of himself, but that didn't mean that he was actually fine. He was just doing what he could right now.

His relationship with Shizuo had gotten more intimate too and Shizuo was still living with him, but Izaya doubted that it was still as his suicide watch. Everytime they went out together people would still look like it was the end of the world, but Izaya had learned to not care about what other people thought about him.

It had been hard for him at first, since he still remembered what people really thought, but Shizuo helped him and now he was able to tolerate it.

The nightmares and panic attacks were slowly getting less too, which he was glad for, since the nightmares would disturb his sleep and the panic attacks weren't good for him either.

He had needed to go to the hospital a few times for checkups and everything was fine. He had been going for therapy too and he was still going, but it was only because it helped him a bit.

Right now it was the end of the year and today Shinra was giving a new years party. It would be the first time he would be in a big group again since before everything happened and he was honestly a bit nervous, since he knew Shinra also invited people who didn't know about what had happened to him.

"Izaya, I'm home." Izaya looked up from his computer to see Shizuo walking into the apartment.

"Welcome home, Shizu-chan." Izaya said and shut his computer down before making his way over to the blonde. Once there he stood on his tiptoes to kiss the blonde on his lips.

"Are you ready to go to Shinra's party?" The blonde asked and Izaya shook his head almost unnoticeable. "Not? What's wrong?"

"I don't want to go." Izaya said softly and buried his face in Shizuo's shirt. He heard the blonde sigh a little, but ignored it, while he wrapped his arms around the blonde.

"Why?" Was all the blonde asked him.

"I'm afraid of seeing everyone." Izaya mumbled softly and he could feel Shizuo chuckle for a bit. Izaya looked up to glare at him, he really didn't like the fact that Shizuo seemed to be laughing at him. "Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not." Shizuo said and looked down at the raven with a smile. "It will be fine, so let's just go, alright?" Shizuo said and looked down at Izaya waiting for an answer.

"Fine, I just hope that nothing will go wrong." Izaya sighed and then turned to grab his jacket, before putting it on.

"It won't, I will make sure of it." Shizuo said and then the two of them left the apartment and headed to Shinra's.

xxx

Once there, Shizuo knocked on the door and the both of them waited for Shinra to open the door. They were on time, so luckily there would not be that many people yet.

It took a bit of time, but then the door finally opened to reveal Shinra. "Shizuo, Izaya you two are early." The doctor said and let the two of them in. "You're the first to arrive, so feel free to take a seat anywhere you like."

They did just that and sat down on the couch together. Izaya still felt nervous, but he tried not to show it, even though he was keeping Shizuo's hand in his own, seeking some comfort.

"Would you like something to drink?" Shizuo suddenly asked and Izaya nodded.

"Just water please." He wasn't planning on drinking tonight, since he couldn't hold his liquor. He didn't know if Shizuo would drink, but he would find out later tonight.

Izaya looked up when he saw Shinra had disappeared to the door once more and more voices sounded from down the hall.

Shizuo was still not back when the three high schoolers walked in and Izaya couldn't help but feel more nervous when the three of them looked at him.

"Izaya was here already?" Kida asked and Izaya could clearly see the blonde kid narrow his eyes at him, as if he was suspicious.

"Don't be like that Masaomi." Mikado said and Izaya remembered that the kid knew about his suicide attempt.

"Mikado, why are you defending him?" Kida asked the other to which Izaya sighed audibly.

"Don't fight, this is supposed to be a party." Izaya slowly said and watched Kida calmly. The kid was clearly surprised to have heard Izaya say that.

"Izaya, I got you your water." Shizuo said while he walked back into the room and saw that there were other now. "Ah, you three are here already." Shizuo said and then went over to the couch and gave Izaya his water before sitting down beside the raven.

Before another conversation could be started they heard Shinra opening the door again and all looked to see the van gang walking inside.

Kadota was the first to walk inside and looked surprised to see both Izaya and Shizuo sitting beside each other. "So it's true you're not fighting anymore?" Was the first thing he asked and Izaya couldn't help but smirk at that and watched as the other three walked in and stared at the two of them too.

"Yeah, we are in a sort of relationship now." Shizuo said and Izaya glared at him after those words.

"You shouldn't have told them." Izaya growled, but Shizuo only smiled at that.

"Why not? It would be pretty clear from our actions anyways." Izaya gave a small huff at that and turned to face the other way. "Don't be like that." Shizuo said and wrapped his arms around the raven.

Izaya wanted to keep ignoring the blonde, but decided against it and turned around to lay his head on the blonde's shoulder.

xxx

Other people arrived and soon the room was pretty full with people. Izaya was still sitting beside Shizuo on the couch and was leaning into the blonde. He felt like everyone together like this was becoming a bit much for him.

They had gotten a lot of questions about them being together, but luckily nothing about his disappearance for more than a year.

Still he felt like everyone was way too loud and noisy and his head was pounding slightly, clearly not used to so many people at once anymore. "Shizu-chan?" He said softly and saw the blonde turn to look at him.

"What is it?" Shizuo asked and looked the raven over for a bit. He had thought that the raven had been really quiet tonight and now that he looked at him he looked a bit pale and even a bit tired.

"Can we go somewhere a bit more quiet?" Izaya asked and looked hopefully at the blonde. He saw Shizuo looking around and then standing up slowly before pulling the raven after him.

He went over to Celty and asked her something, but Izaya didn't really register it. He felt like there was too much noise and he couldn't separate the sounds that well. He just reacted to Shizuo dragging him through the apartment and when the sound died down a bit he noticed that they were probably in Shinra's bedroom.

"Are you alright?" The blonde asked and looked concerned at the raven.

"I feel a bit better now that it's not so loud." Izaya mumbled and walked over to the bed before laying down on it and closing his eyes for a bit.

"Are you tired?" He heard Shizuo asked and he slowly nodded. "I asked Celty if you could rest, so if you want to sleep for a bit, it's fine, I will wake you up before midnight." Shizuo said and Izaya opened his eyes at him for those words.

"Are you really fine with that?" Izaya asked him, but his eyes were already falling closed again.

"Yes, just get under the blankets alright?" Shizuo said and took the blankets from under the raven before placing them on top of him and then he headed out the door, leaving the raven to sleep.

xxx

Izaya felt himself get shaken out of his sleep and he opened his eyes slowly to see that Shizuo was the one shaking him. "Is it time?" He mumbled softly and wanted to close his eyes again, since he still felt tired.

"Don't go back to sleep, it's almost midnight." Izaya only hummed as a response, but soon opened his eyes and pushed the blankets off of him before sliding out of the bed. He wobbled for a bit, since he still felt tired, but Shizuo steadied him and helped him out of the room.

Izaya was a bit more awake when he walked into the room and everyone looked at him. He wanted to hide behind Shizuo, but he knew that wouldn't be possible.

[Are you feeling better now?] Celty was the first to ask him something and Izaya nodded at the question.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better." He said and then let Shizuo take him to the couch. He still felt tired, but he knew it wouldn't be long till midnight.

"Can I get everyone's attention?" Shinra asked when he was finally settled on the couch. "Since the year is almost over let's start counting down." Shinra said and then started counting down, followed by the rest of the group.

"Happy new year!" Everyone said as soon as it was midnight and Izaya smiled a little at that. He had lived to see another year, at the start of last year it felt like he wouldn't make it till the end, but he had gotten stronger and slowly he was recovering the last bit. He knew it would take a bit more time, but it would be fine, he would be getting his life back.

Suddenly he heard someone gasp and he looked up to see the others look at him. "Izaya, you're crying?" Someone asked and Izaya brought his hand up to touch his cheek where he could indeed feel tears streaming down.

"Is something wrong?" This voice he recognized as Shizuo's and he shook his head slowly.

"Just happy that I got to live another year." He said with a small smile. Not everyone there knew what he meant, but the ones who did smiled too. Izaya had gone through a lot over the past year and all of them hoped that this year would be better for the raven. Hopefully with no setbacks.


End file.
